"Have you thought about getting him checked for ADHD?"

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Dh was talking to his mum last night and mentioned that ds (3.9) had played up quite a bit for a couple of days. Honestly, he had been pretty awful by his standards - rude, unresponsive to requests and instructions, aggressive towards dh etc. Anyway, mil (who lives 4 hours away and sees ds maybe 3 times a year so doesn't know him well) asked if we'd thought of getting him checked for adhd! Dh was kind of flabbergasted and said "why would we do that? He's a normal little boy who has phases like any other child." She retorted that she doesn't believe he is! At first I was fuming, but now I've begun to wonder.

Nobody else had ever said this. Ds is very popular with everyone who knows him well. My own parents have told me they think dh and I are raising a lovely little boy and we should be very proud (which we are). Honestly, he's impulsive but will listen on the whole though we sometimes have to work hard on listening. He can be sensitive/ emotional to anger or other strong emotions (hence the occasional aggression), and is not really one for staying in one place for long. He has no focus for some activities (creative), but will concentrate on what interests him for ages. He's bright, articulate, curious about the world around him (he fiddles with anything and everything he can) and is funny, confident, sociable and affectionate. But yes he is impulsive and his curiosity can override everything else. He sleeps brilliantly and always has done. He eats a huge variety of healthy food but cannot sit still for long and we struggle to go out for sit down meals with him. He is definitely fidgety but is on the whole well behaved and polite.

Does he sound normal? Is mil right and should we get him checked out or has she been watching too much Corrie? I heard somewhere that adhd can't be diagnosed before 4 because many pre schoolers display this behaviour but are any of these things red flags?

[Theyaremysunshine]

Sounds entirely normal to me!

Either that or 90% of the worlds 3/4 year olds need checking.

[AuntieStella]

Too much Corrie.

I still have hopes that despite the rather improbable start to the Max/ADHD storyline, it might develop into something more worthwhile. But as Corrie is pretty ropey on medical accuracy, and as they need to be building up to an exit for Kylie (to cover the actor's maternity leave), I don't think my hopes are like to be realised.

[Lottiedoubtie]

Someone who sees him so rarely can't possibly make a judgement. And tbh even if she saw him every week she'd not be qualified to make a diagnosis.

If nursery/close family etc.. Have no concerns then leave it be for now!

[eatscakefornoreasonwhatsoever]

Boys have a massive testosterone surge at around 4 - sounds like his may have started already.

More exercise, more understanding and hopefully you'll all survive intact :)

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

As Theyaremysunshine suggests, your description could apply to 90% of preschoolers. What does your instinct tell you? Autistic spectrum disorders like ADHD are hard to diagnose because it's hard to separate normal toddler behaviour from symptomatic behaviour. You will probably have to wait and see how he develops over the next year or so before deciding whether to investigate further. That said, I had a hunch my DS1 was on the autistic spectrum, but as a first time parent was unsure if I was just experiencing a normal toddler. I was very grateful a couple of friends were brave enough to stick their necks out and ask if I'd had him assessed. Turns out he has Asperger's syndrome. He received a diagnosis aged 5, we were told it's not usually diagnosed before 7, but the discrepancy between his ability with reading and maths (free reader and knew all his times tables before starting school) and his social/ emotional development made it easier to spot.

[F0ssil]

Can he sit and watch a film? (a little bit of fidgeting and one trip to the loo is OK)

[DuelingFanjo]

I was reading that the testosterone surge thing may have been debunked somewhat?

However - I get 'Is he deaf' a lot.

Nope - he's a three/four year old.

Your little boy sounds normal to me. Remember that not all children are the same and comparisons with others is not a good marker.

[Muskey]

He sounds normal to me but if this remark however off the cuff has worried you then get it checked out

[MexicanSpringtime]

Sounds totally normal to me.

Though if I did feel that a child had a shorter attention span that normal, I would keep them away from things like television that lower everyone's attention span.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

My instinct tells me he's fine - if at the higher end of the energy spectrum! This is the same woman who asked me, when ds was just over 1yo, if I had been a 'naughty' baby because dh had been a 'good' baby so she wondered who he got it from! She has also referred to him as Damian before and that time I nearly thumped her

Yes he can sit through a film if it engages him. He doesn't watch much tv during the week as he goes to a cm and nursery. Neither of them have concerns about him.

[hollie84]

Duelling - maybe get his hearing checked! I thought DS was just ignoring me/not listening but it turned out he has glue ear and can't hear well

[DuelingFanjo]

That's interesting,he complains a bit about things being too loud. I think I will have his hearing checked out just in case.

[dancestomyowntune]

i have four children and you could hsve written the op about my six year old! he is a handful, but so loving and yet at times i have to take a step back and count slowly to ten. he still finds apologising almost impossible and can cause mischeif without even trying! he is antagonistic to his siblings but is also the first one to share his sweets.

my mil is convinced he "isn't normal". how she'd know! she barely sees him!

[saltnpepa]

He's bright, articulate, curious about the world around him (he fiddles with anything and everything he can) and is funny, confident, sociable and affectionate. But yes he is impulsive and his curiosity can override everything else. He sleeps brilliantly and always has done. He eats a huge variety of healthy food but cannot sit still for long and we struggle to go out for sit down meals with him. He is definitely fidgety but is on the whole well behaved and polite.

He's not got ADHD. Definitely. The mother in law though?

[QTPie]

Sounds perfectly normal: like my DS - full on, hard work, full of life and a boy...

I went to see a Physiotherapist yesterday. Had to take DS too, the receptionist said "oh he is a live wire, isn't he?" (them having a Swiss ball in reception was not helpful - I have one at home and he uses it as a play thing...). Still, bless him, he was good through my appointment (45+ minutes) - with the help of the iPad.

[cece]

I have two children with diagnosed adhd. They are both quite different in some ways athough both definitely have it! The hospital don't really diagnose till they are at school and the behaviours are becoming apparent somewhere else other than at home.

I would add though that they can both sit through a movie on DVD or at the cinema if they are interested in it.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

dances that's interesting! My cm always says "We all know he can be contrary, wilful and impulsive, but he's so lovely we just love him all the same!" She was actually brought to tears a year back because she thought she was going to 'lose' him by us sending him to nursery. His key worker also talks about him with so much affection and always tells us what a lovely character he has, very capable of gentleness and generosity with others. I guess they know him much better than his own grandma

[LittleLionMansMummy]

QTPie he definitely has a zest for life! And funnily enough, I don't even see it as a problem most of the time. He may be full on but life is never dull!

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Thanks for the info cece We'll keep an eye on him as he develops further.

[CountBapula]

Just to say there is no evidence whatsoever for the testosterone surge. Testosterone levels are static from the age of six months to the onset of puberty.

[QTPie]

The "Testoserone Surge at 4" may not be correct, but something seems to happen around 4. DS is noticeably stronger, even more physical and more boisterous... Mums of other boys DS's age have noticed the same.

Maybe the hormone itself does not change, but how it effects them does? There is probably a bit of peer nurturing too - ie they get into more boisterous play with their friends.

I think it is pretty natural for most boys (going through some sort of surge of energy, activity, boisterousness, not listening and easily distracted) and isn't normally considered a problem unless they don't show signs of settling down a bit towards the end of Reception (since they do expect them to concentrate quite a lot more in Year 1).