Hi everyone, I'm a mum of two lovely children aged 2 and a half and 3 months. I absolutely adore them and enjoy a good relationship with them. I want this to always be the case as I have a difficult relationship with my own mother and don't see her as a good role model to follow in my own parenting.
So, all of you out there who have a great relationship with your mum, or see your mum as your role model, I want to know: what is it about your mum that makes her your best friend? Inspire me!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
Is your mum your best friend?
20 replies
caso · 10/04/2013 23:07
OP posts:
WouldBeHarrietVane ·
10/04/2013 23:08
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
balancingfigure ·
10/04/2013 23:16
My mum isn't my best friend & we're not that close but she hasn't treated me badly - we just don't see things the same way. We were close when I was kid though.
So I guess I'm saying do your best with your kids (obviously 
) but you can't guarantee you will retain that closeness.
Doodledumdums ·
11/04/2013 00:22
My mum is definitely my best friend. I don't think that parents have to just be parents, my mum is the best friend and best mum I could possibly ask for. She knows me inside out and I know I can speak to her about anything without fear of judgement or disappointment. We did go through a bit of a rocky patch when I was about 13-15 as I was a horrid teenager, but she handled it brilliantly. I am pretty sure that my little brother feels the same way that I do, and they are exceptionally close. He is 22 now, and still cuddles her and puts his feet/head on her lap if they are sitting together on the sofa! If I am even half the mum that my mum is, then my DS will be a very lucky boy! 
SirBoobAlot ·
11/04/2013 00:44
No. We get on a lot better now than we did a few years ago, but we're certainly not 'best' friends. There are other people I would call before her, and I confide more in my friends than I do in her, but we are friends. We go out (when money is okay) for lunch or a drink, can have a giggle together, and have a similar sense of humor. So we are friends.
DS regularly tells me that I'm his best friend, which I think is absolutely precious.
Do think you can be friends as well as a parent. Maybe not between the ages of 10 and 16 though 
ImTooHecsyForYourParty ·
11/04/2013 10:09
God no.
Your mum isn't supposed to be your best friend. She's supposed to be your mum!
That means that sometimes, you're going to hate her but when you're an adult, you'll (hopefully) appreciate her. (assuming she wasn't a totally rubbish or toxic parent!)
You can't be a parent and a 'best bud'. It doesn't work like that and you shouldn't want it to.
Kids have lots of pals. They need a mother from their, erm, mother.
caso ·
11/04/2013 20:58
Thanks for your contributions everyone :). This is my first post and I guess I've learnt that I need to be more selective about the terminology i use. I don't think that the term 'best friends' accurately conveys the sort of relationship I'm thinking of. As some of you have suggested I'm thinking more of a close relationship than of a 'best friend' relationship to the exclusion of my kids having friends their own age. I'm not looking to shirk parenting responsibilities or shy away from disciplining my children when necessary and i'm sure there will be times during the teenage years that i'll be happy with merely being on speaking terms with them, lol. (Sirboobalot I like your sense of humour here ). I'd like my children to have a circle of friends or 'best friend' their own age as they grow up. I guess what I'm trying to say is that in addition to all that I want them to know that they can always come to me with any problem they might have and be open with me.
On reflection, the question I want to ask is: " what qualities in a mum facilitate a great mother- child relationship in the long term?"
I thought that asking people who consider their mum to be their best friend would be a good place to start since they would obviously have a close relationship with their mother.
Wouldbeharrietvane - I think you've made an important point about parents accepting their children for who they are. It's pretty difficult to be close to someone who doesn't accept you for who you are.
Doodledumdums- lucky you, you sound like you have a great relationship with your mum :) I think you've made an insightful point re: fear of judgement and disappointment. I definately think that fear of being judged or of causing disappointment can build barriers to your children wanting to confide in you.
Emmyloo2- why do you think you are incredibly close to your mum? What is it about her that makes it easier for you to be close to her?
Ballroom blitz and scarred pierced- I think you've both made a very interesting point about your mum not being a friend but a parent growing up, and only now that you're an adult yourself do you see her as a friend as well as a parent. I guess that I too want my children to see me more as a parent whilst they are still young, but I'm hoping that if I do a good enough job of parenting they'll come to think of me as a friend (i.e someone they choose to be around just for the pleasure of my company) as well as a parent (someone to turn to for support and guidance) as they mature and have families of their own.
In my opinion a good parent possesses many of the same qualities you'd look for in a good friend; I.e. trustworthiness, supportive, understanding, someone who has your best interests at heart and cares about you. I guess the major distinction is that parents have a responsibility to their child that friends don't. I suppose to a certain extent I've answered my own question here..... but I'd still like to hear your views about how a parent can foster a great relationship with their kids over the longer term. Balancingfigure- you're right; when all is said and done you can't force your kids to be close to you, but I do believe that with mindful parenting you can avoid putting up barriers to them being close to you.
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.