Is it normal to feel this anxious?

[teacher123]

I have a gorgeous 10mo baby boy, who is fab in every way. He has a great sense of humour and is brilliant company, loves playing with his toys and is eating well etc. However I am anxious to the point of nausea on a daily basis about all sorts of things. Whether he's napped enough/too much/drunk his milk/not drunk his milk/eaten enough lumpy food/you name it. I had an awful labour and was very ill after he was born and his sleep was terrible for the first few months. This has made me terrified about things that might affect his sleep etc. I can honestly say at the moment that the thought of another child makes me feel ill. People keep asking when we're going to have another one and I just think I would never ever in a million years cope. Do other people feel like this or should I speak to someone?

[Habichuela]

Hi there,

If your anxiety is making you feel ill I think you need to see your GP, you shouldn't let these feelings continue as it could effect your relationship with your little one. You might benefit from counseling?

[Pancakeflipper]

Oh poor you.
To me it sounds like anxiety. It is very normal to worry but I think you have upped it to the next level where you hardly get to enjoy things.

Sounds like your brain won't stop whirring.

You are not the first to feel like this and you are not the last.

What is your HV like? If they have been a good support then have a chat with them. They will help you, not judge. They have seen it all before. And if you don't know what to say - copy/paste/print your post on here and hand it over.

If not your HV what about your Dr? They can also help.

Do you get anytime that is just you?

[teacher123]

Thank you for your kind replies yes I get plenty of time to myself-am going back to work in a couple of months and DH is brilliant, as are all grandparents. (Happy to babysit for spa days etc!) DS is a wonderful baby as well-very cheerful, hardly cries etc. I just feel like I'm ruining it all by worrying so much I honestly get shaky if he won't go down for his nap, and cry.

[Pancakeflipper]

Sound like you have fantastic support, that will help you lots.

Will you chat to your HV or your Dr? Please don't think they will think you are crazy, they honestly won't.

Please don't think you are not a good mummy. I think this age is hard, it is soooo much easier when they are toddlers ( I think!).
But do chat to the HV or Dr.

[peachypips]

I hate to say the dreaded words but sounds like PND. The most common symptom is not depression but anxiety. Get ye to the GP and either get a bit of CBT or have some drugs.
Very blunt- sorry xxx (kisses to soften post)

[ChoudeBruxelles]

You sound like I was. Go and see your gp. I had pnd and anxiety. I was actually better once I went back to work as I didn't worry as much.

[BeaWheesht]

I was like this with dc1. For me, it was definitely PND brought on by a horrendous pregnancy and me being a perfectionist - I felt like ds was the first 'thing' in my life I couldn't control.

Go speak to your health visitor or doc and in the meantime try and think of 'what's the worst that could happen' and be realistic don't catastrophise. I try and live by the 'will it matter in 10 years?' Rule of thumb these days.

Oh and guess what I now have 2 dc and if it weren't for my awful pregnancies I'd have many more

[sleepcrisis]

You sound exactly how I felt, and I also had great support network, but it didn't change how I felt, just made me feel guilty that I still couldn't cope. I also used to have the fear about sleep and also had panic attacks when he wouldn't nap etc.

I was diagnosed with PND, OCD and anxiety all rolled into one and am now on meds and had a fab course of CBT. DS is now 20 mo and am beginning to finally feel like I could have another one and am considering coming off the tablets so I can ttc. The thought of 2 terrified me until recently.

Speak to your GP, CBT can work wonders. I repeat what BeaWheesht has said throughout my daily life 'what's the worst that can happen?' And I learnt the word catastrophise!

[shoesontheglasslamp]

I so recognise what you're saying.
I was similar until my PND diagnosis, then CBT and medication. Everything is so much better now.

It doesn't have to be like this. Please chat with GP or HV, it can't hurt and may really help.
Take the chance and soon you'll really enjoy your lovely DS

[Jac1978]

God I'm the same - if I give her finger food I panic about her choking, if I take her swimming I worry about her drowning, if we get in the car I worry about crashing, now she is crawling I'm convinced she's going to injure herself or eat something she shouldn't - the worry is exhausting and it's impossible to enjoy being a mum. Is she sleeping too much/not enough, is she eating too much/not enough, am I playing with her enough - it goes on and on!!! So I do sympathise. I think at the root if it is our own feelings of inadequacy and this probably needs to be worked through before we become unhappy but I also think that feeling overwhelmed is understandable, after all, what other job in the world would you be expected to go straight into with no training or supervision, being on call 24 hours a day, with every task having to be redone over and over and not receive any pay or feedback?!!! It's amazing we aren't all gibbering wrecks! I hope you find help to deal with your anxiety but all I can say is that it's ok to make mistakes and if you have a happy healthy baby that means you are doing a good job x

[bunchofposy]

I would say it is normal, because that is how I was, but I have nothing to compare it with. I worried about everything. I have only just been able to sleep in a separate bed from my DD, and she is almost 3. Funnily enough, I didn't worry when she was with people I trusted to look after her, just when I was looking after her, so maybe it is about feeling inadequate (hadn't considered this).

I worried about all the things Jac1978 says (in fact are you me?!) I also became desperately upset by anything on the news involving children to the point of having to avoid all news some weeks.

I did go to a doctor but partly because I was also angry (not with DD) all the time. Becoming a mum seemed to make a lot of my issues come flooding out. It was partly lack of sleep but I have wondered if it was PND. I had a few CBT sessions then moved house. I only felt ready to even think about another when DD was over 2. I sometimes wish I had waited longer even (currently expecting #2 and slightly panicking!). Just ignore anyone asking you about having another. Why should you be ready? Your baby is still very young, there is no reason you should rush it.
xx

[teacher123]

Thank you for all your messages-it gives me hope that something can make me feel a bit better. I am just so sick of feeling so stressed out all the time. Will make a GP appt tomorrow. The FIRST thing I think about when DS wakes in the morning is to worry about what we have planned for the day and whether he'll settle ok for his naps. I don't even know what I think will happen if he doesn't, just that it will be the end of the world. The irony is that he's a very chilled out baby most of the time, he definitely takes after DH not me!

[mummy2benji]

Yes I was going to say you might have PND too. I think a degree of anxiety is not uncommon in all first-time mums, and all the postnatal hormones contribute to that. When ds was a baby I used to worry about all sorts of morbid things - if I was walking down the stairs, I'd have a horrible image of me dropping him and him falling to the bottom. Or if I was pushing his buggy along the pavement by a busy main road I'd worry about a lorry losing control and hitting us, and the buggy going flying. I wondered if I was going crazy! My HV was very reassuring and said it isn't uncommon to be anxious, as this little person enters your life and suddenly they are so precious and so helpless and you love them more than anything - how could you not worry about things happening to them?! But equally it sounds like your anxiety is focused on things like routine, and naps, and feeds, which I think you know deep down just doesn't matter - babies are very adaptable. My dd is 4 months and just fits in with whatever we are doing - sometimes she doesn't get the chance to finish a feed as we have to go out on the school run, the poor thing has to wait and finish it when we get home. She naps in the car, in her chair at home, or in my baby carrier. Her nap times vary - she sleeps when she is tired, and when ds doesn't wake her up by charging about like a herd of elephants or by trying to give her a hug. Honestly, your ds will be absolutely fine if he misses a nap, or goes to bed late - he'll compensate by sleeping another time, if he needs it. Go easy on yourself and try not to have a lot of expectations or put pressure on yourself. It sounds like you're doing great and a fab mum. I hope your GP is helpful. All the best x