Help.....DC argue ALL the time!!!!

[surfingbabies]

Hello ladies......please help, I really need some sound advice.....
we have a 12yr old DD & 9yr old twins DD/DS. All they do is argue, tell tales, don't do as asked, back chat, wind each other up......what do we do to stop it? Right now I am hating life and I dread everyday! Meal times are my DP telling them off.....elbows off the table, eat with mouth closed, don't talk with food in mouth, stop talking cos u not eating......on & on, it drives me mad then DP starts shouting as all he's doin is telling everyone off & he's had a hard day at work! I do understand that but I just tell them as I go like a little reminder but I do tell them off for things I think matter......we have just moved and our neighbour sits right next to our fence and all she can hear is us telling our DC off, she brought me some flowers round over the weekend and in chatting she slipped in that she used to be a health visitor then as we said buy she suggested Sunday school for them all
In public they are perfect, good reports, my parents say they are exceptional and we should be proud as do our friends.....when we are at friends & their DC are being naughty our DC look gobsmacked so they do know right from wrong......its just at home? Any ideas???

[HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm]

My 2 are little so can't speak from a mums perspective but I am 1 of 3 siblings and we were like this. Always complimented out of the house but all out warfare in it!

My DS is only 3 but he's already doing the same and tbh I'd rather that than deal with bad behaviour in public.

What I'd have liked my parents to do is have family meetings to draw up agreed rules and consequences. If id been involved id definately have taken more notice. I still remember being shouted at and not listened to. We also responded well to financial incentive, so set amount of pocket money with could be increased by doing jobs around the house and reduced for unacceptable behaviours as agreed.

I like the how to talk book and I believe the teen one is supposed to be good.

Also, maybe 1 night a week the could have pizza in another room and you could have an undisturbed dinner? Treat for them, peace for you!

[surfingbabies]

Thanks for your reply, we going to give it a go........cores, good behaviour = £'s