Feeling emotional and like a let down...11 year old daughter being picked on but doesn't want me to say anything. WWYD ?

[jaykay34]

This is probably going to sound ridiculous...but I need to get it off my chest.

My daughter is 11 and is going to be in a local musical in the summer. There are a number of other girls in it - who all have an amateur stage school background. My daughter (apart from being in school shows) is completely new to the theatre world - the musical was her first audition - and she was put forward by a teacher at school.

Recently, she has complained of the other kids not liking her and being nasty/making snide remarks etc. She hasn't seemed too bothered and has bonded more with adult members.

However, the other day I took her to an event with the cast and saw first-hand that the other kids were looking her up and down and smirking / walking off when she approached them to say hi / whispering about her etc.

I felt absolutely furious and wanted to say something. When I returned home I ended up in tears about it. I've asked my daughter if she wants to drop out and she has said that she doesn't care about the backbiting because she's got used to it. She doesn't want me to make the director or other adults aware either - incase it gets worse.

I know i sound over the top, but I hate sending her off somewhere where other kids are so mean and I don't think she has done anything to perpertrate the behaviour. She seems determined to go ahead with the show but I feel guilty that its at the expense of her being bullied.

I am pregnant aswell so perhaps I am being a bit of an emotional wreck.

I feel like I am standing back and doing nothing - should I just carry on and let her get on with it ?

[FlossyMoo]

That's awful Jay and I understand why you are upset.

Your daughter sounds very mature and confident which is great

Have you thought of inviting the other children to your home for a get together?

I know it sounds daft but it may break the ice with them (they sound jealous of our daughter) and give them the opportunity to get to know your DD outside of the theatre.

Failing that allow your DD to handle the situation but just reaffirm that you are supportive of her decisions and she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want.

Hope the show is a success

[aNoteToFollowSo]

OP it's hard not to feel homicidal rage at anyone being mean to one's DC!! And like you, I am devastated if it happens.

But it does seem your DD is handling it. Good for her for not letting it get her down, and for sticking with the project in the face of such nasty behavior. How on earth a group of 11 year olds can be openly rude to another child saying 'hello' is beyond me. I would acknowledge her bravery and resilience, and remind her that this determination will serve her well throughout her life. And also remind her that you are there to offer any support she needs - either in the form of talking those in charge, or just being a sympathetic listener.

Then I'd go and stick pins into effigies of the other little shits children.

I suppose if she is interested in the stage then handling this sort of bitchiness is one of the things she has to learn. You must have done some good parenting to raise a child with strong enough self esteem to rise above this. Good for you, and best of luck with this.

[jaykay34]

Thanks for your replies...think I was feeling over-emotional about the whole thing. I've been really lucky in the fact that my children have sailed through lie so far without having major problems with other kids - and my over-protective parent has got the better of me.

On reflection, my daughter is a really strong girl who seems to take it all in her stride. She loves being a part of the show and does have older people there she can speak to. I think her love of acting has over-ruled the need to be popular - and that is definitely a good thing

[marne2]

I would let your dd handle it, it sounds as though she already is by ignoring it. Sounds like the other girls are jealous, maybe because they have worked so hard to get into the show and they feel your dd hasn't. Sounds like your dd is doing very well, she sounds very mature and wants to handle it herself, just keep reminding her that you are there to talk when ever she wants too and if it gets too much she can tell you.

[spritesoright]

I disagree with the other posters and feel you should mention it to the leader who can make it clear to the group that bullying is not acceptable without singling anyone out.
It's unacceptable and should be stopped. You've witnessed it first hand so you can even report this to the leader.
Your daughter may appear to be handling it now butthe relentlessness and brutality of bullying can wear anyone down and affect us in ways we may not realise.

[LittlePink]

That's just awful. My sister went through something similar with her son recently, this year actually. Hes 12 and was being so badly bullied at school. He is the youngest and smallest in his year but was in the top sets for most subjects and doing really well academically in a school that is just about to go into special measures. The only thing he doesn't like is sports and the other boys thought he was weird and a geek and said the most horrible and cruel things to him. He didn't want anything done about it and said he could handle it and had got used to it but he started to develop behavioural issues like a hacking cough and a twitch in his eye. He was taken to a consultant and he was diagnosed with stress. My sister told the school but they said they could tell the boys off and put them in the exclusion zone when incidents occurred, but they couldn't guarantee his safety. He was beaten up in fights in a couple of times and 3 boys confronted him one day with compasses and threatened him and one of them dragged the compass down his back causing a long scratch. They got to him through the online gaming thing and threatened him at home while my sister and her husband watched the messages coming through about how he needed to watch his back on Monday etc. He was in tears all sunday saying he didnt want to go as he was scared as to what would happen to him when he got to school. They were beyond furious. Ughhh honestly the stories I could tell you about what he went through. Anyway the long and short of it was they moved him to another school, even though he said he was ok. Hes loving the new school now and has just got back from Barcelona on a school trip loving every minute where everyone was nice to him. That would have never happened in the old school. I would get her away from those nasty girls into a group where she can make friends. There must be other drama groups she can go to??? I wouldn't leave her enduring that BS. Its not worth it.