Telling an Ex about pregnancy with new paryner.

(5 Posts)
deakymom Sat 07-Sep-13 22:47:53

whatever you do don't let her tell him it will be awful tell her you will tell him however if he asks her directly she should answer truthfully if he moans about it tell him you didn't think it was his business as it will not impact on his visitation be as brisk and emotionless as possible x

congratulations by the way x

Alanna1 Thu 05-Sep-13 20:40:23

Oh dear. Tell your daughter and let her be part of it. Ask her if she wants you to tell your ex now, or in a bit, and say what you think. Then do what she wants.

magicstars Thu 05-Sep-13 07:28:19

Hmmm tricky. Congratulations btw thanks
It's totally understandable that you want your daughter to share in your joy following the scan. Could you have a frank chat with her, explain that her dad might find the news difficult & you are considering when I'd the best time to tell him? I think it would be better coming from you though than leaving it to dd to tell him. just keep it brief & matter of fact when you do speak. It might help her feel more part of the process if you are honest with her (at an appropriate level) re: telling your ex.

pinkbear82 Thu 05-Sep-13 07:24:59

I'd tell your dd, let her enjoy the moment and then at some point talk to her and say you fully expect her dad not to be overly happy etc but that his feelings shouldn't affect her and reassure her.

we had similar trouble with my dp ex and his girls with her. we told her first she was 'fine' then when we told the girls and then went back excited she had a rant stopped dp seeing them for a while and told the girls it would change everything, that daddy wouldn't live them the same etc etc.
we just reassured the girls, and encourage them to be positive and remind them we love them too etc.
not easy but you'll find a way

Solan Thu 05-Sep-13 07:06:32

I have a bitter ex husband. Doesnt communicate with me about our daughter, he sees her regularly, but he is so caught up in his bitterness that she has to do a lot of accommodating of his feelings and she is only 10. She is not allowed discuss her life with me or my new partner. He often makes decisions thst cut off her nose to spite my face, if you know what I mean. She does not show any emotion around him because she is so afraid she hurts him. Thing is Im 11 weeks pregnant with my new partner. Havent told my younger daughter yet and in a quandry as to whether to tell ex the news myself or not when I tell my daughter. I feel he never communicates with me for any reason even when the safety of the girls is an issue. Telling him the news wont mean he will help my daughter deal with the news but is more likely to be negative. So, should I bother telling him? I want to tell my daughter next week after scan. Do I let her enjoy the news to herself or would it be placing tbe burden of keeping a secret on her shoulders? My new partner who is a very considerate person and totally diplomatic when it comes to the dynamics of our situation feels we shouldnt tell him.My only reason is for sake of daughter but he is not likely to make it an easy situation for her. I do feel it is news she is going to be happy and excited about. I have had mixed react ions from friends as to whay I should do. I just want to chill and enjoy being pregnant without conflict or biterness being directed my way. Advice?

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