Help!

[Whereisme]

I have 3 lovely boys (just 7 and 4 1/2 year old twins). They get on so well together which is great, but I'm having trouble getting on top of their behaviour!

They are full of energy and seem incapable of doing anything quietly! Don't get me wrong I'm glad that they are not sitting round watching tv all the time, but I just want them to calm down a bit!

They also don't listen to us. We have started a reward chart for good behaviour, but this hasn't helped stop the bad behaviour. We use time out in their room and have resorted to shouting at times (which I'm not proud of), but nothing seems to work!

Lastly, the twins are being dreadful at night. They used to go to sleep straight away, but are now mucking around and playing in their room for up to 3 hours. This has been happening since before the heat wave so can't even blame that!

I really don't know what to do anymore! Any advice greatly appreciated!

[Whereisme]

Anyone?

[Whereisme]

I know this isn't the worst problem in the world, but sitting here in tears because of the bad behaviour and lack of respect for any of their belongings and the house.

[CultureSucksDownWords]

My DS is only just 2, so I don't have any experience of children the age of yours. However I didn't want your post to go unanswered!

All I can suggest is maybe try a book called "how to talk so your children will listen" - lots of posters on here seem to have found it useful.

[Bettercallsaul1]

OP, I think that dealing with three little boys (especially two under-fives) is exceedingly hard work and you are doing very well just to get to the end of each day, having fed them, clothed them and kept them safe! Four-year-olds, in particular, are active, boisterous and like to follow their own inclinations. Although probably angelic individually (sometimes!), little boys tend to develop a "pack" mentality when together and often simply ignore adults who are trying to rein them in or tell them what to do. I would say you are probably at the worst stage of this at the moment - they will get more more amenable as they get older.

However, that is no consolation for the problems you are encountering at the moment, and you obviously need to try some new strategies for dealing with their behaviour. Are the twins at nursery for half the day at least while your seven-year-old is at school? Is it weekends and evenings that are the problem? I assume from the "us" and "we" in your post that you have a partner to share responsibility with and that you are not on your own? If so, I would divide up caring for the boys at this stage so that you both get some much-needed time off. I would plan ahead and arrange activities for the boys at weekends that one of you does with them while the other relaxes or simply gets on with chores in a quiet house! Plan day trips, with a packed lunch and let the boys run about in the park or playground or visit a National Trust property with various play areas/places of interest. The boys get a day of active play outside, while one of you enjoys a day of peace! The next day, you reverse it, so that the other parent assumes sole charge. Don't feel guilty about not doing things as a family - at this stage, you have to think in terms of psychological survival!
In the evenings, is there any possibility of dividing up the boys for sleeping purposes - or at least the twins- so they do not get the chance to create mayhem? I would be tempted to set up one of the twins' beds in your room (or any spare room) and make them sleep separately for a while. Then, stagger their bedtimes, so they're going to bed with at least half an hour between the times, to allow each one settle down quietly by themselves. Obviously you would have to let each twin have alternate turns of being the late one, but they would probably enjoy being allowed to stay up later in the new system. Then have a definite "winding down" routine - keeping it the same every night - with just an extra half hour of quiet play for one twin at the end. Your seven-year-old can go to bed half an hour or an hour after his siblings so they are not starting the night all together. Divide and conquer!

Needless to say, you have to get your partner on board to enforce all this but if the two of you are united and determined, you can create order (or more order than you have at the moment) in your family. Good luck!

[Bedsheets4knickers]

Keep using your reward charts keep using time out. My ds nearly 4 has started playing up at bedtime . I think (in my own bubble) children will play up, they learn the hard way . Just carry on with the rules and punishments In the end you'll reach the other side. I used to come down hard thinking I was raising devil children but really it's just children x

[Whereisme]

Thank you all for your suggestions. I have just got "How to talk..." from the library, so will start reading it.

You are right, they definitely have a pack mentality and are much easier to handle individually or even in pairs. The twins so go to nursery, but I work 4 days a week and sometimes panic that me working is making their behaviour worse (went back in January).

We actually had a good night last night so will carry on with rewards and time out as well as the other suggestions on here.

[Bettercallsaul1]

That's great that last night was an improvement, OP - one night at a time!