How to get toddler to go to sleep alone?

[TalcumPowder]

I think HVs and grandparents would file this under 'the consequences of making a rod for your own backs', but am hoping for some advice from Mn. Our son is 2.4 and was fed to sleep till he was maybe a year and a half, after which he would stay awake after his milk, but one of us would lie next to him until he fell asleep (we co-sleep, so he's in our bed). This used to take fifteen or twenty minutes, so not a problem.

Now the period between end of milk/lights out and him actually going to sleep is usually an hour, and can be longer, which is getting beyond a joke. Last night, he was in his bath at seven thirty, lights out by eight, but DH didn't come back downstairs until ten past nine.

He used to have a two hour nap between 12.15 and 2.15 at his childminder's, but we have recently cut this down to one hour, which he seems to need. He is very lively, and gets plenty of exercise, has a consistent, calming bedtime routine of bath, milk, story etc, and will often seem tired when he goes upstairs, but then he tosses and turns and can't seem to switch off.

We would like him to be able to settle to sleep by himself - any thoughts on how this might be done? We're also thinking of moving him into his own room in the near future, and wondering if we should try to train him to self-settle then, or do it first, before the move?

Thanks for any advice.

[rubyslippers]

i would do gradual retreat and get him in his own room in one go

make a big, happy deal out of the new room - let him choose bedding and a new toy

then settle him in on his first night and sit in the room, where he can see you

don't talk other than to say its sleepy time

then gradually move the chair/seat over time until you are out of the door

the phrase is important as you can use that to soothe

when i did it, it was 3 nights in the first position, 3 nights further away and finally 3 nights where DD couldn't see me but could hear me

after that i could put her to bed, and potter upstairs and she would sometimes call for me and i could say it's sleepy time

then basically i could just put her to bed

[TalcumPowder]

Thanks, ruby. Do you think that would work on a child of his age? And you just move position every few nights? Was your child distressed at all when this was going on?

Definitely planning to make a big, nice treat-y thing about his big boy bed and new unbelievably ugly Fireman Sam duvet set etc. Co-sleeping has worked very well for us (and I could watch him sleeping forever), but as he grows, our bed doesn't, and the endless bedtime routine means one of us spends a huge chunk of the evening upstairs without dinner or adult conversation, which is getting beyond a joke.

[Imperial]

I hate to say it but the only way I solved this was to cut the nap completely. He would still happily have one and I daren't put him in the car in the afternoons but even a 15 min nap before noon can mean bedtime put back til about 9.

[rubyslippers]

Yes I do think it would work

My DD was 3.5 years when I did it

[rubyslippers]

there was NO distress at all

3 nights i sat very near her bed but not close enough to touch her

3 nights i moved very near the door so she could still see me

3 nights moved behind a wall so she couldn't see me but could hear me

i explained each night what was happening

there was a massive fairy tea set at the end of it all

[TalcumPowder]

God, Imperial. I'll think seriously about that (though, as a writer with far less childcare than I would like, my heart has even quailed within me at shortening my midday work period...) You may be right... I'll try no nap at the weekend and see if that improves bedtime.

Ruby, thanks again. Will go ahead and order his bed and bedclothes, and will try this, definitely.