Just after some advice please, I will try and keep it short while getting all relevant info down.
DD is 9.5, her Father has never had anything to do with her - never met her and for a good few years denied she was his.
Over the years, anticipating that one day she would be a teenager looking for answers, I have written and emailed him with updates and pictures and asking him to reconsider getting to know her (not for me, I would be so happy for him to never have anything to do with her but this isn't about me).
I've been open with DD, age appropriate answers as she's grown up and been careful never to be nasty about him, while also making it clear that he is in the wrong (for want of a better phrase after a long day) and hoping she wouldn't hero worship him.
I had a baby earlier this year. Seeing him with his dad has obviously brought this to the forefront of DD's mind and the questions are thick and fast, she wants me to get in touch and thinks he will want to get to know her.
What she doesn't know is that 2 years ago he finally replied to me (after 7 years and several letters). The letter has been written assuming she will read it and is kind (from her pov) and apologetic, but it is a rejection none-the-less, he has nothing to offer her and would rather give her all than nothing but isn't able to.
So, I've just emailed him with an update and some pictures, asking him to reconsider as she's asking questions that I can't answer (it sticks in my throat, it makes me desperately sad, but again this isn't about me)
If he replies it will be to say 'no', I can pretty much guarantee that - but 2 years have passed and there is a slim chance he may be in a better place now.
So, my question is. If he replies and if it's negative, how do I let DD down gently? I don't want to give her false hope, I want her to know I've been in touch with him.
If she was older I would show her the messages/letters (which has been my intention all along, once she was 16+) but she's 9 and pining for a person who doesn't exist - she has romanticised him and I do understand why.
My heart breaks for her but I just don't know how to handle this for the best, when she was younger it was easier to give her fluffy replies but now she has more questions and I don't want to damage her by doing wrong by her.
What is my next step? How do I let her down gently?
Thanks
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Absent parent, DD wants to meet him, he's said no..
22 replies
TooTabooToBoo · 03/09/2013 22:11
OP posts:
NatashaBee ·
04/09/2013 10:43
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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