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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Lonliness

21 replies

rachi1990xx · 20/03/2013 17:07

My DS is 9 weeks old and im surrounded by people but i feel incredibly lonely x all my freinds n there children r alot older i feel ive gt no one to talk to x my mother does her best to keep me company but i cant remember the last time
i had a good laugh with a few freinds . My partners mo help as he wnt change nappies or help wiv night feeds, i barely sleep and he expects me to stay in every day with the baby n wait for him . I just feel like crying . I love my DS snd partner but feel like im doing this alone . Does anyone else feel this way ? X ??

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Purplecatti · 20/03/2013 19:01

Babies are very lonely making. My oh goes into the spare room at first night feed and my baby wakes every 2 hours. And he doesn't get up until gone 8 even though I've had on average 5 hours sleep and baby is up at 6. Sometimes I could kill him!
He will do nappies though and play for an hour or so at weekends to give me a nap which right now are his only redeeming features as he doesn't lift a finger in the house and is a messy sod.
The worst thing you can do is sit at home all day. I've found a nice baby group so at least we can all be exhausted together.

NeedlesCuties · 20/03/2013 20:52

Your partner won't do night feeds or change nappies?

He expects you to stay home all day and wait for him?

Sorry, wtf is that about????????

Are you ok, OP. Do you have any independence such as £ or access to a car to get out and about?

Yes, being a mum can make us all lonely, I know that sometimes I get lonely too. But your partner lot bothering his bum to help out is not normal. I'm assuming this is his baby too, so he should act like it and interact with the baby.

Your baby is still very young, and your hormones are all over the place. You're doing your best, and although there's some bunfights generally MumsNet is a good place for support :)

MillyStar · 20/03/2013 21:36

Why does he want you to stay in every day?

scratchandsniff · 20/03/2013 21:53

He's being very unreasonable if he expects you to stay in all day. He'll have a very unhappy partner on his hands if this continues. I think It's important to get out of the house everyday even if It's to the shop for milk or a circuit round the park.

Have you got a local Surestart centre? Get yourself down there if so. I did a free baby massage class at mine and through that met a couple of women with babies the same age. I meet them at least once a week now.

It does get easier, but being stuck in the house all day will do you no good.

In regards to him helping out some men need it spelling out for them. It's his baby too. Yes you're the main carer as he's at work in the day, but he could help when he is at home. I found my DH got better as baby got more interactive.

Piemother · 20/03/2013 21:55

Sadly I cn empathise with much of your op as I felt v much like that with dd1. Then I went to some baby classes and eventually I met some mums who have become amazing friends.
Get out and find something for your and your lovely baby to enjoy. Your local children's centre can advise what you can access nearby. Most libraries do a rhyme time sessions for babies too.

Your partner is totally, totally unreasonable by the way.

Keep posting x

rachi1990xx · 21/03/2013 01:30

Thanks all im going to look into some groups and i dont have a car but have bought myself a months buspass . X

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NeedlesCuties · 21/03/2013 08:39

Whereabouts do you live, OP? Maybe some of us live nearby, or would have suggestions of places to try.

I'm in North Belfast, Northern Ireland :)

rachi1990xx · 21/03/2013 10:28

Im in birmingham uk x

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/03/2013 11:46

If you've bought a bus pass does that mean you've got some money to spend does DP like to know what you are spending too? Are you able to talk to him about sharing the care of your Lo?

Can totally sympathise with feeling lonely. I was in the same position as you, all friends were in work and I felt utterly alone. Is there a children's centre near to you? They usually have some activities you can go alone to and while I'm not guaranteeing you'll make friends, you'll probably meet some local mums who are going through the same things ad you are. If you are bfing, are there any bfing support groups you could go to?

Other places that might have things to go to are your local library, they have story time or music groups. Lo might be a bit young but at least its a chance for you to get out. Your swimming pool might do aquatots, they usually have all the gear your baby will need apart from the swim nappy .

If you are missing your friends are you able to meet up with them in the evening or in the day at the weekend? Wake you be able to get them to come to yours for an evening or would that be out of the question?

See if your library has What Mothers Do. I've not read it but have seen lots of posts from mums just like you who said it really helped.

Have a look at Mumsnet local too. You can ask what local groups are good and there is even a friendship bench.

Keep posting and let us know how you get on.

rachi1990xx · 21/03/2013 18:30

Thankyou i couldnt really afford the bus pass but i couldnt bear sitting in this house all day again at least i could go on the bus sumwere x iv been doing my research and found a few groups im going to enquire at x

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Purplecatti · 21/03/2013 18:52

Go to all the groups to begin with and pick the one that suits you best to go regularly. I'm 3 weeks into mine and got to the waving hello at familiar faces stage. For 2 hours I can have tea and chat and just feel human again. I go even if I've had no sleep and am a zombie and I do feel better for it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/03/2013 19:37

Agree, you probably won't meet a lifelong friend but it might help to get out of the house for a couple of hours. If the bus pass is a problem, are there any groups you can walk to?

rachi1990xx · 21/03/2013 21:30

I think there may b a few i can walk too going to check them out 2moz x thanks for all your advice feel lots better x x

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 22/03/2013 11:04

So glad you are feeling a bit better. I used to go to our local nct group. Lots of people think you have to be bfing but they are usually a good mix of bfers, ffers and a combination of the two. We also went to a music group once a week and playgroup too. I found that going out gave me something to look forward to and a bit of structure to my day. If you do go, accept any offers of lunch or coffee if you can. Is money tight generally though, or does DP like to keep an eye on what you spend?

rachi1990xx · 22/03/2013 22:00

No he never asks me what i soend money on hes generally very good in all areas other than when it cums to DS x

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 22/03/2013 22:11

That's good then, well apart from the bit about DS obviously

QTPie · 23/03/2013 17:00

Hi sweety

Personally I don't think that your OH is being "reasonable" with his attitude about baby care...

Is your Mum local? Is she good with your LO? Would she consider babysitting one evening a week possibly every week so that you can reconnect with your friends etc? Many grandparents would've delighted to so that (and every week would be even better - since they get used to it). It really isn't easy being a new mum - you need support and a little bit of time to yourself. When DS was 8 weeks old, I started going back to the gym/pool twice a week: wasn't hugely long, but a couple of hours twice a week really helped me feel myself and stay sane :)

Take care.

rachi1990xx · 24/03/2013 03:23

Hi yeah moms local and shes good with baby but im not ready to be away from him yet as weve been through alot (ds was very poorly had op at 5 weeks old) mom has offered though. Xx

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 24/03/2013 09:15

Sounds like you've had a really tough start to motherhood and I can totally understand you not wanting to leave Lo. At that age I used to go to my bfs house and take dd with me, just once a week or so and only for a couple of hours but it meant I got to see my friend.

foofooyeah · 24/03/2013 09:24

I remember bein very lonely with my first son - I was the first of my friends to have a baby and I can remember watching the clock until my DP came home from work so I had some company. I so understand when you say you miss having a laugh with friends.

I did eventually make some friends locally with babies

Yes do try to get out everyday even if just to library or something like that. Most people will like to chat to someone with a baby. It will get easier as your baby gets a bit older, and hopefuly the weather will get better soon.

I do think your partner is being an arse!

rachi1990xx · 25/03/2013 01:33

Thanks all my bf is starting up her own childminding service from home soon so she sed we can pop round there a few days a week so ds can play with other babies n i can have s cuppa n chat with her x

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