Really hoping some grounded parents can help me parent better. DD is a physically active, well coordinated, happy, able 5.5yo.
however she is tentative and teary about new things. It seems to be a combo of not wanting to get things wrong, a sort of physical terror (often about personal space being invaded like hairdressers/dentists), and being afraid somebody will 'beat' her or say they have been better than her. I'm all for her expressing anxiety (i've seen the impact on adults who were expected to be stoic) but i don't think my current strategies are doing well!
Today I just spent a painful hour this cycling through the park to drop her at the pool to swim with DH. She requested to take her bike - I was going to walk with her there with my bike, then nip back to do chores, but she wanted to join in. All good. It is a max 10min cycle ride, a few small hills.
We haven't cycled as often as we could have, and i am keen that she starts to get better so we can cycle to school together, have fun doing exercise as a family etc (i am quite unfit and don't want to be). She's still on stabilisers. All her schoolfriends cycle really well.
She normally has a little meltdown on leaving the house on her bike cos she's scared of the hill, and I thought I'd cracked that by just riding it out as she usually starts enjoying herself after a while. (I gave her the option of going back and leaving her bike at that point. She refused.)
NOT today. good god she literally screamed with tears rolling down her face about one thing or another the whole way - it's difficult, i'm too hot, i scraped myself, i'm scared about going too fast, scared about other cyclists zipping past. I ended up pushing her on her bike, plus my bike, the whole frigging way. It took 50 mins. I tried being patient, lots of praise, jollying her along, telling her she'd be able to cycle with/like her friends if she kept trying, finding answers to her anxieties (that just bred new ever more outlandish concerns), in the end found myself saying 'ok we'll never go cycling again' and 'shall we just leave your bike here then, but someone will probably steal it' (there was nowhere to leave the bike or i would have!) which finally stopped her but i hate threatening like that… She understands and accepts the concepts of trying and practising.
I'm so sad and frustrated! I'd love us to be out on our bikes together! We're never going to get there without a bit of practice, today is one of the reasons we get so little. I realise that I have helped create this anxious behaviour in her somehow, so no need to tell me this. But Please give me some new strategies to help us both! Helping her feel more robust will help us in so many other areas too...
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strategies for anxious/crying 5 yo - cycling
18 replies
delurking85 · 27/07/2014 12:44
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