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Parenting

Control Crying

15 replies

BooseysMom · 07/07/2014 17:04

Hi,
I have a dilemma where I was sort of persuaded to leave my DS crying instead of going to him straight away. I hated doing this and it was going against my instincts but was told it has to be done at some point. He is only 7.5 months. Is this too young?
I exclusively B/F and DS has erratic feeding esp if he is in a different place. I feed on demand, and DS will snack throughout the day and then have perhaps one or two big feeds. He wasn't happy at the time and so I let him cry for a bit and then picked him up and put him to the breast and he fed for a bit but then came off and so I put him in his pram. But then he immediately started crying so I walked him around for a bit but he wouldn't settle and I think he wanted more milk. The person (family member -need I say more!) said that he is angry and is used to being picked up all the time. Well, eventually the poor thing cried himself to sleep in the pram. Think it took about 10 mins so not long, but I hated every single second and wanted so much to pick him up but felt under pressure to leave him to cry it out. Don't think I have the heart to do it again. :(
Just wondered if anyone else has had similar experiences?
Thanks
xx

OP posts:

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Littlef00t · 07/07/2014 17:18

Not what you asked I know but itSounds like you're misreading tired cues as hungry?

Littlef00t · 07/07/2014 17:40

You're mum. Only you get to decide how you parent. If you don't have a problem responding quickly to your lo's needs, don't change.

Is there anything you have a problem with?

BertieBotts · 07/07/2014 17:46

I agree with Littlef00t. I don't think you can spoil a baby with love/cuddles. If you don't want to leave him crying, then don't :)

BooseysMom · 07/07/2014 18:00

Hi
Thanks for the replies. He usually falls asleep on the breast and as I was in a different place, he couldn't do it so I think that's why he got so upset. My fault for letting him fall asleep on me!! I can usually tell when he's tired as he will rub his eyes and it was around his morning nap time. He will fall asleep when walked in his pram but not when he's left in it like he was that time. I left him under a tree which will usually lull him to sleep but not this time. Probably won't do it again and will try to avoid similar things happening by not going out at certain times of the day. Things were much simpler when he was newborn and I could just stay in B/F'ing all day when no one was around!!

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BertieBotts · 07/07/2014 18:43

Oh, don't feel bad :) Lots of babies fall asleep on the breast and if that's working for you whyever not?? It's probably just a tricky phase. Don't worry that you've "caused" it in some way, he's too little for that.

BooseysMom · 08/07/2014 09:38

Thanks BertieBotts That has made me feel better about it all! :)

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AddictedtoGreys · 08/07/2014 21:43

hi booseys , just do whatever it is you want to do as mum. don't listen to other people if it's not what you want to do yourself. I have a DS who is 13 months, EBF until 8.5 months. I got told lots of things like not to pick him up every time he cries or he will always expect it, don't hold him too much or he will always cry when put down, leave him to cry when you want him to sleep and he will get the message. needless to say I ignored all of this "advice" and my DS is now a little terror that won't be cuddled, is quite independent and sleeps very well. so I would say to you to just do as you feel right, and don't feel pressured by anyone to do something you don't feel comfortable with.

Barbsta · 08/07/2014 22:00

I can imagine how hard it is to leave your baby crying but like others have said you should do what you think is best. My baby is only a couple weeks old but I pick her up every time she cries and the more I did this at first the longer she was happy to be left alone. I think it's because she learnt to trust that I wasn't going away and would be there when she needs me..... She's only a couple weeks old though so we will see how long it lasts lol

ALittleFaith · 08/07/2014 22:44

Oh the horror that your baby is used to being picked up when he cries! my Dad implied that DD was 'spoilt' at 4 months old because I picked her up when she cried. I also did (and continue at 15 months) a lot of baby wearing because she was happy there. My Dad got told in no uncertain terms that babies who are picked up ASAP when they cry become secure children because they trust that you will be there for them.

It sounds like you and your son are happy enough for now! It's normal for babies to fall asleep at the boob - it's warm, it feel safe and breast milk has stuff in it that encourages sleep!

We did CC at 6 months - not cry it out (which I think is horrible) where we left DD for a certain amount of time - 2 minutes then reassured her, 4 minutes, 8 minutes) and she learnt to settle without BF to sleep. I was going back to work and we had to break the feed to sleep habit. We did that at home when we had time and a familiar environment to do it in. Don't let someone (even family) question your judgement about your parenting. Sounds like you're doing just fine :)

JackieBrambles · 09/07/2014 09:48

I say go with your gut, if you don't want to leave your baby to cry and it feels wrong then don't do it!
My DS is nearly 17 months and we've never left him to cry. When I stopped breastfeeding (at just over a year) we did gradual withdrawal to help him fall asleep without feeding. He now sleeps through the night 9 times out of 10.
I don't agree that you'll have to leave him alone to cry eventually. I don't see why!

BooseysMom · 16/07/2014 21:00

Hi AddictedtoGreys
Thanks for your msg. Sorry for late reply. Our broadband was playing up.
Thanks for the reassurance

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BooseysMom · 16/07/2014 21:03

Hi Barbsta
Thanks for the msg.
Congrats on your LO! 2 weeks old! I remember that well. It was exhausting but so amazing at the same time. I was told to leave my LO to cry when he was only 5 weeks old and I ignored the people who said it and picked him up anyway so you are doing completely the right thing

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BooseysMom · 16/07/2014 21:06

Hi ALittleFaith
Thanks for the msg. I was also told the same thing and still continue to pick up my DD against all the words of so called wisdom from older members of the family. I believe that babies are more secure if they know you are there for them. I also believe like you that the cry it out method is cruel. I couldn't do it.
Thanks for the reassurance. It's so good to know there are kindred spirits out there on MN!!

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BooseysMom · 16/07/2014 21:17

Hi JackieBrambles
Thanks for your msg.
The method you used to get your DS to sleep without feeding sounds like it worked brilliantly! how long did it take you? Having just fed my DD to sleep (as I do every night) I will see if I can do gradual withdrawal from the breast at around 12 months as I want to carry on BF until then. I don't mind feeding to sleep every night to help him to settle but what is really exhausting is when he continues to wake every 1 - 2 hours to feed all night. He has done that from birth. I am so used to the broken sleep that I can't imagine anything different!

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Jakeyblueblue · 21/07/2014 09:49

My ds fell asleep on the breast until he was over 2 years of age. Plan to do the same with ds 2. It's The greatest parent tool ever! Why on earth people think it's a problem I've no idea. I would much rather him be asleep in seconds than have to revert to driving round, rocking, prams, controlled crying and other palavas!
Trust your own instincts - that's what boobs are for

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