How to get 7.4yo ds to REMEMBER stuff esp. school things.

[TheKitchenWitch]

Anything which is classified as "non-essential" (by him) tends to get forgotten.

We've had forgotten jackets, umbrellas etc. He's forgotten to go to homework club right after school (so came home earlier than expected and was then upset that I wasn't there).
I have got round this by putting stickers and notes on his school bag, but obviously there is a danger that if there are too many reminders he will just skim over them and ignore them.

We now have an issue with his homework book, where he writes what the night's homework is supposed to be: he's stopped doing it, or only writes a bit of it.
This means he can't finish the homework, and therefore has even more to do the next day. It also means I can't check that he's done it, which I'm supposed to do. He's also carting around masses of books that he doesn't need because he doesn't check to see which ones are required for that night's homework.

Any suggestions? I get that he is a very dreamy, imaginative child who is off in his own little world half the time, I really do, and I make allowances for that (as does his teacher) but it can't mean that he just forgets stuff and it doesn't matter.

[amyhamster]

7.4?
Or year 7?

[BertieBotts]

Can you write him a list of things he needs to do in the morning before he leaves and in the afternoon/evening after school, and only if he's ticked everything off is he allowed TV/xbox/playing out etc.

It's a mistake to make allowances for dreaminess I think (I am dreamy, forgetful, disorganised and it's a nightmare) - instead you should be trying to teach him coping strategies. Not things that he can't follow or remember, that's unfair, and no huge punishments for things he's forgotten, but helping him to realise that it's not just something he has to accept but he can work with his brain to find a solution. That's the kicker really - solutions that work for others don't work for (me or) him, so you need workarounds that do.

[BertieBotts]

Although agree with previous poster that it sounds like he has a lot to remember for a 7yo! :)

Do you pick him up from school? Can you check he's written down his homework before he leaves, and if not he needs to go back and ask the teacher - and perhaps miss out on something by having to take the extra time to do that.

[TheKitchenWitch]

7yo, we're in Germany, so this is considered normal for 1st year school. So don't pick him up either - he walks home on his own.

I agree that he needs to find ways to work around it. He doesn't seem to be motivated by the usual "bribes" or rewards at all - the fact that he can/can't do or get something later doesn't seem to impact his being able to remember what he's supposed to do at school; I really don't htink it's deliberate at all.

I'm now wondering whether maybe some sort of check-list which he has to actually tick off at school might work better.

[Amibeingunfair]

My ds has ADHD and forgets things allllllll the time! He has a checklist on the door he exits to make sure he has everything he needs in his bag. It worked great for a while...now we just need to get the teacher to remind him to use it!!

[BertieBotts]

I wondered if you were in Germany! Me too (although DS is in kindergarten) and a friend is struggling with her 8 year old with the same things and is finding the list idea very helpful - it was she who I got the idea from.

I do think (stereotypes abound) that the Germans are very logical and organised people and this reflects in that children are expected to remember and be responsible for things a lot earlier than in other cultures e.g. British.

Also it's the end of term, or at least it is in this Bundesland, maybe he's just tired?

[TheKitchenWitch]

Yes, he's probably tired but he's also very, very dreamy - I've been called into school about it because he just doesn't get the work done. The teachers were worried that he was falling massively behind and then they tested him (without him realising iyswim) and were very relieved (and somewhat surprised) to find that he actually knew what he was supposed to, he just didn't get on with the work .

I think we will work on some sort of check-list for September; I'm sure he will feel better when he's more in control rather than getting home and me asking "have you done / brought / remembered xyz" and him realising that he hasn't yet again.

I agree that it is quite a lot they have to remember straight away from the 1st year - they start school later than in the UK but it's imo much more serious straight away. I can't quite believe they're already doing joined-up writing, and they are really strict about exactly how it has to be joined!

[BertieBotts]

May depend on your area but have you thought about having him assessed for ADHD? Some of the strains don't have the hyperactivity bit but just the lack of focus. I strongly suspect I have it but as I'm an adult there's not much sense in getting assessed. I know German schools can be quite crap with any kind of SEN provision.

[BertieBotts]

And I agree with starting the checklist in September :)

[TheKitchenWitch]

I've never really considered having him assessed - he seems to me to just be very dreamy and off in his own world and tbh reminds me totally of what I was like at that age (I am SO understanding my mum's frustration now!!!!). He has no problems focsuing on things which to him are "important". But possibly I do need to look into ADHD.
On the other hand, as you say, there isn't really any SEN provision so would it help at all?