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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Feel like I'm not coping... :( in fact sinking rapidly!

20 replies

Ghostie · 08/02/2013 21:38

So dd2 is 7weeks on Sunday and Dd1 is 2 1/2 and this morning I was in tears and starting to feel really down. I said dh was talking nonsense when he said that dd1 wasn't this hard, but now I am not sure. She cries a lot and is really hard to settle. By this age I had dd1 on a great routine and in bed asleep by 7.30, which meant I had some time in the evening when I knew I could have an early night, or some down time. It us now 9.30 and my dad had just taken over trying to settle dd2 (dh is away over night on a stag do!)

Dd2 was a month prem and I had about 12 hours mat leave before my waters broke. Feel like I never ever stop, I am shattered and starting to get tearful and loose it!!!

People with 2 or more please help or provide some light...I know it won't last ...right?!

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noblegiraffe · 08/02/2013 21:47

Possibly not what you want to hear but I think you were lucky with DD1 settling at 7:30 so young, a lot of babies take a lot longer to get there. You might find it easier if you lower expectations and go with the flow a bit more. If she's not settling at 7:30, don't continue trying for two hours, just keep her up with you longer. I've spent a lot of evenings watching TV with a newborn on my lap feeding or just being awake.

It will get easier. And she will go to sleep at a reasonable time eventually, even if you don't stress about it.

FunnysInLaJardin · 08/02/2013 21:52

it will get easier most likely when they are about 5&7! Sorry babies are hard work and it really doesn't let up until they are a LOT older. DS's are 3 and 7 and DS2 still gets into bed with us every night. I have had about 3 unbroken nights sleep in 3 years!

plantsitter · 08/02/2013 21:57

It is hard. It is useful to stop yearning after your evenings for now - you WILL get them back - and just keep DD2 with you in the evenings. Is she breastfeeding? If so you can have some drowsy cluster feeding at this time and it can actually be quite pleasant. If not, don't expect her to go to sleep in her basket but cuddle androck her(or can you cluster bottle feed too?)

NuzzleandScratch · 08/02/2013 22:03

I could have written your post a few months back, I have 2 dds with the same age gap! Dd1 will be 3 in March, & dd2 is just over 6 months, and it does get easier! I agree with what the others have said, just keep her downstairs with you in the evenings for now, it's normal for them to want to be with you all the time when they're so tiny, & you'll just feel like you're failing when she won't settle upstairs each evening. It won't be long until you get your evenings back, then things all start to seem better. Soon your dd2 will start to interact with your dd1, and that is so lovely to see!

Ghostie · 08/02/2013 22:05

That is what I've been doing...just exhausted. She's not very chilled, so can't really just sit with her awake without her winding up, so I'm constantly jangling, rocking, feeding...my back is really sore. I've told DH that I want to book a massage next week, just so I get put of the house on my own and have a few hours relaxation, as I literally have not had a mins rest.

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drjohnsonscat · 08/02/2013 22:05

No it doesn't last forever, but it does go on a long time.

Mine are older now but I still don't have evenings because I'm usually in bed by 9 due to exhaustion (treating myself to late night tonight!). I think the best you can do is keep your head down - don't think about how you feel because that just makes things worse. Just keep on keeping on and one day soon you will realise that DD2 has settled or slept for longer or something that gives you a glimmer of hope! I found that counting the days until a better day made it worse - whereas just cutting out absolutely all other demands and just getting through it was ok. A few walks in the sunshine would help but we haven't had much of that so that's not helping.

Hope things improve for you soon - 7 weeks is still very very young and we are midwinter and 2.5 is a demanding age so it's no surprise you are at the end of your tether.

drjohnsonscat · 08/02/2013 22:07

That's not to say you shouldn't get time out, by the way. It sounds like I'm advocating a life sentence. I actually just meant try not to think about it. But of course do get out of the house, get a couple of hours break to have a massage, go and have a coffee on your own in a cafe. These are the equivalent of a three week holiday in the sun at this stage!

DoNotDisturb · 08/02/2013 22:10

It def gets better! Each month that passes gets easier i think. When my youngest was 4 months I thought I was cracking up. By 6 months I had it licked! Keep on trucking. You'll get there.

plantsitter · 08/02/2013 22:10

Yes, it's shit and relentless. But the baby will start to go down earlier, you will get into the rhythm of two, and you can to ban DH from any more stag dos (JOKE), and things will get better.

I would sometimes have a bath with DD2 in the evening and then get DH to take her away fora bit and bring her back for a feed while I stayed in the bath reading a trashy magazine, just to feel like I had a bit of my own space.

Good luck! It WILL get better! You are doing good work!!

noblegiraffe · 08/02/2013 22:17

Have you got a baby swing or vibrating chair you could put her in instead of rocking her all the time? I had a swing that my DS hated when he was a newborn, but after a few weeks he decided he liked it and its awful tinny music. A lifesaver.

Ghostie · 08/02/2013 22:23

Thanks! All helps, last night was crap, so was particularly tired today and I get frustrated that dh always ops for DD1 and never gives me a break from DD2 with out getting really frustrated with her fretting, so I take her back. But I am incredibly lucky with DD1, she helps and is like a mother hen. I couldn't of asked for more from her and she is the funniest cheeky monkey, which always puts a smile on my face and yes I def can't wait till DD2 can interact back and they can play together

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drjohnsonscat · 08/02/2013 22:24

That's it Ghostie. You did this for a reason and when the two of them are giggling together it will all be worth it. It's hugely hard though.

Ghostie · 09/02/2013 09:48

Ahhhh! not feeling very breezy about it this morning. She had a pretty good night, but that's mostly because I kept her in with me, as we're at my dad's and it wad cold for her today she has been a nightmare, up at 6.30 and has a couple of short naps, but wakes up every time I put her down. She is constantly feeding, which is the only time she's calm. Otherwise she cries and whinges constantly. It is starting to make me angry and frustrated, which makes me feel bad. She will go in the sling, but I have to be able to wash, get dressed etc. I am stressed and teary this morning. I look like a whale cos I am eating like a total pig...and oh great she just spewed all over me the milk she was drinking - don't think she really needed it. And all of this is so unfair on DD1!

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RandomMess · 09/02/2013 09:51

Ghostie my 3rd was really unsettled and cried all the time, it was hell, nearly broke both of us! Can I suggest you take her to an osteopath - it really helped.

Hang in there it does get better but you have so much empathy from me, she's 9 now and I can still remember how awful that time was

noblegiraffe · 09/02/2013 10:03

Is she crying because she wants to be held or is it something else like wind? Have you tried Infacol etc? What about reflux?
If she wakes when you put her down have you tried the tricks of warming the mattress before you put her in it, a muslin that smells of you, holding her for 10+ minutes before putting her down, waiting until her arm drops limply when you lift it, white noise? Also, a swing or a vibrating chair?

conorsrockers · 09/02/2013 11:21

Chin up. It gets better - the first few years are just a long hard slog. Can't remember how many times I dissolved in tears. Good thing is, the first few years make the rest of it look like a doddle

NellysKnickers · 09/02/2013 11:30

It is difficult but its not forever. Ds2 screamed constantly unless he was attached to me in some way either feeding or in his sling. He would not go in his pram or Moses basket. I was so tired and tearful.....but by the time he was 6 months he was sleeping through in his cot from 7 til 6. Ds1 was easier but I think it is with just one to care for. It's not forever, we coped by cosleeping.

Ghostie · 09/02/2013 17:09

Thanks it's good to hear these things. She's been sick, caught it off dd1 and now I have it, which really isn't helping! The poor thing jas been coughing and snorting all over the place. Thinking of taking her to docs to check there's nothing wrong. Tried infocol, but I think it gave her diarrhoea, so trying some different ones. It's just the constant crying which is doing my head in and makes it hard to enjoy her. Although I'm sure if I was less tired and bunged up I would feel it less.

Almost had a row with dh when he and we got home, he had a sleep shower and some lunch and when I gave him dd2 he said it was like o was punishing him for going away! I had to walk away and come and run a bath, before I burst into tears or screamed!

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ledkr · 09/02/2013 17:21

When is your night away op? Next weekend maybe?
My 5th is just two and I've found her very hard. My other four were far easier. 7 weeks is very early days though and your body is still recovering.
It's harder when you have one to compare it to as well. I'm constantly saying to dh "dd1 didn't do this" and dh won't have it. He says I just can't remember. He is very good with them though so I can't complain.

mrsc83 · 09/02/2013 21:52

My dd (3rd child) is the worst out of all for sleeping/whinging etc. My advice is just take each day as it comes. Housework will keep, sleep whenever you can and if you can relax in the evening if you get a chance. It will get better :) xxx

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