How to deal with painfully slow eater?

[ShadyMyLady]

Dd1 is 9 and has always been a slow eater. It's got to the point now where it's unbearable.

45 minutes to eat two slices of toast and just now 50 minutes to eat two weetabix. It really is excessive. She's not a fussy eater and likes and will eat literally anything.

On the odd occasion she'll eat fine and will take 15 minutes to eat.

When she was 7 she had a timer, 20 minutes to eat a meal then it gets taken away and if it's not finished then nothing until the next meal. If she finishes in that time then praise and she can have a snack later on if she wishes.

I say it took her 50 minutes to eat two weetabix, she didn't even finish it. I got so annoyed I took it off her and she cried because she wanted to eat it. What a mess.

What do I do? It's becoming a real problem now and I don't know what to do.

Dd2 is a handful as it is (being assessed for asd) but eats at a normal pace.

Ds is only 16m and polishes off his food no problem.

The timer worked well but thought it only a temporary measure, it did get her eating quicker but she's now back to her old ways.

I also do worry about her weight. She does actually eat a lot but she's tiny. I've just bought her school uniform and the age 7 skirt falls down.

I'm at a loss now.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Is she just not that hungry in the morning? Would a portable breakfast like a smoothie, home made bran muffin or granola bar be better as she can eat that on the way to school?

Sounds like it could be an attention thing, go back to timer, make no comments or eye contact or engage on conversation when you take it away. And maybe spend an hour or so with her snuggling on sofa watching a film or doing a craft activity or something when your Ds goes to bed.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Could it be also that portion sizes are making it look like she hasn't eaten much when she has?

Maybe go back to one weetabix and she can eat a banana on the way.

[MrsCosmopilite]

My 3 year old is a slow eater. Unless it's raspberries, cake or fruit bars (sugar free).
Anything else takes bloody ages and it's really frustrating, particularly when it's fresh-cooked and ends up being a cold, congealed mass.
Not unusual for a normal meal to take up to an hour.

She usually is hungry, but I think she just gets distracted by things. I may try the portable type thing that can be picked up and put down, but for evenings/lunchtimes I'd rather have something 'proper'.

[ShadyMyLady]

It's not just breakfaSt unfortunately, it's every meal! She always says she hungry and her portion sizes are average.

That's a good idea about giving her less then something portable.

But she does actually love the food I give her, she gets excited about meal times and she loves big dollop of honey with her breakfast. It's the same no matter what it is.

I did think about it being for attention, and as you suggest Giles, when the other two are in bed we sit on the sofa every night and have a chat and a cuddle.

I think it's time to go back to basics again isn't it?

She has always been like this though, I remember when I was weaning her she would take an age to eat even then!

[ShadyMyLady]

I'm glad I'm not the only one Mrs! Would she understand a timer do you think or is she too little?

I think my dd's problem lies with the chewing, it has to me pulp before she swallows it.

It really is frustrating isn't it, I'm just aware she's now getting to an age where she can start having an unhealthy attitude towards food and I really want to avoid that.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Sit it in front of the TV and ignore.

From 2-12 DD2 was impossible, if I'd sat and watched her mess I would have killed her.

Only now with a combination of teen growth spurt and lots of trampolining and gymnastics has she finally decide she needs to be bothered to eat.

[MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic]

My DD (10) is the same, but luckily for us not quite as bad! I always make sure she gets her food first because she'll still always be the last to finish. She takes such tiny mouthfuls it's just impossible for her to speed up. We have food on the table and help ourselves - I make her take a small amount to start with so it doesn't look so intimidating when she's cutting off her little forkfuls and it seems to speed her up more than working her way through a large amount all at once. It's ended up that she eats less than everyone else at mealtimes, but she'll plough through fruit and yogurt in between. I can't complain too much though as she's probably the healthiest weight/body size out of all of us (tall and slim)

[manchestermummy]

DD2 is like this and it drives me batty. We need to leave at 12.30 today for her swimming lesson, so I will have to serve lunch at 11.30. I have known her take 45 minutes over half a slice of toast. DD1 eats at the speed of light and starts mucking about. DD2 then tries to join in so gets even slower. If it's something she really loves (pasta, omelette, quick, fish fingers, carrot sticks) she will eat at a reasonable pace.

Hoping it is a phase!

[manchestermummy]

Quick = quiche.

The irony!

[ShadyMyLady]

Yes Elephants, I'm at the 'kill' stage too. What about when we're heading out though? She often makes us late and I don't want to start dishing up food too early cause it's not fair on the others.

Dmitri my dd's mouthfuls are like mouse bites, she nibbles away at food. It gives me the rage.

I'm normally quite good at hiding my annoyance, but I have snapped quite a few times in the past and I was very very close today to screaming at her like a banshee.

[ShadyMyLady]

Manchester, if only!

I think we're past it being just a phase, I think this is just her!

[mawbroon]

Could there be a physical cause?

DS1 had posterior tongue tie which went undiagnosed until he was 6yo. It made chewing and swallowing very difficult for him.

His way of dealing with it was to swallow stuff down without chewing it properly.

You mention that she has to chew everything to a pulp before swallowing. I can see that this could possibly be another way of dealing with the same problem.

Bear in mind that you cannot just look in her mouth and say yes or no to tongue tie. Posterior ties are easily missed because the tongue can look totally normal yet be significantly tied at the back.

Is there anything else going on? How did milk feeding go? Any problems with sleep/snoring/breathing, or gut issues? ENT problems? Orthodontic problems, speech issues for example?

[ShadyMyLady]

Oh maw I didn't think of that.

Milk feeding was fine, breastfed until 9 weeks no problems that I can remember.

Sleep is fine, slept through 12 hourd since 9 weeks and I don't think she's ever woken in the night since apart from to go to the toilet! She's always been an amazing sleeper.

No ent problems, she spoke early and her teeth are pretty perfect.

The only thing I can say is for the last 3 days she has been bent over double with pain in her stomach. She's had it on and off for about 6 months now and the Dr couldn't find anything wrong with her. So I keep her dosed up with calpol and wait for it to pass. I haven't got a clue what it is. Maybe I'd better take her back to gp.

[ShadyMyLady]

*hours

[MrsCosmopilite]

A timer isn't something I've tried. I've threatened it and at her age and level of understanding yes, she'd get it.

Like your DD, Shady, no problems with tongue tie - rarely wakes in the night, etc. No issues with stomach.
If your DD is having problems with this though may be worth going back to the GP. Does it occur after any particular food? Or if she eats faster?

[mawbroon]

DS1 suddenly started having pain in his stomach when he was coming up for 6yo.

He was being sick in his mouth and his chest was burning so doc diagnosed reflux. Gave him Gaviscon which was like farting against thunder, got referred, paed gave him Omeprazole which didn't help much either.

I learned about the connection with tongue tie and reflux like symptoms and had his tie revised. The stomach problems stopped more or less overnight.

If the chewing/swallowing action is not "correct" then a lot of air can be swallowed down. It can come back up along with stomach contents causing reflux like symptoms. Also, chewing is the first stage in the digestion process. If tongue movement is restricted, this can have a knock on effect on the entire digestive system.

However, DS1 had a load of other things going on with were also related to his ties. Sounds like your dd doesn't have any of the other symptoms of tongue tie, but perhaps it is something you should investigate to rule out.

There are pictures of ds1 ties before revision on my profile, but ties are more about function rather than appearance.

[ShadyMyLady]

No it seems to be just random, my dh said it might because she eats and then goes out to play straight away, she does a lot of sport as well and he's told her to rest after a meal for a bit.

That doesn't seem to make any difference though. It's constant throughout the day as well. I did think it could be period type cramps, but she's a teeny thing and is showing no signs whatsoever of puberty.

It seems to be more on one side as well.

[Kewrious]

Coming at it from a different angle: I was an EXTREMELY slow eater. I cannot imagine how my parents put up with it now. I would be woken at 6 to get ready for school at 8 because one banana would take 30 mins, one slice of toast another 30 mins. Dinner/lunch would take an hour at least. My parents just left me to it after the age of 10. I was told to put the food away and wash my dishes. They carried on. I then turned 18, went to Uni, where it would be beyond weird to be sitting there when everyone was done. I began eating normally. When I came home after the first term my parents were most amused at how quickly I ate. Obviously once I had my son aged 31 I mastered the hand of gulping down a full meal in under 10 mins before he demanded another feed. So to cut a long story short, is there any way you can just let it be? She might genuinely grow out of it, especially if she is not a fussy eater (I wasn't As well, still am not). And I wasn't remotely attention seeking, I just ate slowly. I cannot imagine having a timer or an alarm would have helped. However if there are physical/health issues then obviously that's a different matter.

[ShadyMyLady]

Thanks for that kewrious, interesting to hear it from the other side.

I'd love to just let it be and accept that it's just her and she won't change, but sometimes it's just not practical to let her eat that slowly.

[Haggisfish]

I'm am incredibly slow eater and always have been. I cannot be forced to hurry up and physically cannot make myself eat any faster. I find it a total facer to have a big plate of the same food-I find it easier to eat different textures and tastes. I'd just leave her to it otherwise she might end up not eating like I do when I eat with lots of other people who don't know about my slow eating-conferences are a nightmare for me!

[Haggisfish]

I'm also definitely more of a little and often eater than three big meals a day.

[LizzieMint]

My Dd does this too, but she's a total procrastinator in general, drives me mad. She's slow at eating, getting dressed, getting ready for bed, everything. She's very easily distracted and talks a LOT which is why she's always behind with meals. It's really hard when my other two have finished, we can't do the rule of sitting at the table until everyone's finished because it just wouldn't be fair. She will also chew and chew and chew and chew and chew until the food's pulverised, but only if it's something she doesn't really like.

[ShadyMyLady]

Thanks for all your advice.

I ended up taking her to the doctors yesterday evening as she was curled up in bed all afternoon and didn't want to eat her tea.

They mentioned stomach migraines and they've requested an ultra sound for her.

Today she's the same and can barely walk without having to bend over or squat down. She seems to like the pressure bending over or curling up gives.

I also tried the one weetabix instead of two, I also made sure I was out the room. It took her about 25 minutes so a bit better. I don't think her painful stomach is helping at the moment though.

[Artistic]

My DD is a s-l-o-w eater! Driven us insane in her 6 years of eating. We've tried timers, yelling, incentives, rewards..,everything works first couple of times & then falls flat. Only eggs & fish go down fast. Everything else turns ice cold before its consumed.

Now that she's 7, the situation has marginally improved. She wants to go to play, so tries to eat faster. But when she's with other kids they are nearly ready for their next meal by the time she finishes her first.

She's a very fussy eater & is put off by the smallest 'wrong' in the food. Thankfully through years of perseverance she eats a suitable amount & empties her plate - even if it takes a long time.

Hoping she grows out of it!

[magicalmrmistofelees]

I was also a slow eater, still am to some extent. Nothing anyone said would make me eat faster. It meant I just ended up eating less than everyone else and was very underweight. It all changed at around puberty I think. The poorly tummy definitely won't be helping, maybe she has to nibble to avoid pain?