Can I stop MY mother seeing my Son

[dianerigby]

My mother and I have recently fell out since I told her she couldn't stay with me after my son was born.
She is claiming that my partner is abusive, which he is not, and also that I am stopping her from seeing my son - which I have not. I have said any of my family can come see him, all I ask is prior notice, so I can make sure I'm free. However she keeps saying that I live too far and she's not paying it. She is also trying to manipulate me into doing things her way, and will not agree to what I suggest. All I'm trying to do is do whats best for my son.

However now she is threatening to go to solicitors and try to see him through a contact center, which I don't think is possible. However I do not put it past her so tell lies, to get herself in a better situation. I have also just found out that her ex is now threatening me, and the police are involved. As even though I live miles away I am being blamed for them braking up.

Can I actually stop her from seeing him? As I'm fed up of her and its obviously she does not care about whats best for him, only for herself.

I know this probably doesn't make all that much sense, and I apologies, if it doesn't. She has just wound me up so much!

[WestieMamma]

Yes you can stop her seeing him. In some circumstances grandparents can be given contact through the courts but only in exceptional circumstances ie where they have been massively involved with the child for a long time and stopping contact will be detrimental to that child.

[karmakameleon]

Yes, you can stop her seeing him and it is very unlikely that a court would give her contact.

We are going through something very similar with my mother and the advice we have received from our solicitors is that we do not need to agree to her seeing DS at all.

I would suggest that you keep a diary of all the threats and intimidation and keep any texts, emails etc, make notes of any phone calls or other conversations so that if she does apply for contact you have all the evidence of why you have taken the decision to not have her in your lives.

[ImNotBloody14]

she can get a court order and if she has had regular contact up til this point then she will most likely be granted the order. if however she has threatened you or him or been violent then it's less likely (but I have little faith in the court system looking after the interests of the child tbh)

[ImNotBloody14]

btw she's being a bit short sighted. if she says she wont pay to travel to visit your son what does she think will happen if she gets granted contact? they wont deliver him to her every week. she'll still have to transport herself to see him. and they wont give her a contact centre unless you are refusing to agree to her being in your house or her having him at hers.

[dianerigby]

Thank you all for your help! She hasn't had regular contact at all as she has only seen him twice since he was born in March, and not since he was two weeks old. I shall start keeping track of what is said.

ImNotBloody14 - I know she's being short sighted. She wants everything her way and expects me to travel with my son which I would agree with if I could drive but I don't.

[ImTooHecsyForYourParty]

Tell her to go ahead.

It's really unlikely she'd get it and even if she did, she'd have to come to him.

she's just trying to intimidate you and bully you into doing as you're told.

I suggest saying mum, do what you like.

[karmakameleon]

Even if she does get a court to grant her contact (unlikely), they won't make you take him to her.

This does sound like she's just using the threat of court action to make you do what she wants. My mother is doing similar but I think it's working against her. I think she knows that she is unlikely to get what she wants through the courts but was hoping that the stress would lead us to doing what she wants. Instead, the whole court process is so drawn out we've had a good long break from her and her antics, while she tries to present a reasonable face to the court, and will probably not have any contact with her at all when it's all over.

Hope it works out well for you.

[DontmindifIdo]

refuse all contact with her, you don't need this. Grandparents don't automatically have rights to access their DGC in this country, if she had been a major carer of your DS for an extended period then she might get access, but even then it's not certain. As your DS is only a few months old and shes not had sole care of him at any point, and only seen him twice, she's got no hope, any decent solicitor would tell her not to bother.

However the threats and intimedation are serious, keep a log, anything on a text or email, keep. You can go to the police over those.

You can just cut your family out if you want to, it doesn't sound like she'd be adding value to your DS's life anyway.

[ImNotBloody14]

I agree- this is just bullying to get you to do what she wants.

and no- if she has only seen him twice and not since he was two weeks then she hasn't a hope in hell.

I would ignore her requests to come to her. if she wants to visit him at yours I would allow it tbh but record every text, phonecall voicemail etc. if she does take it to solicitors I would again, allow contact at your home (he's still very young!) so as to prove it isn't contact you oppose but just that you cannot travel with him (expensive for you aswell as her but it's her that wants the contact so she should fork out for it)

[dianerigby]

Thank you for your advice. I shall start keeping a record of everything that has gone on.
She's apparently coming to see him tomorrow. I've told her strict rules, but I doubt she will listen. If she doesn't then that will be the forcing blow to stopping her from seeing him.
Dontmindifido is correct that she adds no value to our life as I have had very little contact with her since I left for Uni, which to be honest I think is the main cause for the brake down in our relationship as she likes to try and control my siblings and I. I think it's just made worst by the fact I wont let her control me or the way I am raising my son