Should I relocate my family?

[Shallwegoupnorth]

Have nc for this as a few on here know me.

I live in London with DP and preschool DS. We are here primarily for my job. We have no family here, and little support network (my friends are still childless and thus have melted away). We both work FT. Life to be honest, is quite tough, financially as well as socially.
My DP is from Liverpool. He moved here two years ago to be with me. He has a child from a previous relationship which he travels back up to see every few weeks. I am uncomfortable that he doesn't see them a lot.
We are trying to decide whether we should move back to Liverpool. Pros are plenty of family support, and a close, warm, strong family for my son to grow up with, money goes much further, for my small London flat, we could pay off most of the mortgage on a four bed, my DP gets to see his other son and he could stay with us easily. We could also have more children, not affordable in London.
My concerns are work related - my company is national and I think I could probably get a transfer to a local office. However I feel that when it comes to different jobs in the future I would be more limited out of London (am senior in marketing). My DP can easily transfer with his job but I am the breadwinner.
My other concern is something I think I am going to sound like a twat for saying. My family are very driven, ambitious - all kids go to uni, good jobs etc. However they are pretty cold, unloving and unwelcoming. So we all have good jobs but most of us are on antidepressants and struggling with life. My DP's family are warm, welcoming and supportive, but without the same educational aspirations. Life is tough for them as money is so tight and I want my DS to have opportunities that education offers, whilst growing up with a loving family. There's also a little bit of an off the back of a van culture and I'm a bit worried that he might be led astray. Note my family dislike my DP intensely because he's 'working class' and doesn't earn a lot, so they will go nuts if we move.

Am I being a twat in thinking like this though?

Should I move?

[ladybirdandsnails]

Do what is right for you. You could look at South Liverpool (posh side) or the Wirral or even Chester, Warrington or Manchester. You could see family much more, save a fortune, get much better quality of life and keep family of both sides a nice arm length away if need be. Loads of people in South Manchester work in Liverpool (50min) or surrounding areas. The great travel links mean it's easy to line in one city and work elsewhere.

[ForalltheSaints]

I think there is something in the previous poster's suggestion. Money goes further, family can visit say for Sunday lunch, so life of your own but not so remote from them. Manchester does have some very good areas, good schools.

[ladybirdandsnails]

South Manchester has fantastic transport links. It's not cheap compared to North Manchester but miles cheaper than London. People also commute to Leeds, do career wise the world is your oyster. Trafford also has great school as well as Manchester and Stockport

[josephine1986]

I don't know much about living in those areas but your post resonated with me and your somewhat cold but materially ambitious family.

Are you from london? If your social and family life is a bit thin in london then yes, you are only really in london for your job. And that's your whole family, there for your job. Do you love your job?

To me it sounds like you have pretty much decided to move, but are naturally afraid it might not work. But your reasons are sound, your DPs family sound lovely. It will be so much better for your son to grow up around a warm, tight family than cold distant one - mine are similar and we are all screwed up as a result. I'd love for my dd to grow up surrounded by different generations of people who wanted to be involved in her life.

You can choose where you live, as others say, you don't have to be on DP's family's doorstep. Find somewhere that works for property, schools, job. Best of luck, sounds exciting.

[Shallwegoupnorth]

Thanks everyone. I think I would like to go, it's just whether it would work. We are looking at South Liverpool but maybe Manchester way. My family are in the South West so not in London either. My Mum works regularly in London but has still seen my DS (18 months) less than half a dozen times since he was born. I am so tempted though to live close to my DP's family and just get that close knit, supportive community that I always longer for growing up. We were talking about schools, the very local one to the area isn't great, the next one his cousins go to, his aunt runs the catering and his second cousin works in the nursery. It just sounds amazing for a little boy.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Liverpool is awesome . Went to uni there and very green in places.

[SoonToBeSix]

I live in South Liverpool, much nicer than Manchester

[Hairylegs47]

Move Up North. Just because the place you want to move to has a reputation, doesn't mean the stereotypes are correct.
My BIL and his partner live in a rough part of Liverpool with their children. The stereotype says they're all semi literate, thieving loveable rogues with bling, trackys and a dodgy 'jobs'. The reality is, they are both Profs, both have jobs, their kids are adorable, not a bit of bling insight, the dodgiest thing they have is they left a perfectly acceptable 'Real' Northern city to live there! Liverpool is chock full of great activities for families. They are always doing 'stuff' as a family as there is always something to do.
Put your perceived - and IMO quite sad - perceptions about the place firmly where they belong, back in 1980s and take the plunge into a great family life. You'll not regret it and your DC will love having his family round as he grows up. If your family 'disown' you, it's their loss. How can a grandma only see her GS 6 times in 18 months??? If I lived in the UK they'd be moving to get away from me.

[livingzuid]

There is plenty of opportunity career wise up North. Manchester has a very ambitious city council and is repositioning itself as the second city to London, successfully wooing big business there. You have in both Liverpool and Manchester world class universities and medical research centres. Should you choose to venture across the Pennines to the other side, there is again the same thing with Sheffield, Leeds and Bradford universities (I lived and went to uni in Bradford and had a ball, it was fabulous). You also have some of the UK's most stunning countryside on your doorstep. Leaving London was the easiest decision I made. I ventured north of the border but I have not found my career to struggle - in fact I find I have more opportunity to be innovative. I am also the main earner. It's a no brainer - move :) you can live in the decent parts and not expose your son to the back of a lorry stuff. My family are monumentally snobby but it is possible to provide a life for your family somewhere like Liverpool and have a wonderful quality of living. Liverpool and Manchester have some eyewateringly expensive areas. Oh and some top schools. Good luck!

[BranchingOut]

I think, take some time to weigh things up.

Look carefully at the schools where you are now and schools where you might move to. Would you get in? Also other factors such as quality and availability of childcare.

There is a lot of England between London and Liverpool, so it does not have to be one or the other.

[Iggly]

Move!!! I would. In a heartbeat.

You can have lower outgoings if you're smart about property I.e. don't buy the most you can afford and your quality of life will be better.

I know London is almost addictive - working here can have a status and you might feel you're missing out. But I reckon it is overrated and overpriced.

I speak as a Londoner who wants to move out but both my and my dh's family live here and the latter are close to us.

[Didiusfalco]

Liverpool is a great city! Its not like you are contemplating moving somewhere remote. Your son can have a great education and family ties - there is no real reason his education would be better in London is there? Sounds like so many pros to moving, with just the one con of reduced career opportunities - but really, do you live to work? May be time to shrug off the expectations of your family.

[BranchingOut]

Also, remember that you and your DH are now creating your own family - you can be warm, supportive and close, yet still support high educational aspirations.

If the local schools are not great I think it might be an error of judgement to move there intentionally - move closer, but to an area with good schools.

[BranchingOut]

Just to be clear, if you move into that area there is no guarantee that your DS will be able to go to the school where your DH aunt works, as school admissions mostly work on where you live. Only if the school is undersubscribed and has lots of empty places would that be the case.

[SoonToBeSix]

Branching that's not really true in Liverpool at least not for secondary schools. Most children travel across the city to their chosen school.

[BranchingOut]

I think the child is pre-school age. :)

The admissions code works in the same way across the country, with obvious caveats for faith schools and situations where there are a lot of empty places.

I thought it was worth flagging up to the OP because she may not be aware of how admissions works and it would be awful if she made the move under the illusion that her child could definitely go to a partciular school, then found out that was not the case.

[BackforGood]

I too would move with the circumstances you describe.
No advice about areas.
You might want to think hard about how close you want to be to his family if they are the kind of warm, welcoming family who live in each others pockets a bit and you are not used to it - you might find it lovely or you might find it a bit overwhelming, but you could be close, without being in the next street maybe ?

[Shallwegoupnorth]

Thanks all. My DS is pre school (2). Aware of admissions requirements, in London you seem to need to live in the playground to get into your preferred school, was hoping was maybe a bit easier in Liverpool.
Am looking at L25 postcode, the Woolton end, for anyone who knows about these things...?
I could swop my 2 bed London flat for a 4 bed new build and pay off the mortgage so it's pretty tempting.

[ladybirdandsnails]

All you need is the school name you want and the lea web site

[lking679]

What did you end up doing. In a similar position and it’s the career progression that worries me!