Looking for a book to help an 11 year old girl. What Linda Poppoudopilous warns of, but aimed at the girl herself.

[LeslieWrinkle]

Obviously this is not just lazy parenting. I try to talk to my daughter about this sort of thing but she just tunes me out. If there were a BOOK she would not only read it because she's a great reader, but i think if the points were made, in print, they'd have more weight. I have had an eye out for quite a while now but can't find a book.

Issues I want her to understand

1. magazines and media put pressure on women to be one type of perfect
   
2. she is entitled to be herself, she is not obliged to have less hairy legs for example. I won't berate her for colluding with beauty conventionsso to speak but i want her to understand that having hairy legs is nothing to be ashamed of.
   
3. that she doesn't have to improve her hair, her eyebrows, eyelashes, skin colour etc, unless she really wants to, and if she really wants to, does she understand, can she articulate why she really wants to?
   
4. that girls are girls. women are women, we make up fifty per cent of the population and we are not some tiny minority.
   
5. to be aware of women in the media when they are portrayed through male eyes, portrayed as a fantasy of a woman.
   
   I hope I'm on the right track here. Her father isn't around. So I don't want her to be out there craving the wrong type of love. I hope I'm not overdoing it with all my warnings.

[nubbins]

are you after a 'this is how to grow up to be a strong, independent woman book' or are you after fictional books with strong female characters?

I have an 11yr old, who is also an avid reader, and I think I know where you are comming from. She see's her dad sporadically, but he always makes a comment such as "oh good you're not too heavy/tall/spotty/darkhaired etc" and it is such a worry that she will get mixed up with guys who speak to her the same way.

[LeslieWrinkle]

not fiction. a book that will give her confidence to march to the beat of her own drum, be healthy but not "hate her thighs" (or whatever). not to seek men's approval, to understand that being a decent human being who treats others well does NOT mean that one is obliged to prioritise men's needs over her own. that she is entitled to prioritise her own wellbeing and can do this without being a *bitch.

i see that she has the same people pleasing inclination i have. it worries me. she is very assertive with me, pointlessly so, but will let othercpeople (so far girls) away with some questionable stuff, cos she is grateful they r her friend. in two or three years time it could be the same mindset but having sex.... for the sake of it, to be liked or to be cool.

just want a book that will help me encourage her to identify her needs as separate from what other people around her want. (boys, in a few years).

my dd doesnt get any attention from a father. statistically this means she is likely to have sex younger.

[crazycrush]

Naomi wolf's "the beauty myth" is what you want, but it's not aimed at young teens... Hoping that this might lead to something more suitable.

Best you can do us lead by example though and he a strong role model. Good luck!

[crazycrush]

"be a strong role model"

[LeslieWrinkle]

thank you. I will read the beauty myth and summarise it as I go along.

[LeslieWrinkle]

I guess I'm a role model who eats well, exercises, doesn't parade a trail of men through the house (they have never met a boyfriend of mine). some people would say that's not right but the one and only relationship i had, i fitted HIM around the children and not the other way around.

She has no example of a healthy relationship though.

[blue22]

Have you read 'raising girls' by Steve Biddulph? I found it very interesting and useful on a variety of topics including the ones you've outlined.

[TolliverGroat]

You could look at <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1592403263?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">Body Drama or <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0757306071?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">Picture Perfect for your DD.

And you might find <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0060956674?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">101 Ways to Help Your Daughter Love Her Body useful for yourself.

[EllieQ]

I would suggest 'He's a Stud, She's a Slut' by Jessica Valenti, as that's a good introduction to feminism by looking at double standards including beauty, media, etc, but I think your DD might be too young for it at 11. You could post on the MN Feminist Chat board to see if they have any suggestions.