2yo on verge of becoming picky eater - how to deal with/avoid/live with?

[flipflopsonfifthavenue]

DS is 2yo and although he eats or at least tries some of everything he is offered at nursery, at home he really only eats a handful of things.

This is mainly my/our fault, as DP and I both work full time we've fallen into a bit of a habit/trap of basically offering the same things. Three times a week, we all get home past 6pm after nursery and its a quick snack for DS then bath and bed.

The other days we always plan to eat together but we're so badly organised with planning and shopping for meals that what invariably happens is 5pm comes round and one of us will just say "shall I just make him some pasta?".

The past few weeks we've decided that we need to get better, so we give him something we know he likes for breakfast and lunch, and then dinner time we'll give him what we have - if he doesn't eat it, then fine, but the plan is NOT to offer an alternative.

We're both happy with this approach. It's not as if we're going to be eating mackeral pate - we'll stick to 'regular' family meals, so stuff that he should like and similar to what he gets at nursery.

But this is the bit we're getting stuck over - if he refuses his main, but then asks for yogurt, what should we do?

My theory has always been - your meal is a main, yogurt and/or fruit, and you can have as much or as little from those things. But am not making an alternative main. I don't like the idea of witholding food as a punishment, nor do I like the idea of giving food as a reward, hence having yogurt/fruit doesn't depend on what you eat for main. I've taken this approach throughout his weaning.

DP says that if we take this approach, DS will just wait for his yogurt and never try anything new. My feeling is that there will be lots of meals that he knows and likes and so he will eat, and then probably won't ask for yogurt. DP is worried that we'll end up with a child who refuses ALL food and will ONLY eat yogurt.

What do others do? We've always been very relaxed around food and never forced DS to eat anything or stay at the table longer that he wanted etc - so this is the first challenge really. I think its more likely to be a battlefield between DP and I, than us and DS :(

[LastTango]

I agree with your DP. Offer without saying anything, take away without saying anything. No alternatives, but gets a yoghurt if half is eaten.

[TarkaTheOtter]

Our dd is just coming out of a phase of fussy eating at 2.5yrs. Eating meals together made a real difference for us. At 2yrs I'd still give the yogurt regardless of how much is eaten. We have (and given dessert too sometimes) and it hasn't led to the problems your dh is worried about. They are so in the moment that they don't "hold out" for pudding IMO. We've put no pressure in about quantities and just (very lightly) encouraged her to taste things and the list of things she'll eat grows every day.

[wubwubwub]

don't offer the yogurt then. say to him, there is no yogurt today. this is all there is.

no law says you have to have pudding at every meal.

kids are allowed to go hungry too

[TwirlyCat]

I would still give the yoghurt. I don't believe food should be used as punishments and a yoghurt is not going to fill him up to the extent that is the reason why he is refusing food.

Dd often crys for yoghurt before even touching her meal. I just give it to her and more often than not she will then go on to eat her main.

Your Ds is not going to want to eat new things if he feels under pressure just like adults don't want to eat in stressful setting.

I sympathise as my DD is a fussy eater and it is frustrating. I am building up what she eats but the slowly slowly approach is the only thing that works with her. Something familiar and something new on the plate and no pressure to eat either.

[notmuchofaclue]

I agree with you entirely. Our 2yo DD has always been a bit of a fusspot too, so I've done quite a lot of reading up on it, and also spoke to a really helpful HV (yep, they do exist!) and the advice seems fairly consistent - offer a pudding no matter what they do or don't eat for main. Pudding in our house is yoghurt/fruit or low fat custard so nothing particularly unhealthy, it's not like she's living off chocolate buttons. The theory is if you withhold pudding based on whether the main is eaten, you hold the pudding out as the reward to focus on, and the main as the chore to get through. Also, encouraging them to eat when they don't want to can override their natural instinctive appetite, and can sometimes create problems when they're older.
We had exactly the same problem that we were creating the problem with our DD by offering her the same old stuff. We've forced ourselves to get organised with meals and eat at the same time as her, I think it does really help. You just need to keep exposing her to different foods, even if it takes ages before she'll eat them. Exposure is the key. Offer her something new, along with something you know she'll eat if she's hungry. So we will always give her something like bread and butter or pitta bread with a bit of whatever we're having. If she doesn't even touch the new stuff, we don't discuss it, just clear it away at the end and offer her yoghurt etc. She'll get there in the end. The best thing I read was that your job is to put a healthy varied diet in front of your kids, their job is to eat it. You can't do that bit for them. Don't stress about it, and they won't either.

[notmuchofaclue]

Oops sorry OP I meant your DS not DD, must learn to pay attention to the detail!

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Dd1 went through a fussy stage thanks MIL

I kind of went hardcore with her and offered her dinner, if she didn't want it then she didn't have to eat it but there was nothing else and no pudding.

She soon cottoned on and started eating and now eats pretty well.

Dd2 being the second, was the opposite really, not giving her pudding and having to watch everyone else eat pudding seemed a sure fire way to draw attention and make a big deal out of it so with her, dinner was presented and pudding wasn't dependant in how much or if she ate dinner.

Can't say I noticed the blindest bit if difference with effectiveness tbh so if base it on your child. It's suggested now that giving then what they like and merely providing g the opportunity to try things with no fuss is the way to go. But every kid is different so do what you feel your child will respond to

[wubwubwub]

I still don't really understand why pudding/desert/afters has to be offered every day anyway.

[toomuchtooold]

Don't know much about the hardline method but with my two (2 and a quarter) I let them have fruit/yoghurt/bit of bread if they're not wanting their main meal, and like other posters have said, sometimes they'll give out for yoghurt, have a bit and then eat their dinner. Whatever is fine.

They like routines and knowing what's coming next at this age and he's probably just taking a while to get used to the change. My two have a thing with chips, that there's one park we used to go to in the winter and they'd have chips at the café, and now despite hardly ever having chips and never ever asking for them anywhere else, whenever we go to that park it's CHIPS! CHIPS! as soon as we walk in the gate. I think part of it is just being pleased that they know it's the chips café.

Also mine sometimes go through phases of just not eating much for a while, could be that? One of mine will sit down and eat a chicken leg and a bucket of pasta once a week and spend the rest of the week grazing on fruit. I swear yesterday she got most of her calories from a) a jar of gherkins we took with us on our picnic lunch and b) some blackberries that we found in the park.

[Cenicienta]

Though we don't generally follow the "experts" we did find the books by Ellyn Satter very helpful. I remember someone on here recommended her to me a while ago and I reluctantly read some of her stuff.

Basically she advocates a division of responsibility. Parents decide when and what food is offered. Child decides how much they want to eat.

This has revolutionised mealtimes for us.

Your DS is still very young but I think this lady covers eating issues at all stages. It may or may not help.

[notaflamingclue]

I can't offer and fussy eater advice, as DD has always eaten well. ButI was going to suggest batch cooking and freezing? I still do this for DD and I see no reason to stop til she's well into school age (we eat rather late to eat with her).
I've always got a choice of 5 or 6 healthy meals to choose from in the freezer, which I just nuke and serve.

[NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown]

This website is excellent for answers to all your questions.

DS has been a fussy eater since about 2, he's now 3.6. I believe he has sensory issues but my approach is the same - we give him the same as us at dinner time, a pudding around 3 times a week and after a frustrating spell of him pushing his plate away and telling us he's "waiting for pudding" we've now started serving it up at the same time as his dinner. This takes away the idea that it's something to look forward to or wait for and on the whole he'll eat it first and then go back to his dinner, no fuss. We just tell him to leave anything he doesn't like on his plate.

I especially like the idea of pudding being an extra chance to get calories in (as long as it's healthy why wouldn't this be the case) - unfortunately many of us were brought up with the attitude of 'eat your dinner first' or 'just one more mouthful' etc, that website has given me a much healthier attitude to food and fussiness, it's well worth a look