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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Help, should I let her go?

20 replies

Lynned · 31/01/2013 10:14

Dd14 invited to sleepover. We have not met girl or parents. She lives 10 miles away in a not very nice area. I am sure they are very nice people but every instinct is screaming no.

Two other factors. We are visiting friends in Southend some 50 miles away, been arranged for ages. The town my daughter is going to is where Tia Sharp lived.

Please be nice to me.

OP posts:

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Lafaminute · 31/01/2013 10:15

If your instinct says no then go with it - if you feel very bad, invite the girl over next weekend instead

AJAshley · 01/02/2013 17:29

I agree - follow your instincts and dont be worried about what anyone (including your daughter) may think of you.

And anyway if you have other plans, then that gives you the ideal let out.

Invite the other girl over for a visit to your house after school or during the day at a weekend and then offer to drop her home. That way you can get a feel for the other girl's setup and hopefully meet her parents.

No way would I ever let my kids stay over with people I do not know.

Good luck - I know what it is like. Some people will make you doubt your instincts and call you over-protective. I think you are just being sensible :)

HeadFairy · 01/02/2013 17:32

do you mean Croydon or do you mean New Addington?

LIZS · 01/02/2013 17:37

what has Tia Sharp got to do with anything . Most such incidents are domestic not geographical . As you have not met friend or family then you can say no, not yet.

seeker · 01/02/2013 17:42

She's 14 not 6!

peppajay · 01/02/2013 18:56

I remember being invited to a sleepover when i was about 13 and my parents had never met her parents so were dubious but let me go anyway, again she didnt live in a very nice area but my parents wanted to let me go. My dad dropped me off and when we got there we realised this girl didnt live with her parents but her 17 yr old sister and her boyfriend, I saw my dads face drop but he left me there and asked for the girls phone number. An hour later he called and said he had to pick me up as he didnt feel safe leaving me there, at 13 it could have gone either way but I totally understood where he was coming from and was releived to be going home as there was no love what so ever in her home and I felt scared as soon as my dad left me. I think you really need to try and meet her parents or know what her living circumstances are before you decide.

DeepRedBetty · 01/02/2013 19:00

Where Tia Sharp lived has nothing to do with it, the fact that it's ten miles away, you've never met the parents or the girl, and you're meant to be somewhere else at a reasonable time tomorrow (I assume that's what you mean) is the deal breaker.

Ask Mystery Girl round sometime next week, see what you think.

Shybairns · 01/02/2013 19:01

Can you call the paents and ask what they have planned? As in sleeping where, who in the house. sweeten it by asking what DD needs to bring, eg sleeping bag, snack food?

She shouldn't go if you've not even spoken to other girls parents.

lljkk · 01/02/2013 19:02

Agree, chat with the parents to get a feeling for what they're like. Go from there. They may think you're insane to not be getting in touch.

exoticfruits · 01/02/2013 19:12

Does she want to go? Do you not trust her instincts for friendships?

Lynned · 02/02/2013 15:55

It is next week, and she hasn't mentioned it again. Yes I trust her, but she has never been there before. Where Tia Sharp lived has everything to do with it, it's a horrible area, with all sorts of low-life's about. I should know, I used to live there!

OP posts:

henrysmama2012 · 02/02/2013 22:37

Don't let her go-trust your instinct. Make up an excuse and invite the friend over to yours at a later date. Why oh why take the risk? If you are wrong then the worst that can happen is your daughter misses a sleepover but the sleepover then happens at yours instead. Hardly an issue, no drama. If you are right then, well...doesn't bear thinking about.

seeker · 03/02/2013 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lynned · 03/02/2013 09:33

Well she's not going. She'll get over it. It's not often she gets a no from us!

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seeker · 03/02/2013 09:34

Bad decision IMHO. But hey ho.

JenaiMorris · 03/02/2013 09:38

Tia Sharp has fuck all to do with this!

Having said that, I'm not sure I'd be entirely happy about ds staying over with a family I didn't know in the area we used to live, because in a number of those households Friday nights tend to turn into fairly open house parties with overt drug use. The only difference between those households and a few of the well off, middle class ones I can think of is the occasional outbreak of violence with police involvement.

If I trusted ds though I'd let him go on the understanding that he could call if he felt awkward, he could tell me he was ill or something and I'd come and get him.

Lynned · 03/02/2013 10:48

Just spoken to dm. Dd told her she is glad we said no, as she wasn't comfortable going!

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frustratedashell · 03/02/2013 10:59

A good outcome then. My first instinct as soon as i read that you hadnt met the girl or parents was a very loud NO. Well done!

exoticfruits · 03/02/2013 17:03

Always start with the DC.-My first question was 'does she want to go?' -evidently she didn't, so there was no problem!

BartletForTeamGB · 03/02/2013 21:22

seeker, I've reported your post and asked for it to be edited. There is a trial still to happen and the man mentioned is as yet, in the eyes of the law, innocent. Published suggestions otherwise can prevent justice whether he is innocent or guilty.

lynned, sounds like a good result then!

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