It's obviously a very long story but I'm going to try and stick to the facts so it doesn't get long and boring to read.
my 2 oldest children are 5 and 6 and I am not with their Dad. we split soon after they were born (becasue he was useless and didn't help at all, didnt work etc and I woke up to what a looser he was). And I raised them pretty much alone with him visiting occasionally when he could be bothered.
The past year or so he had been having them twice a month for a day. He then wanted to take them on holiday this summer holidays. I agreed, being pleased he was finally making the effort. his family are also going, so my kids would be with their cousins so I figgured they would have a great time. now im regretting it massively.
so much is now indicating that I can't trust him. some examples being:
- he has been caught out using incorrect or no car seats on several occasions. I told him previously that if he did it again he would need to go to court to see them.
since then he did it again last weekend. he then denied all knownlegdge and said the kids were lying. till I asked him to come round and sort it out with him and the kids there so we could work out what really happened. then suddenly he "remembered"
- he asked to have them overnight which I thought was odd at the time as he has always refused in the past. they didn't go as I had plans anyway but it turned out they would actually have been sleeping at his new girlfriends flat. not a massive problem on its own but I am pissed off that he was just going to lie and let me think they were at his mum's house (where he currently lives).
- he has lied about the holiday and it turns out to be his girlfriend and her child they will be sharing a caravan with, not his family. again I have nothing against this girl, but I don't do lies. and I didn't even know she existed till about 2 weeks ago.
- I can't believe anything he says as everything turns out to be lies.
- he doesn't seem to be a responsible adult. I don't feel that I can trust him to keep my precious girls safe all week. he has never taken them swimming etc which they will be doing.
- he has a (very minor)car accident with the kids in the car a few weeks ago. he kept this from me and I found out a few weeks later when the kids told me. what if they had wiplash/injuries that hadn't shown immediately? I would of ignored complaints of back/neck aches (daughter is one who moans everything hurts). I should of been informed so I could keep an eye on them.
I don't know what to do. They will be devistated if they dont go. and I will be the bad one. But what if something happens?! what if he doesn't supervise properly? what if he is lying about other stuff?
I have also had messages from who was his close friend until recently. they had been close since they were children. but have fallen out over the new girlfriend (to the point that police are involved.) and he has been messaging to warn me that she is a nasty piece of work.
He does seem to have a history with her though so not sure how reliable the information is.
I've sat in tears over this most nights lately. I don't know what to do. It seems like a total mess.