Worried about first night out

[HeatherJL]

long time lurker, first time poster.

I have a beautiful, healthy, 3 month old daughter, that i have been successfully breastfeeding. She's demand fed, taking both breast and expressed by bottle with no issues. She isnt the worlds best sleeper and we have had to resort to co-sleeping which i wasnt planning to do. The other night my DH surprised me by announcing that he had gotten us tickets for Billy Elliot in the west end and that we had reservations for one of my favorite restaurants for a pre-show meal. he had arranged for my mother to come and babysit and that we'd been back that night. We only live in Maidstone, so we wouldnt be more than an hour away.
He could see instantly that i wasnt pleased. he had brought the idea of "us time" on several occasions, even suggesting a weekend away. i ruled these out as it was too soon. But he clearly thought that he had covered all the bases this time and was quite upset that i didnt seem up for it.
Before i had my DD i always promised myself that i wouldnt be too clingy as a parent. but now that she's here i just cant be without her. Im thinking of calling the night off, but at the same time i feel like im being silly and selfish. My mother is urging me to go as she thinks it would be healthy for our relationship. but i just cant leave my little girl.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Heather

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Heather you aren't being a clingy parent at all and what you are experiencing is perfectly normal, I know that I couldn't have left mine at that age.

If you do want to go, could you do a few trial runs? Say leave DH with ebm tonight and go to bed early? Do that for a couple of nights and then ask your mums to have dd, with some ebm while you go out for an hour. See how it all goes then make your mind up.

I seriously wouldn't worry about your relationship either. DH and DM shouldn't be putting pressure on you to "keep DH happy" while you have a young baby, you have enough to cope with and this night sounds more for his benefit than yours. At best he's decided what you would like without actually talking to you. What has he done to help you and keep you happy? Think this is often missed out in the relationship conversations after a baby arrives.

[lljkk]

Awwww... you'll love her all the more for having an evening off. Go for it!!

[MrsSpagBol]

Not had my baby yet so appreciate I know nothing but really sounds like DH wants to spend some time with you? He seems to have gone to a lot of effort to address your worries and plan for them - please dont flame him (or me).

Even if you decide not to go, just cut him some slack - he just wants to be with you which is lovely.

[minipie]

is she normally in bed at the time you would be out?

if so then from her perspective it won't make any difference whether you are downstairs on the sofa or out at the theatre...

[tollyandfeste]

Ah bless I feel exactly the same with my DD now 6 months. I really didn't expect to either. I would take it slow but I think once you are there you will be okay. Can you arrange to call your mum at a set time for an update? Good luck

[GingerDoodle]

There will be strong opinions either way and it really comes down to what you want. Your DH thought he was doing something nice. Personally i feel that adult time and having fun as a couple occasionally is impotent.

I left my DD at 3 months with a friend of a friend to go to a christmas party / leaving do in London (we live in Sussex). I was in bits the day before but on the day I was oddly fine about it. The hardest part (and always is i have found for me) is shutting the door and walking to the station.

We've left her a few times since, with family, with her Godmother and on Thursday with a paid babysitter. I feel its good for her to get used to the fact that mummy always comes back. I always try and either put her to bed before i go or leave her awake.

NB. I mixed fed till 3 months now ff. She's 6 months in a couple of days.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

How do you feel now OP?

[noblegiraffe]

I think a meal or a show would be good, but both is quite a long time to be out for your first time away. You'll need to express in that time too I expect?

It sounds like your DH is being thoughtful, but he's actually asking quite a lot. Could you go out for a pub meal closer to home for your first time out?

[ZuleikaD]

She's only 12 weeks old and what you're feeling is not only entirely appropriate but necessary for your bond. I wouldn't go - it's a long evening and you would need to express a lot to cover the usual feeds (presume you'd have to leave at about 4.30 to get to the restaurant for the pre-show meal and wouldn't be back till midnight or so. That's probably 15oz needed if not more). Try something smaller and closer to home - a film or a local meal. Not both, and not London. Suppose the trains/Tubes were borked when you were coming back? You might be stuck for hours.

Agree with those thinking your DH should back off a bit. Life doesn't 'go back to normal' after a baby - this is how things are now. I'm sorry, it sounds like he's being a bit 'where's MY lollipop?!'.