feeling like a single parent

[Pudding2014]

Hi,
I'm after some advice. I've got a gorgeous 22 week old baby boy who really isn't a good sleeper (never has been). I'm breastfeeding and he used to take ebm from a bottle but has decided to scream the house down if I try giving him a a bottle now (I've tried different types but think we may go straight to a sippy cup). I've also tried formula of a night to see if he sleeps longer than 1-2 hours.
The thing is my other half, ive been averaging 4 hours sleep a night, he has never changed a nappy and our baby even gets upset with him if I'm not in the room. I've asked him of a weekend if he can get up with the baby and maybe take him for a walk so I can grab an hours sleep but he says it's not his job..... We have no family around us and I'm sheer exhausted; I don't know who else to rant to....Any advice greatly appreciated :)

[Sirzy]

It's not his job to look after his own child?

Then I assume it's not your job to cook, clean or do anything else for him.

I think you need to sit down and give him an ultimatum that he is either a part of the family and as such takes responsibility for his own son and helps look after you or he isn't part of the family in which case he can do everything for himself until he finds somewhere new to live and you will just focus on you and the baby.

Have you tried co-sleeping to get more sleep? It's not something I did but it helps a lot of people.

[niceupthedance]

What is his job then? Is he taking care of shopping, cooking and cleaning? God he sounds like an arse.

Aside from telling him where to go I would just sleep when baby sleeps. Go to bed at 7pm, just leave him to it.

[17leftfeet]

You don't feel like a single parent

Living with a partner who does nothing is worse (I've done both)

The burning resentment is much worse, as a single parent you run to your own timetable so even if you are exhausted there is no expectation too cook, clean, keep the baby quiet -when he baby sleeps you can rest

You need to speak to him, but be prepared not to hear the answers you want

Make the decision that's right for you, if he's not going to consider your feelings, you don't need to consider his

[PleaseJustShootMeNow]

I'm gobsmacked at the 'not his job' comment. What does he think a parent's job is then?

[Thurlow]

Not his job?

Honestly, that's one of the worst things I've heard on here in ages.

Is he doing anything other than going to work?

What are you getting out of sharing a house with him at the moment?

[Russettbella1000]

And this is what you avoid by choosing to be a single parent...sorry OP nothing helpful to say but he sounds horrible.Scarily, many men actually believe it's not their job...They are wrong but social conditioning is hard to shift.

[Smoolett]

Dear me I have a 23 week old dd and my jaw actually dropped when I read its not his job good god what a twat

[wheresthelight]

Your partner is a knob plain and simple.

Assuming that the baby is his then it is entirely his job to help and support you and even if it's jot his then it is still his job to help and support you although he may have more of a case against doing anything with the baby.

I suggest you go on strike and refuse to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, etc etc for him until he learns what a useless waste of space he is.

Alternatively have my very first ltb

[Whiskwarrior]

Oh, I had 'not my job' from my ex when he was raging that he wanted steak for tea (that it was 'my job' to cook, naturally) and he didn't give a shit what I was meant to do for me and the three kids (none of us eat steak) as feeding the kids is 'not his job'.

Some blokes are just charming, eh?

And note I said my ex.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

17leftfeet had it spot on.

I raised dd1 by myself and it was kind if easier because I knew it was just me. When dd2 was born dp tried this and to be fair for four months I let him, I was being a martyr. One day I exploded and told him to get out.

He started pulling his weight. Don't let him kid you that your sleep is not as important as his.

[Lucyccfc]

My Ex-H once said to me (joking) that it wasn't his job to look after DS while I had a lie-in, as he needed to get ready to go and meet his mates to go to the match (football). We both worked F/T.

The following Saturday, when he was in the bathroom, I just shouted up the stairs, 'I'm out now, see you at lunch time'.

I legged it out of the house in my pj's and the bag I had packed the night before with clothes and toiletries in and buggered off to a friends. I had another hours sleep in her spare room and then leisurely had a bath and got dressed.

Suffice to say that we took it in turns after that having a lie-in on a weekend.

(He ended up being my ex-H due to gambling and stealing from me, not because he wouldn't loom after DS).

[MexicanSpringtime]

17leftfeet hit the nail on the head.

Burning resentment sums it up, people like that take the joy out of having a baby in the house.

Co-sleeping is much easier, really