Is this too harsh ???

[nutcracker]

Dd1 (9 on saturday) is driving me nuts by not being responsible for her own belongings.
She started swimming with the school again after half term and surprise surprise she couldn't find her hat or googles anywhere despite me having packed them away for her last time she used them. The goggles have since turned up but the hat is no where to be seen. So thats £1.50 for a new one.

She also has a ballet exam next week and I have really had to struggle to pay for her lessons, extra lessons and exam this time but as she enjoys it and is good at it, I do it.
For the exam she needs to wear full uniform which I brought her ages ago. I asked her for her belt as it needs adjusting and yet again she has lost it. Instead of it being in her ballet bag along with everything else it has dissapeared.

I have just ordered her a new one £1.50 plus £3.50 p&p (total rip off but she needs it).

She is always losing stuff that she needs and just expects me to replace it at the drop of a hat.

So as it is her birthday on saturday and she may well recieve some birthday money I was going to tell her that she has to pay half towards the replacement belt so £2.50.

What do you think ?

[doormat]

nah not out of birthday money

just take it out of her pocket money instead

[sandyballs]

Not unreasonable at all at 9 years old, she needs to learn to look after her stuff.

[waterfalls]

Nothing wrong in teaching the the value of money, she is less likely to forget this may, and will hopefully take better care of her belongings.

[nutcracker]

She doesn't have pocket money.

[waterfalls]

way...........not may

[doormat]

still wouldnt take it out of birthday money

explain that if she loses it again
it will not be replaced

she is only 9 after all

[Mala]

If it is an ongoing problem and she pays no notice to what you say and doesn't make an effort, yes I would ask her to pay half. Might well shock her into making bit more of an effort. Maybe she could have a clear box in her room where she keeps all her ballet things, another on for her swimming things - it will teach her to be more organised,

[nutcracker]

It is most definatly an ongoing problem, she has lost ballet shoes before now, school stuff, cd's my brother has lent/copied for her etc etc.

She is having a Nintendo Ds off me for her birthday and an MP3 player off my dad and brother, if she plans on being as careless with those, it will be no time at all before she has lost a game, left it on the floor etc etc.

She has a bag for her swimming stuff and her ballet stuff and has been warned before that she is not to get her ballet stuff out of her bag at home unless asked to by me.
She has admitted that she got the belt out to play with it and didn't put it back.

[nutcracker]

Oh and one of the reasons she has no pocket money is because she kept removing it from her money box and losing it.

I just want her to be more responsible for her stuff and to have more respect for it too.

[NAB3]

Maybe let her have pocket money again but any she doesn't spend she puts in her money box and you keep it safe.

Maybe give her a warning saying next time she looses anything she will have to pay half. I feel taking it from birthday money is a bit harsh but then my kids are 5 and under, don't have pocket money yet but are learning things don't get replaced when broken, (not the same I know as I am talking toys broken, not equipment lost)

[nutcracker]

Ok so what can I do instead ??

I know from experiance that if i just say i have brought her a new one, and that she has to start taking better care of her stuff, we will be in the same situation again in a week or 2.

I also don't give poecket money as I can't always be sure I have the money.

[Tortington]

noooo not out of birthday money

9 years old is plenty old enogh to scrub toilet or kitchen floor or turn over the garden borders or cut the hedge or mow the lawn ( with supervision) or cleanout the fridge or clean out the kitchen cupboards or wipe down the window frames or do the washing for 2 weeks

[Tortington]

forgot - or take out the bins and wash out the kitchen bin

[doormat]

nutty after you give her the warning
you have to stick to your guns and not get it again
until your dd starts looking after things

[nutcracker]

Ok i'll find her a job to do instead, just need to think of one she can do that won't need doing again after LOL.

What about drying up for a week ???

[Heavenis]

What about getting her to do stuff round the house. Like polishing, washing dishes,each of these things having a value like washing breakfast pots would be 20p etc.

[Tortington]

i give my kids things i dont want to do.

like cleaning out the kitchen bin. - i would pay someone 2.50 to do it anyway!

[nutcracker]

Well I hate drying up so she can do that LOL.

Thanks all, will tell the little angel all about it when she gets home

[slug]

Perhaps now's the time to relate the story of my mate and the constant hospital visits.

My friend is a solo mum to two teenagers. She has a high powered job and works bldy hard to look after them. When her son was 16 (he's 21 now) he went through a phase of falling off his skateboard and ending up in A&E every Saturday afternoon. After about 6 weeks of this my friend got annoyed with spending four or five hours at a time sitting with him, stroking his brow while they waited for the latest round of X rays and stitches. She felt it was unfair on his sister who was too young to be left alone at the time, unfair on her friends who got roped into emergency babysitting and unfair on herself who had little enough time off as it was.

So one Saturday, when the phone call came to tell her he had once again injured himself, she drove him to hospital, handed him 20p and said "Call me when you're done". Seven hours later a chastened son returned with stitches and, despite still skateboarding, never again managed to injure himself badly again.

Lesson learned

[NAB3]

Well done that mum!!!!

[mumof3babies]

my ds12 lost his school planner in week 2 of being at the school,he said oh mum i need 4quid for a new one so i replied you have £5 pocket money use that,he replied what are you realy going to make me pay,oh yes&he did&has kept it since then&i doubt he will lose it