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Preparing DS1 for moving house

5 replies

sphil · 01/11/2006 22:44

DH has just got a new job and we'll be moving to Somerset in the spring or summer of next year. Rightly or wrongly, we've started introducing the idea to DS1 (5). He is adamant that he hates the idea, isn't moving, will get himself a new mummy and daddy rather than leave, will be badly behaved for the rest of his life if we make him go etc etc. This is despite all the pros of moving - bigger house and garden, nearer grandparents and cousins, chance to have pets...

So, where do I go from here? How have other Mnetters dealt with this? I've been listening to him when he talks and sympathising with his feelings but the fact is, we will be going (if we can sell our house!) and I need to know how to help him cope.

Thanks

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luciemule · 02/11/2006 14:51

Not sure how old your DS is or where you're moving from but we currently live in Somerset and there is so much for children to do that maybe if you get a Somerset tourist info centre to send you relevant leaflets, you could plan things to do with your kids once you arrive. We are here for another year (DH in army so will have only been here for 2 years in total) but since my DD was born in 2002, we will have moved 5 times in 5 years by June next year! She doesn't adapt well to change so we always arrange to go back and visit her friends or have them come and stay once we've moved. It's very hard for them to undrestand that they will probably never see many of their friends again but they do get used to it. My DD still remembers her old frieds fondly but doesn't ask to go and visit them anymore.They make new friends and new experiences and with Wookey Hole, Cheddar Gorge, lovely beaches, dinasaur museums, car museums and great zoos in the area, there'll be stacks of fun things your DS will want to do.
Perhaps you could explain to your son that you're upset to be moving too but you need him to help you get used the idea too. If he thinks he's helping you with coming to terms with the move, he might forget his own worries. Or maybe, if you want to, allow him to have a present once you arrive (pet, new bike, cinema trip or something). My daughter is really sad to know she's leaving her school next year but she knows that once we move, she and and her brother are allowed to have a bunny each! Good luck and hope the move goes well.

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luciemule · 02/11/2006 14:58

just remembered another thing - my DD was really uoset about thinking somebody else would be sleeping in 'her' room. So I lied and told her that nobody was going to live in our house and she just said "ok" and was fine.
Another thing you could do is write a 'pretend' letter from the 'children' who live in the house you're moving into to your DS, asking him to look after their and garden once they've moved. You could list the things they liked doing in the area and things they played in the garden so he might then realise that other children are sad about moving.
Don't mean to preach but just some ideas as I always feel heartbroken listening to my DD worring about it all.

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sphil · 02/11/2006 18:03

We've spent quite a lot of time in Somerset as my parents live there, so getting leaflets is a good idea - he loves the Fleet Air Arm Museum, Lyme Regis, Diggerland etc. I think it's leaving his friends that he minds most.

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Kittypickle · 02/11/2006 18:09

We might be moving to Somerset next year as well, the difference is my DD is desperate to go as we used to live there and she misses it 4 years later according to her.

What we did when we moved was make her a photo album of the old house, her friends, nursery etc, she really loved having this.

Also, can you get him an email address that you can help him with and ask one of his friend's Mums if she will do the same, then they can email each other. If they start now you can point out that they can continue to do this.

Have you worked out where you want to be yet ? If so is there any chance of infiltrating the place to find him a friend before you get there IYSWIM ? My friend will be on the case with DD depending on which school we decide on. Then one of the first things we will do is invite her over to play.

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sphil · 02/11/2006 23:09

Those are great ideas Kittypickle. He's a whizz on the computer so e-mail would be popular. We're probably going to be moving somewhere near Yeovil, but there's a possibility that we may be near Street. It all depends on school for DS2, who's autistic and will be going to special school (we hope).