Heartbroken for DD1 am in tears tonight

[sweetkitty]

This may be long so try and bear with me, I'm in tears typing it.

DD1 has just turned 10, were in Scotland so she's just going into P6. P5 started off ok, then around Christmas time one of her friends mums (well call the DD Katie) told me Katie was being bullied by Bee and she had to go up to school and speak to them. Katie's mum was very upset, I spoke to DD1 about this and that Katie shouldn't be left out etc.

After Christmas DD1 started saying Bee wasn't being nice to her, basically she's a Queen Bee and wants to rule the class, there's 10 girls in the class, one of the girls we'll call her Sophie had also been a victim of Bees bullying and now wasn't allowed to play with Bee and was playing with the boys. Queen Bee dictates everything who plays with who etc and it was my DD1s turn to be left out. DD1 was upset and crying so I went and spoke to the HT who said I wasn't the first person to complain and that it wasn't just Bee and that DD1 had been part of the "in" group too. I accept this completely and had spoken to DD1 about this. HT assured me it would be dealt with.

It kind of rumbled on sometimes DD1 was ok sometimes she would be moaning about Bee, I could see this for myself as I help out in the school.

Then about a month ago Bees mum approached me to say that 3 people had said I had been slagging off Bee and had even been to their door complaining about her. I said I wasn't slagging off a 10 year old just that I had concerns about DD1, I had actually been collecting DD1 from Katie's house and Katie's mum was talking to me about Bee. Same with another mum who had said to me her DD was having problems with Bee too. This mum had actually been to see Bees mum and said she didn't want to know.

So so far 4 girls have had problems with Bee. Then another girl in the class actually left school end of term and I believe part of the reason was Bee as DD1 had said she had called her a "paki" because she had dark skin. I told DD1 why this was not acceptable and had the girl told the teacher, DD1 said no.

So it's holiday time here has been for 4 weeks, DD1 hasn't asked to go see any of her friends at all. (Last year she was begging me to) she told me she has no friends. Katie went past her on her bike the other day and she barely said hello, this was Katie who was her best friend last summer sleepovers the lot. She really likes this other girl Lisa but she's quite shy and really under Queen Bees control in that she's not allowed to talk to DD1.

So poor DD1s dreading going back to school, they have jogged the classes around a bit but she's still in Bees class. Oh I told the class teacher too.

What do I do? I know 10 year old girls are terrible but it's more than just 10 year olds being 10 year olds. DD1 can't change classes.

I asked her out of curiosity would she want to move schools and she said she would but unlike her friend who is moving, I would have to move DD2 and 3 and they are really happy at the school.

Do I have another word with the HT at the start of term?

DD1s a sensitive wee thing and this is really getting her down.

[capsium]

I can remember similar situations at school myself around that age and yes it

Right now, you could see if there are any holiday clubs/activities she might like and that would make her feel less lonely. She might make some new friends outside of this group, which would help her confidence.

If you/she was dead set on changing schools could she go into after school childcare/club(s) until you have picked your other DC up?

Things might actually calm down a bit over the hols but if not and your daughter is still upset I would talk to the HT again.

[capsium]

^that should be 'yes it is horrible'. Typo.

[CeliaBowen]

Has your DD thought about an outside of school group like Guides or a sport club or something? Would be good for her confidence as well as an opportunity to make other friends.

Also seek help from school as soon as they go back.

Poor DD.

[sanfairyanne]

can you move schools for just her eg school clubs or makes her own way there/back?

[tobiasfunke]

Talk to Katie's mum and arrange a playdate with some of the other kids. Stop the 10 year olds setting the agenda and get the parents to do it instead.
The parents need to try and sort this out amicably if they can without blaming anyone individually. The HT is not going to be interested in a load of 10 year olds falling out over the summer.
This is normal 10 year old stuff. My neice is going through something similar.In her case some of the parents have got together to nip the whole thing in the bud.

[dancestomyowntune]

It does sound as though as a group the parents may need to step in and have a go at sorting this one out. And this I don't say lightly, I am a big advocate of not getting involved in my children's playground squabbles.

Having said that, if its affecting her summer holidays to this extent then I would say its a problem that needs addressing.

[qumquat]

As a teacher I deal with this kind of stuff all the time; you should definitely speak to the class teacher at the start of term.

[sweetkitty]

Thank you all so much I do know it's normal 10 year old stuff but its been going on a while and affecting her so much.

I spoke to her today about whether if she was an only child she would want to move schools, she said she would think about it.

She does dancing, athletics, used to do Brownies, swimming etc and had friends at all of them but not close friends.

Another complication is that the P5 & P6 class has been jumbled up this year, DD1 will be in the same class as Queen Bee, she doesn't want to go into the other class as DD2 is in there.

So I think I will text Katie's mum and say DD1 is down about having no friends over and would Katie like to come over and I'll also speak to the HT.