Was it really that awful that I left dh's name out of RSVP

[Mala]

DD is having her birthday party in a few weeks. I've been organising it and doing the invitations on the computer. In the rsvp bit I only put my name. Dh went into a hissy fit this morning when he saw the final invitations saying that he was upset that I hadn't thought to put his name in the rsvp bit. He was still sulking when I apologised, which got me really angry. Thing is that he did see a copy before I printed it, but he says he didn't notice that his name wasn't on. He then says that anyway just the fact that I didn't think to put his name on was hurtful. I have always found him really oversensitive and think this whole thing is ridiculous. The reason I put my name is that I know most of the partents, he doesn't. I honestly didn't think it was such a big deal, but he is going on about when dd looks back his name isn't on,etc,etc. Explaining is doing no good. Is this really such an awful thing on my part or is he being a totally oversensitive moron?

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

Who is going to be 'looking back' at the RSVP sections of old party invites??

He is being ridiculous.. and strangly sensitive and insecure.

Most women deal with this kind of stuff without a second thought and would never add their DH's name, it's not like a greetings card! Did he expect you to add his mob no too so that they could choose which parent to RSVP to??!

He's not pushing 40 is he perchance...??

[Mala]

Exactly my sentiments -he was 40 this year ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands. Tbh he always has been so oversensitive-much more than me. I said that most mothers deal with it, but that doesn't was-dd's best friends invitation mentioned both parents and he threw that in my face. I did mention that dd's friends father did know more parents. Thing is he really is genuinly hurt by it and really seems to think that I should have thought of it myself.

[Bibliophile]

He's being absolutely ridiculous. Give him a slap, and tell him that he can now show his true commitment to the party by doing everything else from now on - including wrapping the blooming pass the parcel.
Actually, what is his problem? Is he unwell in some way? Does he normallyl behave like this.

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

See my midlife crisis thread Mala.. altho if he is always like this perhaps not so relevant..

Tell him this is NOT an issue to stress over and that when one occurs, you will give him the nod so that he can then go into stess overdrive!

Has he any reason to feel insecure about your relationship in general?

[Bozza]

I have always just put my name on RSVPs for the kids parties. I should put DH's mobile on for a laugh - he would be horrified if he started getting various mothers ringing him up. OK so your DH is genuinely hurt, you did what you did for practical reasons, you have apologised, I don't see what more you can do.

[Mala]

Glad to know that it's just not me who feels he is being unreasonable. He does have this thing for doing things "together" and things that are so important to him, I don't really give a second thought. It is hard, as he is not your standard male(wish he was)-too much in touch with his feminine feeling I think.

He went into a strop saying "you do what you want"(well i was anyway, as he hasn't really helped with anything anyway)

[lemonaid]

Oh, twaddle. It's normal to put down one person's name for RSVP so that all the responses go to one place. I have never ever seen a children's party invitation that had both parents' names down for RSVP. You've been organising it and doing the invitations, of course it should be your name. When your DH organises the next one because you refuse to do it after his childish antics this year , it'll be appropriate for him to put down his name and not yours, because he'll be the one doing the organising so he'll be the one needing to know.

Does he really not grasp that the RSVP name is a practical point rather than a badge of social honour?

[tribpot]

Surely it only makes sense, if you are organising the party, that people RSVP to you, so that you know who is coming and who not? Otherwise you and dh would have to coordinate this between you and more risk of someone turning up unexpectedly, or not turning up because they RSVPed to dh and he forgot to tell you.

Unless your dd is going to become a family historian, why would she want to see the invitations to a birthday party?! The pictures, yes. Tell dh you'll let him be in a few of those

[Clary]

This is interesting. My DH was a bit miffed when someone called to RSVP to DD?s party, got him and asked for me - as if he wasn?t good enough. He wasn?t mentioned on the invite. I pointed out that nobody puts the man?s name on an invite - looked through a few and I only found one with both names. But in the end I agree with him really, and will put his name and my name on next time. He picks up the kids as often as I do tbh, though I do think mums find it easier to chat to another mum rather than a dad.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Mad as a mad thing! I only ever put my name on RSVPs, and DH doesn't care in the least.

[Mala]

This is not the first time he has accused me of not including him in things regarding dd. He has this thing for us doing things as parents together, but I genuinly don't think half these things are important to do "together". I do think he is an insecure person-there was a point when dd was 3, when he always used to go on about her not loving him-not true, she just didn't see as much of him and so wasn't as close.
He says putting just my name on the rsvp seems like I am a single mother and he is nowhere in the picture.

[Loshad]

Lordy, he is over reacting - i don't even keep old party invites, and i never put DH's name on, if I'm out he'll take a message about it, otherwise passes them over. Thinking back over many many years and hundreds of party invites the very few that have both parents names on are usually where they are in the process of splitting up, but still trying to keep a face on - not suggesting that is tyhe case with your DH, but honestly no-one, and i mean no-one else will think anything about it.

[tribpot]

Crikey. I would put only my name on the invites and my dh is a SAHD! But I have to do all that side of things.

The thing about him thinking dd doesn't love him is more worrying - is he depressed?

[lemonaid]

Write "My husband is very insecure and would like me to point out that I am not a single parent" on the bottom of each of them in marker pen before you send them out...?

[giddy1]

Message deleted

[UnquietDad]

I wouldn't be that bothered if DW just put her name beside the phone number, but I would be a bit miffed if I answered and the mum asked to speak to her to RSVP, as if I wasn't "good enough".

I get this all the time - people who know me, have spoken to me and know my name, ringing up and treating me like the bloody secretary. It doesn't hurt just to say "How are you?"

[Clary]

Yeah unquiet dad I think that's the thing that gets my DH too.

The mum of one of DS1's pals called the other day and just asked for me, didn't even say hello Mr Clary, it's XX how are you?

Yes, she knows me a lot better than him, but if I got her husband I would do that at least. It's very odd isn't it.

[aweebitgross]

Love Lemoaids idea!! fwiw my DH would be horrified if people started calling him..he is allergic to phonecalls with strange people

[TheHighwayCod]

god id NEVER put dhs name on
tlel dh to get a farking life

[Mala]

Thank you for making me feel that I'm not in the wrong. The thing is I know(speaking to friends) that this is not the way most husbands react. Dh is a lovely father and can be a caring, thoughtful husband. However, just because he thinks the way he does, he expects me to-he think the same way. If I don't do certain things he thinks I don't care. His brother and sister are insecure too, so think they had this feeling of being unloved(though not true) when children. Don't think he is depressed, but does have this whole mindset about people not loving him. This does make it hard for me. This whole party invitation thing is so ridiculous, I do know that. It's just sometimes when he acts like that, I start doubting myself and wonder if its me-but from here I can see it's not!

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

Men are experts at making us start to doubt our own very common-sense sanity...

(I'm really sexist today it seems.. )