Newborns, Bfing, Toddlers and Tantrums

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

A carry on from the Pregnant and Overdue - 37/38 weeks thread in Pregnancy.

For those of us who have finally met our bundles of joy!

Come here to share birth stories, newborn issues, feeding, tips on how to deal with toddler siblings, or just general gripes and chit chat.

DS was born on Saturday and just sleeps and eats. I have a 2.5 yo DD who is being a bit of a monkey (understandably) with the new addition.

DS looks like he has a posterior tongue tie which is making latching incredibly painful. Have sent DH out for nipple shields - anyone used these?

[DeathMetalMum]

Oh, congratulations SayCool! and anyone else of the thread I have missed, I kind of got lost on the original thread got a little busy with breastfeeding and the toddler!

Read this thread title and thought I have plenty of toddler tantrums to add! Dd2 is nearly 3 weeks dd1 seems to have settled a little now.

Not used nipple shields sorry. I had creacked nipples for around a week this time but cleared up with some lanishol(sp sorry) and putting breast milk on my nipples.

[Dirtymistress]

Hey ladies. No breast feeding here (not physically possible for me) but lots of tantrums from ds1! Think he is struggling with having to share me. Can we post when we had them/how much they weighed etc? Dirtybaby was 10/03/13. 7.7lb. Sneeze birth. Dirtytoddler is 17 months.

[DeathMetalMum]

Okay - Dc2 was 13/03/13 8.13lb sneeze birth compared to dc1 but dificulties with placenta. Dc1 is 2.1.

[Dirtymistress]

Have you had much help deathmetal? It's just me and dp, no family anywhere near. He is as work today. Have managed to get out to park for a play with baby in sling which was fine until toddler had mega strop and I had to carry him home under one arm whilst he kicked his legs and tried to batter his brother about the head. Wonder if it will get easier, or if he will stop being so cross...

[DeathMetalMum]

I have been quite lucky really dp took 3 weeks off for paternity leave (well one week annual leave) and we have had a lot of family around, lots of cousins as well to keep dd occupied, been to softplay also. I have also managed to get out to a group for dd1. Dd2 pretty much just sleeps and feeds at the moment which is making things easier.

I have found dd1 is hell worse when she is tired so I am trying to do activities like pladough, baking, painting that keep her occupied but don't wear her out too much.

Do you have a double pushchair? I don't think I would manage without it so far even for short journeys. Knowing I can just strap dd1 in is great. Also means getting out doesn't cause her to be too tired.

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

DC2 was 30/03/13 - 6lb 13oz. Way more painful and longer labour but out in 3 pushes! Much better recovery as well.

Wow good on you Dirtymistress getting out of the house on your own. I am very very lucky in that DH has 2 weeks paternity leave and 2 weeks holiday, plus we have parents nearby. Spoilt really! Happy to share family, Dirty! you can have my mum...

[Szeli]

Hey girlies. Finally ventured back on here after a week.

Baby B was (eventually) born 22.58 25/03/13 9lb7 47 hours after my waters went.

Had 4 bags of induction fluid; kept being told "2 more hours and if he's not born we'll have to take you to theatre" for around 10 hours - which made pain management pretty tricky.

I had 5 lots of diamorphine and 2 epidurals (they took 4 attempts at each and massacred my back).

Felt like a sideshow at the circus with 10s of male students stomping in with no notice giggling with their clipboards saying "we've never known a labour progress like this before" whilst I'm stood there practically naked, off my face, shaking and peeing myself because no one would let me get to the bathroom.

Taken for an emergency c section around 9pm then taken out of theatre because someone else needed the surgeons more and shoved in a side room whilst my epidural wore off (they did offer me more gas and air which wasn't really having much effect by then).

The surgical team then got baby b out in 5 minutes; (after the other half had apparently walked into the wrong side of theatre and seen half if me on the floor) and it took just over an hour and a half to stitch me up whilst my blood pressure dropped right down, I went black and ended up on oxygen.

Got to recovery, then my room, numb from the boobies down on my own unable to do anything for my son, having to buzz and hope someone arrives everytime you/he needs something made me feel pretty worthless as a mother.

They then moved me onto a ward the next day against all the advice if the mental health team which resulted in me having panic attacks so they moved me back, then had another 3 days in hospital with the most inconsistent care; frustrated I couldn't lift my son up, then got home Thursday night.

Now I'm home I find myself crying a lot, he likes his daddy far more than me but probably because his daddy can cuddle him more. Some of my stitches came out Saturday which I thought would help but then I got engorgment due to me having to now bottle feed due to Nottingham being able to hold B man long enough to establish breast feeding.

Sorry for the lengthy post; the birth and aftermath were fairy traumatic; I did go in with an open mind but I could never imagine half the stuff ever happening; I think I'm most upset about the lack of dignity and the lack of bonding.

Hopefully things will buck up soon; was just hoping for a straightforward birth as I was high risk anyway due to manic depression; least I've got a mental health team around me. Shame tho that I'd like my mum to visit ATM but it stresses my OH out as he feels pushed out. I just want to be pain freeeeeee and then me and baby b can do stuff; I actually think less than 1% of the last week or so has gone to plan!

I'm such a whinger, sorry guys :/ I do have a beautiful little boy to show for it xxxx

[Szeli]

I hope that makes sense with the 'interesting' autocorrect substitutions x

[LuckyOwl28]

Congratulations to you all! Hopefully I'll be joining you on here with my story soon!

39 weeks today!

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Oh Szeli That really sounds very traumatic for you, I'm so sorry you had to go through it. I hope getting it all down was helpful, and helped you to think through it and work through it.

It sounds like you didn't have much midwifery support? Just a parade of unhelpful students and crappy doctors. I have read that sometimes you can request to go through your labour notes with a midwife and they can explain each stage and why certain things happened or didn't happen. Do you think that would help you? It really sounds like they didn't know what they were doing.

Please try not to feel bad - your new little man loves you more than anything. You're his mummy and as long as you're close to him that's all he cares about. Try not to stress too much about bfing as well - it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself. There is no right or wrong way, and no one here is going to judge you on whatever you do.

Sending you big in-MNy hugs

[Dirtymistress]

Urgh szeli. That all sounds utterly horrific, you poor thing. Try to be nice to yourself, your baby doesn't prefer anyone to you you have had a rough time of it and women's emotions are all over the place after giving birth. X

[Szeli]

Cheers ladies; I just feel like I utterly suck at being a mum and if my body had worked like it was supposed to we wouldn't be in this mess but hey ho.

Some of the midwives were fabulous, some needed launching out of a window - I think a couple were genuinely scared of me. If I could pick my midwives in a future pregnancy I reckon I'd be ok but that wouldn't happen! I did feel sorry for them too as during the birth they seemed so confused by the situation afterwards tho the night team were brill but the majority of the day team were nigh in useless. Doctors kept saying I needed meds strictly at 4 hourly intervals and instead I was usually buzzing 2 or 3 times well after the 4 hour mark to get anything. Pretty disappointed. It was a bit 'too many cooks' really.

xx

[Szeli]

saycool don't know about labour notes. May have a word with my doc and see about it. Perhaps it would help.

One of the community midwives suggested I put in a complaint about the army of student observations when I couldn't even speak to consent

[TheCountessOlenska]

Hello ladies - I wasn't on your original thread sorry . . .but had DC2 three weeks ago today (blimey that's gone quick!) and have a 3 year old who has been quite um challenging so this thread title caught my eye

Breastfeeding this one has been HARD WORK with DD1 wanting me to do something for her every minute (I know it's because she's feeling insecure poor thing but still driving me mad) - DS cluster feeding like a demon!

Congratulations to all new arrivals!

Szeli God you poor thing, that sounds grim - hope you've got lots of support around you. Ask for help if struggling, don't try and be a hero, newborns v v hard especially if you've had a hard time with the birth. I sneezed this one out and I've still cried every day for 2 weeks!!

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Hi Countess, I've 'seen you around' Welcome!

Congrats on your new DC. Yes, bfing is just not as fun as they make it out to be. My nipples are excruciating when the baby first latches on. However my milk had come in today and that has made it a bit easier - he's not having to suck quite so hard.

So how's your 3 yo dealing with the new arrival? We're trying to keep DD as involved as we can, and trying to keep both needs a high priority. But it's only day 2.....

Szeli a complaint might be worth it if you feel strong enough. Especially about all the students etc traipsing in and out - I think I would have killed one of them! Hope you're getting some good after care at least - take all the help you can get!

[TheCountessOlenska]

Hi SayCool, seen you around too

Yeah my nipples were a mess for first week at least - was gutted as assumed it would be easy this time around! - had latch looked at, all fine, just had to make really sure he was on right, and if it hurt at all take him off and try again to ensure latch correct. Not used nipple shields but my friend has just done very successfully and not needing to use at all now (3 months in)

3 year old has been up and down. Actually settled down a bit since DH gone back to work and we're more back in our usual routine. She's been very sweet with the baby but very demanding of me, very clingy. Bless her, it is hard for them!

Congrats on your new DS - same as me, girl then boy

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

So what are our thoughts on waking to feed?

DS was asleep and I've just roused him for a feed, but wondering if I should have let him sleep..... If he was a bit older I definitely would but at 2 days old I'm just not sure. He was also looking a bit jaundiced earlier and I read that that can make you sleepy. Any ideas? I really want to be led by him and not be strict about routine but also want to make sure he's feeding enough....

[Szeli]

B is a bit jaundiced and the midwife suggested we rouse him for 3 hourly feeds but I'm not keen and the longer he sleeps the more he eats after so for me I feel cruel waking him when he's snug ATM xx

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Yeah that's kind of my thinking too Szeli.... Next time I'll let him sleep and see what happens.

[rrreow]

SayCoolNowSayWhip not from the other thread but re nipple shields: they saved my sanity with DS1. He had a posterior tongue tie and despite getting heavy frowns from midwives/bf counselors/practice nurse I decided to get some. They allowed me to feed him properly (it took longer than without but that was a small tradeoff for actual pain-free feeding!). We got his tongue tie snipped about 1.5 weeks after the birth (iirc) but it still didn't fix the problem for me. I would do one feed a day without shields just to keep him able to latch on to the nipple without shields. I used them until 6 months at which point I think DS latch improved purely due to his mouth being bigger. Breastfed from 6-14mo without shields without problems. The shields didn't interfere with him developing a proper latch once he was able to, and they also didn't interfere with his weight gain. YMMV but it's worth a try if it's too painful otherwise.

[SayCoolNowSayWhip]

Rreow thanks, that's really helpful

[Dirtymistress]

I'm not waking E up to feed, I thought about it but he wakes up frequently enough as it ishe had already put on a pound when health visitor weighed him last week. The only time I wake him is to have a bath with his brother.

[Radiator1234]

Hi ladies! Whip what a great idea this thread is.

Sounds like people are generally doing well!

Szeli gosh you poor thing the whole experience sounds awful :( So sorry to hear that. Keep getting as much support as you can.

Yuk just got puked on while writing this resulting in clothes change for both baby and me. Back to sleep now more later....

[Radiator1234]

Back again.

Sleep patterns at night look like they could be shifting to 4 hour chunks instead of 3. Am hopeful but too early to declare victory yet ( and of course while 4 is good, 5 is better, and 6 is better than 5 and so on!).

So just a quick recap about me/ baby as requested above:
DD2 born 11/3/13 (so 3 wks old), 8lb 13 (Same as DeathMetal baby!), birth ok, I also have a 2.10 year old DD1 - she will be 3 at the end of May.

Parenting style wise I'm a chilled out mummy, who is v keen to have a full nights sleep so favour vague routines rather than baby led (although I am by no mesns a Gina Ford or Baby Whisperer die hard! ).

So....Breastfeeding going ok I am just not convinced we always get the latch right. Don't think she opens her mouth wide enough. Despite that, she is putting on weight so we must be doing something right. The sore nipples have passed now (first week was awful!)! But unfortunately I have mastitis so have some antibs for that. Might try going to a Breastfeeding group today see if they can give me any hot tips re. the latch. not hopeful .

Toddler wise....broadly speaking DD1 is coping well with the new addition and loves to cuddle DD2 ( aah!). She strokes her head when she cries and says "don't worry baby"), hasn't tried to batter DD2 yet...however she has had her moments: crying when the baby cries, wanting cuddles with me when I am feeding, voluntarily putting herself in "Time out" when OH and I are dealing with the baby, telling us to go away etc...

What else... I feel exhausted and sleep deprived. Maybe as I get woken every day at around 7 am by a 2 year old 2mm from my face asking if she can watch Mr Tumble, regardless of the nights sleep I have had!!

[Radiator1234]

Re. Waking to feed....I tried to do it in the first few days during the day but struggled to wake her. Even employed a damp cloth on her face a few times if she fell asleep during a feed (how mean am I?!). Keen to tank up baby as much as poss during the day to try get more sleep at night. Generally though I respect the never wake a sleeping baby mantra. I never wake to feed at night.