Baby cries at his dad :(

(14 Posts)
C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 20:04:39

My baby is 8 weeks old tomorrow, for some reason when my dh holds our son he gets upset, my dh tries to settle him but it doesn't work so he passes him back to me and he settles straight away. My dh says what's the point in holding him he just cries I try to suggest ways to settle him but my dh takes it the wrong way as if I'm criticising but I'm really not. I don't no what to do for the best .
He has been suffering with colic for the past 6 weeks and is just starting to get a bit better I think he is clingy to me because he is with me 24/7 to the point we have been co sleeping because he has been suffering so bad.
I don't want my dh to resent him sad

TheGreatHunt Wed 22-Jan-14 20:08:42

Your DH is a grown man. If he resents a baby then that's a bit sad - and your DH needs to take a long hard look at himself.

Maybe he doesn't settle because he can sense your DH is tense? Try getting him in a sling (your DH carries baby) and he goes for a walk with him?

To be honest though most 8 week old babies will not settle for many others except mum.

C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 20:16:22

I'm not saying he does or will resent him I just know how much he wants to be hands on but I think he finds it hard.

TheGreatHunt Wed 22-Jan-14 20:25:39

I think taking the baby for walks in a sling is a good start? But times like bedtime and nights are quite challenging as baby really wants mum.

C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 20:33:16

Yer could be an idea.
He's defo a mummy's boy! Which is nice for me x

DirtyDancing Wed 22-Jan-14 21:43:12

The same thing is just starting with my 4 week old. Classic tonight, I handed him to Dad to burp and wind after his feed and he kicked off straight away. Back to me & he fell asleep on my shoulder almost instantly!

I don't know the answer but my DH is going to do bath time & change him for bed, have a cuddle before work & also when i introduce a bottle do the 10pm feed. I also think it's to do with smell, us mums smell all lovely and of milk! Dad smells of aftershave! So he's going to do some skin to skin at the weekend after his shower & do playtime at the weekends too x

C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 22:09:09

It must be heart braking for them, if hate it if he done it to me but I don't think men think the same as women about things.
I did suggest to him earlier he should bath him from tomorrow as he had already had his earlier, because he loves a bath so he should be happy.
I think it's hard for dads when u breast feed because u have obviously got that intimate time with your baby which they can't have, I am beginning to express some bottles so soon he will be able to help with the feeds, but I say, he's with me all day when dads at work, I'm the one who gets up in the night so it's just building that bond with him when he does see him isn't it, it probably doesn't help he has just come back from working away for a week x

TheGreatHunt Wed 22-Jan-14 22:10:44

Honestly there's plenty of time for bonding. Your DH looks after you, you look after baby. As both of mine got older there was plenty of scope for DH to take over. Now he does bedtimes, takes them out etc etc etc.

C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 22:14:00

My dh has an older son who he wasn't around for much when he was a tiny baby (now and for the past 8 years he has lived with us) but as a newborn wasn't there all the time so he wanted to make an extra special effort with our baby which is why he's struggling I think x

bevbennett100 Wed 22-Jan-14 22:19:42

It's not too surprising that your baby settles better with you - he's more familiar with you. Thats really hard on dad's though.

You want to make sure that your baby gets some dad time though - so they can build a bond, and so that you can get a much needed break from time to time.

I found it easiest to be out of the way when my husband was settling our baby, otherwise I found it too difficult not to 'take over'. My husband used to take our baby a walk in the sling or pram, and when he was a little older always did bath time.

Our baby is now 9 months and him and his dad are really close, but even so if he's tired or poorly does still settle better with me, but then I am a full time mum whereas his dad works full time.

C4ALR Wed 22-Jan-14 22:37:14

See that's probably a down fall of mine, if dad has him and he starts crying, after a few minutes my natural instinct is to say 'do u want me to have him' because I can't handle him crying it breaks my heart. I think I need to take that step back aswel as dad needs to take a step forward, at the moment I can't even have a bath unless he's asleep because he just cries then I start panicking and just want to get out as quick as I can x

Bedsheets4knickers Wed 22-Jan-14 22:47:01

My daughter did this from about 6-14 weeks. More in the night,it's
fine. 14 months she's a total daddy's girl I don't get a look in x

C4ALR Thu 23-Jan-14 01:19:19

I think dads need to be more patient don't they, as long as this sounds normal, I just never thought before when I was pregnant how dh would feel and things you just take for granted everything will slip into place straight away.

Eletheomel Thu 23-Jan-14 11:11:53

This is a phase that will pass as your baby grows up, the key thing is to make sure you DH continues to feel involved in his life. As pp have suggest I'd try and get your DH involved in other things (like bathtime) that your baby enjoys. My DH has bathed DS2 from day one (I've only bathed him once). We've never done baby baths so DH runs a big bath and I pass him the baby and that's them in the bath together - DS2 is 7.5 months now and still loves baths with his daddy (as does DH).

I had a different problem with DS1, he started smiling at his daddy when he was about 8 weeks old but refused to smile at me! He woudl give big grins to DH when he got in from work and then just stare at me... (I was gutted as I was spending all day with him and felt I deserved his first smiles lol!) Anyway, a couple of weeks later I was getting the big grins too, but just wanted to let you know that sometimes babies go through phaess of preferring daddies for things too (even when mummy is at home all day and bfeeding on demand :-D

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