Stopping being overprotective

(7 Posts)
autumnalface Fri 12-Jul-13 22:50:36

I am conscious that words I overuse in parenting are No and Be Careful. I have smallish DCs - 5 and 2 - and so of course there are lots of things where that's appropriate (crossing road etc). But I am very aware that I'm overprotective and say those words too much when I don't need to - DP has picked me up on this and a mum of DC1 friend I think looks at me disapprovingly.
Conscious that I am repeating patterns of my own parenting; hate the idea of turning my DCs into children who won't take risks, feel a complete idiot ( in particular in front of the mum) but then I catch myself saying Be Careful...again
How can I stop myself? Anyone else got over this? sad

Can you focus on the positive... i don;t mean like ignoring behavior I mean like this:

Child goes near road. instead of 'no, be careful' say "Stand back from the cars, do you remember how well you stood by the road last week" etc

I typed more examples but lost them and am too hot to type...

We spent along time in teacher training being coached in reinforceing postive behaviour and we try this at home. Telling DD what she should dpo rather than telling her what not to. Our trainer also sad that the brain responds better to commands "hold that gently' rather than negatives "don;t pull that'

Gosh, hope that makes sense. Please tell em how to get my daugthter to sleep before 10.30.....

Also, balls to those who think you are doing anything but loving the kids smile

autumnalface Sun 14-Jul-13 19:41:27

mumblecrumble thanks for that - I'll really try that. Really helpful (and thanks for the support!)

GloryGloryDe Mon 15-Jul-13 16:33:34

Don't worry about disapproving looks from anyone! You could be doing much worse as far as parenting goes. I hear your concern, and you're coming from a really good place that you acknowledge that you might be a big overprotective. I think maybe just take a step back and try to separate what situations definitely need that caution and which ones you can take a breath and let it go.

mumblecrumble that is excellent advice to use commands rather than negative 'demands' almost.

exexpat Mon 15-Jul-13 16:38:55

It's good that you're aware of it. My sister is (IMO) very overprotective, and almost every other word to her DD is 'be careful' etc. I have noticed that her DD now basically ignores her and carries on regardless, which is the other possible result of that kind of parenting, apart from producing anxious children.

Could you try and remind yourself that the more often you tell your DCs to be careful, the more likely they are to tune you out completely - so try to save the warnings for when it's really important?

autumnalface Tue 16-Jul-13 20:59:54

Yes, I am really trying to bite my tongue as am conscious that DC1 is cautious child (which I am ashamed is probably due to me) while DC2 on other hand is soooooo likely to just tune everything out once gets a bit older.
I've been really trying this week even if it does sound a bit forced at times blush - still rome not built in a day...

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