How to deal with 2.10yo bad behaviour?

[Honesttodog]

Really struggling with Ds who turns 3 in sept. He is rude - shouts stupid and calls me idiot all the time. Hits his sister, often in situations where I can't quickly separate them or stop him. Saves his worst behaviour for when it is just me and his Dsis and him - often it is int the morning her I simply don't have time to deal with every argument and altercation. DH is not around during kids waking hours so can't really help.

I said to DD this eve that I would try to think of a way to stop DS being so naughty, and she said maybe we should give him back and get a new brother. //sad

I am so frustrated because we moved house and they have toys and and a big garden to play in, and Ds seems to make an effort to disrupt Dd's play or make her cry.

He also responds very badly to being told off, if I raise my voice or use a firm voice he cries and shouts back at me.

I feel like I have caused this bad behaviour somehow, by shouting too much probably.

I am looking for practical advice and strategies I can start with tmw.

Hate star charts but willing to listen to yr success stories and give them a go If they work.

How the hell am I supposed to respond when he is endlessly trying to hurt his sister - it makes me angry! How to tamp down that anger when I can't walk away to calm Down because I have to protect my kids from each other?

Naughty step not terribly effective as it doesn't see a big enough negative consequence of hitting. Just says sorry, I be a good boy, then minutes later it happens again.

My feelings now I've typed this out is that he needs more positive attention from me. I am a bit preoccupied with cooking so maybe less time in the kitchen and more on the floor with him. Just don't want to eat shit nor feed it to them.

Still want yr advice if u have any.

[flippyfloppy]

Could have written your post! DD 6 and DS 3 , although the behaviour you describe started about 6 months ago. Like you time out wasn't effective, like your DS mine will shout back and lash out at me when being told about his behaviour. Most effective thing I have found is an instant consequence so if he is destructive he will get a warning "if you do that again I will take the batman off you" then if he does it again I will take the toy off him and put it away without any arguments. A huge tantrum will then ensue for which he is ignored I then try to distract. He is now getting better and being less destructive and taking heed once there is a warning. It's been hard work but hopefully we are getting there. Good luck x

[flippyfloppy]

Just reread your post, my DS also shouts stupid! And I should have said removing a toy is a consequence for hitting sister or any other behaviour it is not related to something with the toy. And like you I have really questioned what to do for the best, it is tiring and I often wonder where I have gone "wrong". I feel your pain and I hope you can find something effective and that the behaviour improves soon x

[Mechanoid]

You're not doing anything wrong, he's two and a little so and so and that's what they're like at that age - he will grow out of it.

Don't feel bad for feeling angry - he needs to learn that Mummy doesn't like it when he hurts his Sister. I wouldn't worry about letting his Sister slap him either once or twice...but that's up to you.

While he's being difficult, try going for walks, lots and lots of walks. Walk to your daughter's School (if she's at school), walk to the shops, walk to see friends, walk to playgroup, just walk. Gardens are great, but they're boring for Two Year Olds, they're always the same, but a walk along the street is exciting and interesting and always new and different.

Over time, explain to him that he can walk along to the next bus-stop on his own "So long as Mummy can trust you to Stop when she says Stop!" this helps sort out "Stop!" indoors too!

Try it and don't worry, they leave home eventually!

[Valsoldknickers]

Wowsers, you're bringing me back here! I can offer a few little hints based on my experience which I hope will help.

Firstly, I would ensure that when your DS hurts your DD she gets attention first (ie cuddles, check she's ok etc) before turning your attention to him. Some kids seek out your attention even if it is negative.

Just tell him the name calling is not nice once when it happens and if (when!) it persists just ignore him completely.

Always notice and praise good behaviour. Positive reinforcement from you can lead to better behaviour because he ultimately will want to please you.

Sometimes your DC's could be given little jobs to help you while you're cooking (cracking eggs into a bowl, putting toppings on pizza).

You are right about shouting. It doesn't help you or him. It reflects a loss of control on your part.

Maybe he is having a little reaction to the house move, not because it is negative but because it is a change and he doesn't know how to express himself properly yet. Also his age is playing a big part in this. They don't call it the "Terrible Two's and Troublesome Three's" for nothing.

Don't beat yourself up about it. Good luck!

[Honesttodog]

Tks so much for these replies.

Can I ask how you all feel about using the term naughty to a boy? It's obviously coming up more and more but I know there is a theory about kids living up to the label u give them... Don't want to make that mistake as well... Perhaps there is reason behind supernannny's endless repetition of "that is NOT acceptable behaviour"...

My son starts nursery at dad's school in sept, but only 9-12. Do you think doing afternoon activities each day as well is helpful for tiring him out or do you he think one on one time with a nanny or au pair is better? I mean planned activities like tumble tots, art clubs etc

Do you think a manny or male au pair might be good?

Not sure that Taking a toy away is a big enough consequence, but will have a go. Suspect he may lash out over having toy taken away. Any other thoughts about getting to the root of hitting?

[Valsoldknickers]

Hi Honest, labelling a behaviour is acceptable, eg, "That is naughty behaviour!", but telling him he is a naughty boy isn't the best way to go. It is a bit like namecalling which is hurtful and not constructive. Their feelings can be very fragile!

If he goes to nursery he will have organised activities there so to organise something for every afternoon as well might be overdoing it. The importance of free play and fresh air are not to be underestimated. Also a couple of minutes of your time (forget about the cooking for a few mintes) to engage in a chat or a quick story or game will really help.

I don't personally see the advantage of a male nanny.

Make no secret of the fact you do not approve of the hitting. Be firm but don't lose your temper or else you will be showing agressive behaviour as a reaction to agressive behaviour (which includes shouting). Remove him from the area and explain to him firmly that it is unkind to hit his DS and when he has cooled down make him apologise. React quickly and be consistent in addressing this.

Nursery will be great for him. At that age my DS' s needed outside stimulation and to learn much needed social skills.

It feels crap when you are in the thick of it but he will be grand. Be kind to yourself and your DC's! You will be able to embarass him with some of these stories when he is older! Ah, sweet revenge!

[Mechanoid]

Go for a walk! Really - it's that simple.

Go for a walk in the sun, in the rain, in the snow - go for a walk.

Nursery is great - but difficult to recreate at home - do walking, lots and lots of walking, it'll be good for you too!