2 under 2... How will I cope?

[WittgensteinsBunny]

So, I'm 9 weeks pregnant with dc2. Dd will be 21 months when the next one is born. How the hell will I cope? DH was back at work when dd was a week old and I was up and doing everything that I could as soon as I got home. DH is brilliant, he picked up most of the housework and cooked every night. I have done all of the nights with dd who is bf and a co sleeper. We're working on moving her into her cot at the moment but it's early days and she's waking a lot, so I'm extra tired on top of early pregnancy. DH will need to go back to work as he is freelance but we are thinking of using some savings so that he can take a longer break when the new baby is here.

My family are about an hour away. DHs parents are half an hour away but work full time self employed and have elderly parents who rely on them (DHs gps are the other side of the country, so his mum can often be gone for a couple of weeks each month, this then adds pressure to her workload). My mum can't drive and dad runs a business which needs him to be there most of the time. He can take the odd day and of course weekends but they couldn't just pop in or provide regular help.

So, it's basically just me, friends and the lovely church groups I already take dd to. I'm really starting to panic about doing twice the workload with 2 bf'ing, a strong willed toddler, dealing with 2 over night, 2 in nappies etc etc

Can anyone reassure me? How did you get through it? Is there anything I can start doing now to make life better?

[UriGeller]

Well, you just do! Congratulations!

Ds was 23 mo when dd was born. I think I prepared him to be a little self sufficient in the months before her birth by letting him potter about and do his own thing, I think its called 'self directed play' these days.

He had no interest in the new baby but could play or look at books happily as I sat and fed her. Of course we watched lots of TV too!

The place was a mess (still is) but if you can abandon the thought of having a tidy life for a bit and embrace the chaos, it makes things easier!

[elvislives2012]

I'm in this now! Dd1 is 22 months and dd2 is 5 weeks. I was panicking too but honestly it's fine. I stopped bfing dd1 when I was 11 weeks as I think my supply dropped and she started biting and I thought 'that's it!'
2 in nappies is fine and 2 overnight is fine, you just DO it iyswim?!
I've found that as dd1 is still a baby, as long as I'm fulfilling her needs she's fine. She's been so interested and lovely with her sister- only giving her a couple of wallops! Oh, and cbeebies is your friend

[Elllimam]

I'm in it now too :) DS1 is 20 months and DS2 is 5 weeks. It's not too bad actually I expected worse. It helps that DS2 is very easy. I've just been getting out as much as possible.

[plantsitter]

You don't have to bf both if you don't want to (I wouldn't). I had a 20 month gap and it was hard work but ok. Get out as much as poss. 2 in nappies is easier than the alternative tbh as you don't have to faff about going to the loo all the time.

You will manage. Two is harder but the second baby is easier than the first because you know what you're doing. You just make sure they're both safe and fed and anything else is a bonus.

Good luck you'll be fine!

[WittgensteinsBunny]

Oh wow! Loads of responses! Nice to be told that it's ok and you just do it. Thanks everyone.

I'm hoping that dd self weans but she is a boob monster and is devastated if I deny her. She still feeds on and off through the day and night. Tbh it gives me a rest as I can sit still for a little while / go and nap with her. I've read that she'll probably wean when I'm 4/5 months anyway. We're just chuffed that we're managing to transition her to her cot at night. We never thought it possible.

Luckily she is already CBeebie's and cbeebies iplayer's biggest fan and is starting to play a bit on her own / look at books. But I'm going to start encouraging more self directed play. That's a great tip.

Do you all have double buggies or do you sling and single buggy? What about a nappy bag for 2? Do I just need a rucksack with things in different bags for each baby?

[Christobel51]

My two girls are 17 months apart but it was fine. I encouraged my older daughter to become more independent before the baby was born in terms of helping to dress herself, climbing up and down stairs rather than being carried, feeding herself and also playing by herself etc and getting her to 'help' me with hanging the washing out, and other small household tasks! The first 12 weeks were hard work whilst the new baby got established with feeding and sleeping but then we all got into the swing of things! Filling the freezer with home cooked food was one the best things I did.... There was always the option of just slinging something in the oven or microwave rather than having to think of what to cook or what to shop for! Also, I went out twice a day for a while. I found it easier to entertain my older daughter whilst we were out as she would get restless at home without enough input from me whilst I was feeding the baby. It passed the time getting everyone ready, fed, nappy changed and into the push chair or car and then out the other side twice a da, even if the trip was just to the supermarket! It is wonderful now as they play very well together and can be left to their own devices to a degree ( they are 3 1/2 & 21months now) Good luck and enjoy it!

[KernowKids]

I found it hard tbh, but feel that I'm reaping the rewards now they're 3 & 4 and each other's best friend.

I had one changing bag with stuff for each of them in it. I had a double and could no way have managed without. Dd1 was capable of walking but I needed somewhere to restrain her, allow her to nap, carry all the stuff and use as an emergency change station. The baby was often in the sling as I mastered feeding her in it so I could run around with the toddler.

I had a weekly timetable of groups and activities to keep me out of the house and so that the toddler got lots of interaction and

[plantsitter]

I tried without a double buggy but couldn't manage (mainly being able to bung them in it when they were both yelling). But you could wait and see how it goes.

As for a nappy bag... Yes I guess so. Your first will probably need changing less by then and you won't need to carry as much stuff with you. A double buggy is good for stuffing loads of crap in anyway.

[KernowKids]

Oops!

I also hit them both into the routine of a long nap in the afternoon - dd1 was used to going to her bed (I worked on that during my pg) and then I would feed the baby off. We would stay in bed til dd1 woke - bliss!

We have no local family and survived. We dug deep and got a cleaner fortnightly and invested in a slow cooker and bread maker - lots of soups and stews were the key to keeping us fed.

Good luck.

[KernowKids]

GOT! I have never hit them!!

[happy2bhomely]

My 3rd and 4th children were 22 months apart. It was really, really hard work. If I'm honest, that first year was one of my worst. But, we got through it, we managed because we had too! I cried a lot in private. I was so overwhelmed. They are now 6 and 4 and it's so much easier.

[Superlovely]

Mine are 15 months apart. You will be okay.
At times it was so exhausting and difficult but I look at how close they are now and it really was so worth it.
On the plus side you will be always be able to do the same activities with both of them from toddler groups now to sports later on.
Make your house and garden as easy and child safe/ friendly as you can, buy a double buggy and find a good babysitter for an occasional pub night!

[Superlovely]

Mine are 15 months apart. At times it was so exhausting and hard work but I look at how close they are now and it was so worth it. I love it now.
On the plus side you will be able to do the same activities with both, toddler groups now then sports later on.
Don't think of it as twice the work, it is more like 1.5 times. You are already doing things which you add the second child into eg bath time.
I would suggest that you make your house and garden as easy and child friendly/safe as possible. Buy a double pushchair. Find a good babysitter so you can pop out for the occasional pub night.
Good luck

[Superlovely]

Oops double post, sorry.

[SilveryMoon]

Mine are 18 months apart and it wasn't easy every day. My dp is shit and my parents aren't local. I didn't drive at the time so spent years on buses with double pushchair which was a nightmare but manageable.
You'll be surprised at how well you'll cope. Congratulations.

[penguinplease]

Just under 13 months between mind. It was hard for the first 18 months of both but now easy, best thing I ever did!!

[ChickenFajitaAndNachos]

I had a 21 month gap between DS2 and 3, it was fine. DS2's nap helped for the first couple of months. He then dropped it as soon as he turned 2 but luckily DS3 was sleeping through so days were busy but I was getting sleep.
I brought DS2 his first garage and some wooden toys when the baby was born and that really helped as he hadn't really played properly before. The cars used to come out when it was baby's feed time, I used to shut the 3 of us in the playroom when I was feeding so I could see DS2 couldn't do anything dangerous as he was into everything.
I didn't rush my toddler out of his cot but brought another one as he loved it so much.
It was super busy but fine and then as others have said there are so many benefits as they get older. I have had years of my boys being into the same things at the same time and days out and school holidays being really easy.

[penguinplease]

Mine not mind!

[jerryfudd]

You'll just find a way. I had twins aged 21 months when next one arrived. Routine was the key for us. It was hard work but doable

[givemecaffeine21]

11 months between mine. Incredibly hard going for the first year really...but mainly because DS has not been an easy baby and trying to do anything without holding him resulted in earth shattering screams, the sort that make you feel like if you don't walk away occasionally, you might break something. He has a real temper on him which has always been apparent, am hoping it evens out in time, as aside from that's he's adorable. He's 14 months now and much, much easier.

I worked on DD's independence and taught her to play without me which gave me a chance to deal with DS. She feeds herself all her meals and has done from around 15/16 months (she's 25 months now). I potty trained her fairly early too (started at 20 months) as she initiated this. Not easy but glad it's done. In your case, it might be prudent to tackle that one whilst you're pregnant otherwise you'll be dealing with a newborn and potentially potty training your daughter....

Day to day I had a nappy bag / rucksack full for both kids, a phil & teds double, and DS had one of his naps at the same time as DD meaning I got a break.....which was a sanity saver! I used to eat my lunch, watch mindless drivvle on tv, and just unwind whilst they slept and try not to scream at anyone who dared to knock on the door at that sacred time.....actually I disconnected the doorbell, stuck a no cold-callers sign up and got one of those post boxes that is freestanding as the bloody postman used to wake them up bashing the door down and making the dogs bark

We all survive, it's unbelievably hard at times, but we just do. I did experience a bout of depression and sought help, which was the most sensible thing I've ever done, as the cloud really lifted when I admitted I wasn't coping.

[WittgensteinsBunny]

Thanks, everyone. Some really practical tips. I had wondered about potty training dd early-ish. We're doing lots of nappy free time and pointing out wees and poos when she does them. She hasn't really made the connection but will point at a wee on the floor and is obsessed with watching me wee I'm not going to force it as she's still tiny but mum had me and dsis dry day & night by 2. So I guess it's a possibility. If she's ready I might try after Xmas, when she's 18/19 months. Or, we could wait til she's just over 2 when baby 2 will be 3/4 months.

[ChickenFajitaAndNachos]

I waited for potty training until my DS was 2 and half and it was fine.
One thing I thought of was my 21 month old couldn't climb stairs by himself properly when my baby was born so getting them both up and down the stairs either took a couple of trips and a bit of a polava with stair gates etc so if there is any thing like that you have a few months to teach your DD practical things.

[Diryan]

I would wait to do potty-training as they often regress a bit when a new baby arrives. You don't want to be dealing with a newborn whilst also clearing up puddles of wee!

[KernowKids]

I left potty training and was glad I did. 2 in cloth nappies was still easier than 1 having accidents! When we did do it at 2.5 it was a doddle.