Struggling with mornings

[BranchingOut]

We are currently having real problems with our DS in the mornings. He is of nursery age and school is on the horizon. The main problem is that he gets absorbed in something, any kind of toy or household object and then gets slower and slower to get dressed and ready to go. Waking up is not a problem, he then has breakfast, then one of us gets him dressed. But, this is getting worse and worse and I am dreading the start of school.

He has toilet-training issues and is currently under a paediatrician, so generally needs to be cleaned in the morning - he does a poo after breakfast. He can refuse to be cleaned for ages. We have tried to teach him to clean himself but he will literally not do it for an hour or more. He will dress himself after that, once he is clean, but oh the delays, the prevarication.....The only two things that work are a lot of joking/distraction and the occasional episode of bawling him out, which does neither of us any good. :(

He does not care one fig about stickers, rewards, prizes etc. Doesn't care about the prospect of having fun at nursery, seeing his friends. Just not bothered. He just wants to do what he wants to do.

The only idea I have is locking his playroom in the mornings, so that he cannot access anything to do. But that is not really the parent that I want to be.

I am feeling a bit sensitive/tearful after this morning's battle, but any constructive comments would be welcome. The only thing that keeeps me going is that I think that DH would be a worse parent than me.

[BranchingOut]

bump

[WhispersOfWickedness]

I think you're just going to have to shut the playroom door, tbh. He can play as much as he wants, AFTER he is ready for school. What kind of parent do you think it will make you into if you shut the door?

[BranchingOut]

Thanks for the response.

Alright, so you think it is reasonable to do. I meant in that I generally tend to believe in giving him opportunity to play, from a developmental perspective - but the demands of life get in the way first thing in the morning.

I am so fed up.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

Yes, definitely ok to do if it is making you so stressed. You're not withholding them, just asking him to wait until he is fully ready before playing with them. Of course it is good for his development to play, but not to the detriment of your mental health
I would say the vast majority of parents use some sort of incentive to get their slow-paced children ready in the mornings.
How about in combination with other tools too? Getting up earlier? Using a timer/timetable to make sure he has done each step by a specific time?
Sounds like you need some and !

[BranchingOut]

I might go down the timer route, as he quite likes clocks etc

Thanks for your thoughts.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

My 4.8yo loves timers, it's a really good incentive to use
Hope you get some more ideas!

[QTPie]

I would also ban the playroom until he is ready for school (breakfast, poo, clean, dressed, teeth, then - if time - playing as a reward).

Personally - on school mornings - I do what needs to be done to get DS ready (DS has been at preschool for 4 terms and starts reception in September): ie I help with dressing/ teeth etcetc. I use school holidays and maybe weekends to learn/practice independence skills, but school mornings are all about getting DS ready as quickly and with as little fuss as possible... Don't make life harder or more stressful than it needs to be.

[kiki0202]

I don't do toys when we are getting ready as good as it is for them to be able to play learning to get ready on time is also very valuable you are teaching responsibility, time management and self care. I have been known to ban speaking until DN (7) gets ready because she will sit with a sock in her hand for 10 mins telling me all about what happened 3 days ago.

[ZuleikaJambiere]

My daughters (5.5 and 2.5 ish) aren't allowed out of the bedroom and bathroom until they are dressed on school mornings and, although I don't ban playing while getting breakfast ready, I try to distract them from it by getting them to choose their bowl, spoon, etc and get them out of the cupboard (and the table gets half set by them). Once they are ready they can play, read, watch an episode of Peppa Pig or whatever they want, until it's time to get coat and shoes on. They only faffed a few times before they realised it only resulted in losing playtime.

To get this to work, my alarm goes off about half an hour before they usually wake, to give me time to shower and get dressed so I can keep my eye on them

[ShadyMyLady]

My dc don't get a single toy out in the morning before school. I don't see why there's any need for it and just isn't necessary imo.

So it's dressed, breakfast, teeth, hair, shoes/coats and then leave. Obviously it's not as simple as that as my 4yo is a handful and doesn't do anything she's asked!

And the same as Zuleika, I get up half an hour before them so I'm completey ready before they're even up so I can focus on hearding them out the door.