DS and public loo's

[fairgame]

What am i supposed to do with DS using public loo's?

He is 9 and has ASD. He has always come in the ladies with me but now wants to go in the men's because he has realised he is male!
I don't feel comfortable with this as he has no stranger danger and i feel that he is vulnerable, however i understand he needs to have the opportunity to gain independence.
He is bright but has significant lack of social skills and social boundaries.

I have also had some problems with comments from women and other parents with him using the ladies as some people clearly feel he is too old.

I've asked family and friends and they are split on what i should do, so over to you MN....

[Rainicorn]

Use the disabled toilets. I do the same when I am out with ds2 who has ASD and still needs help using the toilet, and is also terrified of hand dryer noises.

[Middleagedmotheroftwo]

Let him use the men's loos (but not the loo's). What harm can he come to in a toilet??

[fairgame]

Let him use the men's loos (but not the loo's). What harm can he come to in a toilet??

That's what i thought but according to my very old fashioned father, men's toilets are full of paedophiles

I have let him use the men's a few times but my dad is not happy about it. I think he is being ridiculous but there are a few other parents at our local autism group who seem to share the same view, especially after that teenager got raped in debenhams in manchester, so now im questioning my judgement.

[Pangaea]

Well luckily, your father is not your DS's father and has very little input into how he is parented.

Let him go in the men's!

[Hurr1cane]

I use the disabled with DS who is 8.But he has severe ASD and I can't even leave him outside the cubical without him running off and he is in nappies still.

But ASD is a disability and if you feel he can't be trusted alone then you'll have to go in the disabled with him. If he can be trusted alone then the men's with you stood outside the door.

[slightlyinsane]

I use disabled when we're all needing to go. This is something he needs to learn to do and be confident about doing it. If you're worried about stranger danger decide what's best at the time, my thoughts are, if it's busy let him go alone if not let him use the disabled. I'd always stand outside and wait and let him know that. Anyone going in will see you and if in the remote chance that anything happned you are in shouting distance for him or you've already acted as a deterrent.
All parents go through similar anxieties when deciding when dcs can go to public toilets on their own, one major thing for me was dds locking door and not been able to open it.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Its hard without knowing your DS - my NT 6 year old boy is very big for his age and gets occassional comments in the ladies, which make him self concious, so I let him go in the mens as long as its somewhere "ordinary" like a cafe - might not at a motorway service station or the like - and stand by the door. I'd also say you are entitled to let him use the disabled though your case.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Can you give him set "Public toilet rules" to get around the lack of social skills?

[StrawberryGashes]

I use the disabled toilet with my son, he has aspergers and even if he would go into a men's toilet on his own (he hates strangers so wouldn't go in unless someone he knew was there) there's still the chance he could lock himself in the toilet and not be able to ask for help, not be able to turn on the taps or turn on the hot tap and scald himself, get anxious and have a meltdown over any queues, or have a huge meltdown over a hand drier going off.

My local council gave me a RADAR key, it is a special key that opens disabled toilets and this means if we're out there's no issues if he needs the toilet.

[fairgame]

I always wait outside the door for him if he uses the men's. I have told him that he is not to talk to strangers and not to let anyone touch him. I know that if anyone did approach him he would tell me, he doesn't do secrets at all!

I made him come in the ladies earlier because a group of dodgy looking lads went in the mens and gut feeling was really telling me not to let him go in. I guess in these situations i might let him use the disabled so i know he is safe.
I just think he's never going to gain independence if he isn't given the opportunity.

[MostWicked]

You have to let him use the gents. I dare say he is very purposeful and walks in, does his business then walks out. If you are waiting outside, he's not going to come to any harm.
Try not to make him too scared of strangers. I hate the term stranger danger, it's very misleading.