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Parenting

Nursery quandary

17 replies

rosepetalsoup · 30/07/2014 12:43

My DD is due to start nursery around the time of her 2nd birthday, having had no previous childcare. It is a nursery with a long waiting list and took us ages to get her in but I walked past today and was v. depressed to look in. There were two assistants (if that's the right word) to about 12 kids and the key workers looked so bored and listless. They weren't full of energy and fun like the people who run the paid-for activities I take DD to. The kids looked ok, some were playing and shouting, but others looked like lost souls killing time before mum/dad came.

This mirrors what I've seen in other nurseries -- the key workers looking quite downbeat and a little disengaged, as if it's not their dream job (and it probably isbn't - the pay's probably rubbish!)

I had a really keen pang of would my DD be sad, and if not sad then just a bit listless, wasting her precious young years.

Has anyone else found this? Do you have any tips for me? We've already changed nursery plans twice as the others seemed like this as well, so I'm not sure it's a case of that these are bad nurseries, but rather I wanted to know if all nursery is a bit so-so compared to the fun had at home.

I guess I'm weighing up whether to juggle work with carrying on looking after her myself.

Thanks

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MissHC · 30/07/2014 12:46

Hmm doesn't sound like the best nursery to me. It's certainly nothing like the nursery my DD goes to.

Are there any other nurseries in your area? Or otherwise maybe consider a childminder?

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TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 30/07/2014 12:50

Doesn't that sound a bit like how your DD is at home? If you think about it, there are lots of times when you're engaged with your DD and she is happily engrossed in the task or play time that you're having together.

There are also times when your DD will be bored because you're getting lunch ready or are preoccupied with any manner of things.

It is an awfully high expectation to compare the nursery workers and children with an hour at a playgroup and a few highly motivated staff. It is kind of impossible to keep that up all day.

If you stayed at the nursery a while longer they would probably change the activity, have a snack etc.

Having said all that, if you feel that she's going to be worse off at nursery than with you, nothing is going to convince you.

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rosepetalsoup · 30/07/2014 12:54

MissHC I guess they were having a kind of lunchtime 'play time'.

Farmyard -- I think there's truth in your post in that I would always see the worst in it. I'm still not convinced by nurseries and end up reading those articles about them being stressful environments etc etc. But I ought to return to my career! Or so society expects. Age old problem, I know, and a v boring one for Mumsnet probably.

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fledermaus · 30/07/2014 12:58

Are there any state nurseries/children's centres near you? I have always used these over private nurseries and found they tend to pay much better and so have much higher qualified, engaged, quality staff who actually are doing it because they love the job.

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rosepetalsoup · 30/07/2014 13:00

That's a very good suggestion fledermaus. I hadn't thought of that, as I automatically assumed private (actually this is workplace, but yswim) would be better. I'll look into it.

It just seems like we spend ages researching them then everything that comes up I bottle out of at the last minute.

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LouisaJF · 30/07/2014 13:01

Have you had any taster sessions there? Most nurseries will let you come and spend time there so you can see what it's like properly.

I was really against sending DS1 to nursery initially but the difference in him was amazing. He was only going two days a week but his social skills, eating habits and language all came on in leaps and bounds.

You've got feel comfortable with care they're getting but don't discount the idea entirely, it does do them the world of good. DS was always more tired after a day at nursery than he was after being with me because he received so much stimulation that I couldn't give him.

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OneLittleToddleTerror · 30/07/2014 13:06

No, I haven't seen this at DD's nursery. Though I don't know what they look like when the parents aren't there! However DD loves going. I think it depends on the personality of the child. I know someone else whose child always cry at drop off.

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insancerre · 30/07/2014 13:10

Most nursery staff work very long hours. You seriously can't expect them to behave like Ronald McDonald all day.
In fact, its good for children not to be too highly stimulated all the time.
They need down time and the chance to feel bored and find their own activities

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fledermaus · 30/07/2014 13:13

Private generally means tight profit margins, minimum wage staff and cheap food ime.

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MillionPramMiles · 30/07/2014 13:28

I don't think a peek in the window is really enough alone to make a decision is it? How many parents can honestly say they always look like engaged, loving parents every minute of the day and never exasperated, bored ones with a tantrumming toddler :)

There are lots of threads elsewhere about the sorts of questions to ask the nursery and things to look out for so I won't repeat those here but suggest think about what you want/need most from your childcare option before deciding.

No childcare provider is going to substitute a parent entirely but a good one can be fantastic for a child's development. My dd gets so much out of nursery, she's visibly learning, trying new things, making friends, developing new skills. She'll often do things at nursery (eg try new foods, use the potty) that she is reluctant to do at home but happy to do with her peers.

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AuntieStella · 30/07/2014 13:44

"They weren't full of energy and fun like the people who run the paid-for activities I take DD to"

Those people are running classes for an hour or so. No doing whole day care, during which DC also need quiter times.

Do not base your nursery (o any other childcare) decision on whether staff sometimes stop grinning.

If you re fundamentally unhappy with using a nursery at all, just cancel the place and seek something you prefer. No need to come up with reasons IYSWIM.

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MillionPramMiles · 30/07/2014 13:45

fledermaus: or alternatively private means fresh, healthy, organic meals cooked on site by a trained chef, a huge well equipped garden, sand pits, paddling pools, mini kitchens for cooking lessons and more staff than the ratios require (who as a consequence seem to be relaxed and have more time for the kids)...all of which equates to hefty fees of course. Very different from our local children's centre nurseries.

There's no substitute for visiting individual nurseries, it's just not possible to generalise.

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OneLittleToddleTerror · 30/07/2014 13:45

Oh yes about the potty training. She just told me one day she's a big girl and doesn't want nappies anymore. I'm sure she learned it from the older girls in nursery.

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IDontWantToBuildASnowman · 30/07/2014 13:52

I don't think it would be reasonable to expect a full day at nursery to keep the pace of a short activity session, which are often 1-2hrs long max. My sons nursery have various types of activity throughout the week which are structured and led by the staff, and even pay for external companies to come in once a week to do things like yoga or football, but there are also large parts of the day when activities are simply child led, so you will see some reading, some role play, some painting etc, and the staff are there simply to facilitate and ensure everyone is safe and basic needs are met like nappy changes etc.

As someone else said above, the staff can not be expected to act like clowns and entertain from 8am to 6pm, and children need to be able to initiate play themselves - its an important social skill.

If they are a good nursery however they should not have an issue with you requesting to spend some time in the room your child will start in for you to get a better orientation over what they do.

I honestly wouldn't worry though - a nursery with a waiting list is usually a very good sign - people will quickly move away from an establishment if its not good.

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Shelby2010 · 30/07/2014 22:36

It doesn't sound very encouraging, but may be worth checking out a different time of day. If it was lunchtime then it may have been that the key workers were having their break & the room was being staffed by the nursery equivalent of dinner ladies. At my DD's pre-school they do a mixture of directed activities, activities in small groups & 'free play' when the kids basically do what they like with only general supervision, so it really can't be compared with toddler activity groups.

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Pico2 · 30/07/2014 22:43

There are some great nurseries out there. DD goes to a great nursery - it is a private one, so good private nurseries do exist. The difference is primarily in the quality of the staff. DD's nursery has quite short days, so the staff aren't on shifts and some are able to fit their work to school hours, so there are some well experienced, older staff too.

The staff ratio matters enormously too. Some nurseries manage their staff to the statutory minimum. DD's nursery works to much better ratios which means that the staff can really interact with the children and are probably having a better time themselves than those working to minimum ratios.

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ChangeIsNear · 30/07/2014 22:46

This has been my experience with nurseries too unfortunately. The staff just seemed simply put: lazy and uninterested Hmm

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