I have just tipped my 3yo Dd1's supper over her head.

(956 Posts)
Orchardbeck Tue 29-Apr-14 19:53:35

Not one of my finest moments, I have to say. I'm certainly not proud of the fact. She refused to eat it so I calmly tipped it over her head, gravy, the lot.

Dd1 has been refusing to eat meals for some time, I know it is a control issue as we are having other problems (tantrums, ignoring etc etc). I also have Dd2 who is 9 months and eating well (same meals just mashed or chopped well). She just sits there and either makes cheeky comments or shouts over me. I am at the end of my tether.

I make meals that I know Dd1 loves - she was previously an adventurous eater but now just picks and takes hours to finish a meal, and only with coaxing and threats of no pudding etc.

Tonight was sausage casserole, made with home raised pork and vegetables out of the garden, so not only do I feel bad about doing this, it was particularly painful to see it go to waste like that (DH's face was a picture, but he backed me up whether he agreed with it or not , bless him).

She has now been showered and sent to bed with nothing more to eat. She is very eloquent for her age (3 1/4 yo) and has been from age 1, she used to be so well behaved and a joy to have around.

Obviously I was worried about her reaction to dd2, but she loves her to pieces. She just takes other people off to one side to get their full attention - it can be overwhelming for them sometimes.

I know she is rebelling because I have to dedicate attention to her younger sister, plus my OH is a farmer and works all hours so it's just me looking after them. She goes to pre school 2 mornings per week.

What can I do? Is it a phase? Have I crossed a massive line?

crazynanna Tue 29-Apr-14 19:56:32

I'm not quite sure what to say

TurnOverTheTv Tue 29-Apr-14 19:57:14

I'm not sure how to help, and I can see how you must be frustrated when it's come from the garden. But tipping it over her is just awful. How humiliating hmm

Fairylea Tue 29-Apr-14 19:57:47

You're making it a battle ground. You overstepped the mark totally but you know that.

Never ever make food a battle. If she won't eat within a reasonable time frame just take it away, no comment no fuss and if she is still hungry offer something plain like toast and ham or cheese and crackers. If you carry on like this you will end up creating massive issues with food.

I know it's frustrating when you've cooked a lovely meal but it's not worth losing your will to live over it. I think making a child sit there for ages and ages to eat something is quite cruel. Children won't starve themselves. They might not eat what we want them to eat but they won't let themselves go hungry for long.

NoIamAngelaHernandez Tue 29-Apr-14 19:58:46

Yes this was a mistake and you have crossed a line. Completely OTT and ridiculous reaction. She is 3. You are supposed to be the grown up.

Best approach is a variety of foods, small portions, take it or leave it. She will eat if she is hungry, as long as you don't make it into a massive deal.

Stay calm, stay passive. I would apologise to her and move on.

Coconutty Tue 29-Apr-14 19:58:58

Tbh, yes you've crossed the line but surely you know that, right?

miramar Tue 29-Apr-14 19:58:58

I believe it's called the threenager phase smile, I feel your pain. Definitely a control thing, which can be a reassurance thing, the only thing they can truly control is what enters and leaves their bodies, so issues with eating, pooing and peeing are common at this age.

Lagoonablue Tue 29-Apr-14 19:59:02

God.

My 3.5 yr old doesn't eat much tbh. It is very frustrating. I have thrown his dinner in the bin before.

mysteryfairy Tue 29-Apr-14 19:59:18

Yes I think you have crossed a massive line. You are lucky not to have scalded her.

That's an awful way to treat a three year old who is just fussing over food. I think it's quite chilling that you can't tell whether this is an acceptable way to behave or not. On most similar threads the parent is at least remorseful and desperate to make amends/improve their parenting.

Cereal0ffender Tue 29-Apr-14 19:59:26

I don't get the angst over food thing. She is so wee, it isn't a control thing. It is a child thing. It is infuriating to have a meal you have slaved over refused so maybe don't invest so much in the preparation.

Read a few parenting books about how to control your reactions, tipping food over a child's head is horrible

BobTheFly Tue 29-Apr-14 19:59:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Tue 29-Apr-14 19:59:52

hmm

Yes you bloody have crossed a line! Are you the adult here or not? Catch a grip of yourself. What on earth is she to think now? That it's ok to tip your/their dinner over someone if you arent happy with them?

Massive apologies needed

smokedgarlic Tue 29-Apr-14 20:00:17

Horrible ..but you know that already.

Catsmamma Tue 29-Apr-14 20:00:34

me either...i read, went away and came back

she is 3, you presumably are not. It's not hard to see where the child gets her dramatics from really

Do not make a battlefield out of the dinnertable it never ends well.

I think you have behaved extremely badly and feel quite sad for your three year old right now.

MrsMaturin Tue 29-Apr-14 20:00:47

So what you're saying is you poured hot food over your child's head then sent her to bed possibly hungry? And now you want to know IF you've crossed a line?

Errrm yes you have.

Ok - well tomorrow is a fresh start and you can't ever, ever do that again. Do you understand that?

She is not rebelling because of dd2 or anything else. She's being a 3 yr old. It's a pita state. Ignore bad behaviour unless dangerous, reward good behaviour enthusiastically.

Do not allow food to be an issue - don't rise to it. Put food in front of her, encourage her to try it using praise and rewards and when she tries even a little go to town on that. Then ignore any refusals.

celticghurl Tue 29-Apr-14 20:01:17

Absolutely disgusting op. This is humiliating to your child. There has been a report last week that new legislation is being passed aimed at parents enforcing humiliating punishments.

ginmakesitallok Tue 29-Apr-14 20:01:31

Your poor daughter. You should be totally ashamed.

Ohbyethen Tue 29-Apr-14 20:01:40

Um.
She's 3 and a quarter?

Do you feel like some help would be beneficial? Even just more mornings at nursery. Because you say you're having other issues as well as food and you tipped a meal over your toddler and then punished her for your awful behaviour by sending her to bed with no dinner.
3 is a hard age but you've overstepped the mark there.
So, what do you think you can change? What might help?

LettertoHermioneGranger Tue 29-Apr-14 20:01:50

Is this real? OP you realize that is horrible behavior to model for your child.

A good rule is to not treat your child in a manner in which you would want to be treated. Imagine if you were a dinner guest, could not bring yourself to eat the food served, and the host tipped it over your head. You'd find it cruel and humiliating and cut contact, would you not? At best your child will think this is acceptable behavior to emulate. I suggest you apologize to your daughter for losing your temper and explain that was not a good thing to do. I would also examine how you're handling things, you do not sound like you are coping well right now.

Busymumto3dc Tue 29-Apr-14 20:02:08

This is awful tbh

One of my dc has recently become a nightmare with food and the thought of id like to tip it over his head has entered my mind

But to actually do it?

I think you went well too far

celticghurl Tue 29-Apr-14 20:02:28

Absolutely disgusting op. This is humiliating to your child. There has been a report last week that new legislation is being passed aimed at parents enforcing humiliating punishments.

morethanpotatoprints Tue 29-Apr-14 20:02:32

I think you realise it wasn't your greatest moment and we all do things we regret.
However, you must let everyone knows who deals with her otherwise when she copies you she may be in trouble.
What will you do when she throws bits of food you have left, over you?

miramar Tue 29-Apr-14 20:02:49

I think the OP is getting a rough time, she didn't suggest that this would be her new approach to mealtime stress. It is incredibly frustrating when your previously-complaint child now takes two hours or so to eat any meal. The advice to remove food after a reasonable time it'd fine if you're at home all day but otherwise, ad son add shoes go on the child starts crying about being hungry. It's not a simple issue.

piscivorous Tue 29-Apr-14 20:02:56

We all lose our tempers and do the wrong thing here and there, parenting is not easy.

Make tomorrow a new start, don't let food become a battleground. Offer her nice stuff but, if she won't eat it, just take it away and leave her be. She won't starve

StackALee Tue 29-Apr-14 20:03:09

Yes, you have crossed a MASSIVE line.

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