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Parenting

Letter to baby for first birthday

6 replies

AllTheUsernamesAreTaken · 20/07/2014 21:40

My DS will be 1 in a few weeks and I've been thinking of what to do for his birthday that is special. I know some people think 1st birthday presents/celebrations etc are pointless but it's a pretty significant milestone to me as the first months took their toll but I feel we've made it out the other end. We're not really planning on buying him much in the way of toys or clothes, as there doesn't seem any point, as we buy these for him anyway, but plan to have him a keepsake made from his babygrows and buy a nice moneybox that he'll hopefully have throughout his childhood.

I would also like to write him a letter for his birthday, and hopefully for each year after. I was thinking of putting them away and giving them to him when he was an adult. I haven't kept a diary or a note of when he met his milestones so I thought it was something I can do for him, looking back over the previous year and telling him about it, whilst it is still fairly fresh in my mind.

What I am wondering is whether I should keep it just about his first year, what he has done, the mishaps we've had, how much I now love him etc or whether I should be honest?

I am absolutely besotted with him now but I struggled in the begin - he had silent reflux and screamed a lot, I had PND (and am still on anti-depressants, although currently trying to reduce dose) and although I looked after him and cared for him, it took me a few months to really fall in love with him. It wasn't until he got the meds he needed, I got the anti-depressants and his personality started to come through that I fell head over heels for him and think he's amazing.

I want to be honest in the letter about his first year but I'm just not sure it's appropriate to tell him about my difficulties bonding with him etc even though he will read it as an adult, or at least a young adult.

He's my baby and I don't want him to read a letter from me which leaves him thinking I didn't love him but at the same time I want the letter to be an honest account of his and our first year together.

Any advice?


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Mrsgrumble · 20/07/2014 21:43

What a gorgeous idea. I would love to do this too. Our boy is nearly a year.

I think I would leave out the difficulties to be honest. Just keep it really positive and wrote down funny things he had done and his little achievements, who's features he has. How many teeth etc.

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Theyaremysunshine · 20/07/2014 21:52

It's a lovely idea, but not the difficulties. Imagine he read these at eighteen, or worse still if he read them after losing you and his very first letter was about how you didn't fall in love with him straight away. (Totally understandable btw, I didn't with dd either, but I don't think it would be of any benefit to him to hear it at that stage).

What I'd suggest is writing 2 letters, one all good bits, one covering the harder honesty. This would perhaps be cathartic for you and you could keep it for after he has his own children. Then perhaps, when he is better able to understand that parenthood isn't as straightforward as it may seem, you could show him that letter and it may help.

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Iggly · 20/07/2014 21:55

Yes but don't tell him the shit parts. If it is about clearing your mind then write that for yourself.

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MJP1 · 20/07/2014 21:57

I did this on my babies 1st birthday and plan to keep doing it till she 18, I hope I keep it up and remember where I keep the letters !

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catellington · 20/07/2014 22:05

I did this.

I agree with theyaremysunshine. Write a beautiful positive letter to Ds and as a separate exercise you could write down the other stuff, either keep or just destroy straight away

I find it very therapeutic to write, if I'm feeling angry, down etc I find I am often able to let go of the feelings after writing a draft email, then deleting it the next day

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AllTheUsernamesAreTaken · 20/07/2014 22:06

I think that you're all right, I'm getting the two things confused; wanting to write a letter to my baby and the need to set out what a difficult few months it was. After all, he's my baby not my therapist!

I suppose I can light heartedly refer to parenting being hard work and him only sleeping through once every few weeks - tell him that his Dad and I joke that he does this because it's no fun torturing your opponent when they're completely on their knees, so he lets us recover a bit! Grin. Things like this are typical parenting issues and will hopefully make him laugh - he doesn't need to hear about how awful things were in the early months, it's something we can talk about, if and when he becomes a parent himself, if the time is right.

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