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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Is my dd overweight

66 replies

slowlycatchymonkey · 24/01/2013 20:57

I've had another thread going here recently and thanks for the help with that. I have another question if that's ok. My dd is 114cm tall and weights 3 stone 7.5pounds. She likes her food a lot to be honest, and it can be a struggle to get her to take her mind off food. She is looking chubby round the face recently and although has a tiny waist, she is definitely chunkier than her friends.

Can anyone here tell me if those figures are too high? Thanks a lot.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 24/01/2013 21:00

Sorry, should add that she is 5yo

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Jac1978 · 24/01/2013 21:45

She has a healthy BMI for her height so please don't worry. Lots of factors influence weight - genetics, muscle mass, environment, nutrition and physical activity and need to be considered before assuming there's a problem. Just make sure she has healthy meals and snacks and is getting exercise whenever possible and allow her to stop eating when she's full rather than making her clear her plate. If you do have any concerns about sudden weight gain it's best to see your doctor. In the meantime try not to fixate too much on her weight or you may give her a complex. If she's a little bit chubbier than some of the others it's not the end of the world - children come in all shapes and sizes and they change and grow all the time.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 24/01/2013 22:17

Thanks for the reply. Her dad thinks she is overweight and lacks stamina and gives me a hard time about it, so I find myself stressing over it. She is also much keener on food than her friends seem to be ( will be the last kid off the food table at a party etc) and this plays on my mind. Thank you. I really don't want her to have issues about it, although I do tell her off if she is being greedy ( she can be, bless her). Should I not do this? She doesn't have a stop button when it comes to sugary stuff or bread, so I have to step in. :/

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FrumpyPumpy · 25/01/2013 08:37

My DS is same height and weight and is 3.10. He's got a roundish face, skinny legs and some visible ribs. Eats when he's hungry, and stops eating, even if it's ice cream or cake, when he's full. (doesn't have ice cream or cake that much tbh). He's just finishing his 3rd slice of toast for breakfast.

Ask your health visitor, but why dont you try and increase activity? We do try to do 4 bits of exercise a day at weekends (he's active in the week at nursery/grandmas/with me).

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FrumpyPumpy · 25/01/2013 08:38

Not 4 a day, 2 a day at weekends, even walking to shops etc

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 10:12

Haha tricky I thought you meant 4 a day, wow! We do 3 activities in the week and then will prob go to park/soft Play at weekends. Will def need to try and get her moving more though. Wish I could change her mindset about food though, she thinks about it all the time, literally torments me for sweets and chocolate round the clock

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 13:01

If she can't stop with the sugary stuff and bread, just don't buy the sweet stuff and give her less bread. that way you wont have to tell her off for being greedy. I have to do this with my DH (not sure it's the same with a 5yo)

Did she have a height and weight check when she started school and did you get a letter saying there are concerns about her weight?. Have you looked in your red book to see what her height and weight centiles are and if there actually is a problem?

If DH is concerned about her weight and stamina, what is he doing about it? Does he take her biking/swimming/walking or even rock climbing? Know the last one seems a bit crazy but there is a climbing wall near to us and our 5yo dd loves the club for tinies at the weekend. I also go to karate with her which is a really, really good workout. Perhaps your DH could do that with her?

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 13:32

Ex and I split up when she was a baby and the concerns about her weight started soon after. She was a chubby baby for sure, but passed all her checks and no one ever said anything incl HV's or otherwise. She was born on the 91st centile I think (8.14) and then stayed around the 99th for a few years. She levelled out to around the 91st again and he can't stand that, thinks she should be no where near that, and says she is obese. When she started school I was terrified of getting a letter because it would have given his crusade more power, but it never came, thank god.

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FireOverBabylon · 25/01/2013 13:36

Slowly, even if you and her dad split up, he still has a part to play in her upbringing - what does he feed her, and what activities does he do with her: swimming, cycling etc?

If he's doing bugger all to help her be physically active, he doesn't have a right to moan.

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GreatUncleEddie · 25/01/2013 13:38

Sounds like she's addicted to sugar. Stop buying the treats. Just don't have them in the house.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 13:40

Ps- it's not so much at home I have to tell her off, it's at parties, playdates, her childminders, my family's houses etc. It's a bit of a nightmare because she will be the kid who keeps coming back for more, asking her friends mums for treats and putting them on the spot. I do end up very cross at times, which I hate but nothing else works. She even lets it distract her from play to be honest.

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FireOverBabylon · 25/01/2013 13:43

How much does she drink? Could you ask parents at playdates to give her a drink rather than a snack?

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 13:43

Agree with fire and great. If she was born on the 91st and is on the 91st now, surely that is the right centile for her? Which centile is she on for height? She must be in proportion or you would have got the letter when she started school.

Does ex-h say any of these things in front of dd?

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 13:45

Fire, this is a bone of contention with me because he seems to pick on her tbh. Says she is overweight and I don't fee her properly ( yes really) but then says they've been to pizza hut and puts chocolate in her lunchbox. He got her a Bike for her 5th birthday that was by his own admission too big - then said that her inability to ride it was a lack of fitness and excess weight. I don't think he conveys this to her - just to me.
He does take her swimming and biking to be fair.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 13:46

Well lots of kids play bingo, mine will ask for things they don't get at home or much of. if she is going on a playdate could you ask the parents to make sure she only has fruit as a snack and no fizzy drinks or just a drink as suggested above?

What does your cm think? Have you discussed it with her?

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familyfun · 25/01/2013 13:46

speak to childminders, friends etc and ask them not to give her treats as you are reducing them.
occasional parties shouldnt cause her to be obese. if the party is 2pm, give ehr a proper dinner before she goes and if she eats her veg etc she can eat treats at the party.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 13:47

Yeah not sure of she drinks enough- will try that, although I hate to embarrass her in front of people. Also, her height is the 75th I think. Is this normal proportions?

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 25/01/2013 13:59

I'd say that was roughly in proportion, well like I said you would have had a letter about it otherwise. Could you speak to the school nurse (school) should be able to give you the number or the HV about your concerns. It might give you a bit of information to pass onto your ex-H .

Yes, totally agree, please don't talk to anyone about this in front of her or if you do try to say you are only giving drinks or fruit as snacks because you both want to be more healthy.

My dd drinks loads more water if I give her a straw. If you think she is confusing thirst with hunger try her with some straws or let her choose a new cup (home bargains is good) or the gift shop next time you have a day out together.

Don't forget high water foods, jelly, soup, melon, oranges, broccoli and cauliflower are all good.

Also agree with the filling her up with good things. We have a bit of an issue with DS and my parents giving too many sugary snacks. If we are going over I try to get them to have a huge breakfast, dd had ready brek with blueberries this morning, a slice of melon and some milk, and then I give them a banana in the car on the way over. That way they still get the crap at DGps but don't eat half as much.

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Hobbitation · 25/01/2013 14:11

DD2 is 110cm, nearly 3 stone, and is only 3. She is in the middle of the healthy weight range and looks like a beanpole. DD2 is 7.5, 131cm and 4 stone, in the bottom to middle of the healthy weight range. They are both good eaters, last at the party table, finishing everything off.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 15:11

Im afraid that If the HV decided that she was marginally overweight now ( she is obviously heavier than when she had the checks at school) I would be mortified because it would play right into his hands. Rather than contact them, I would like to monitor her weight myself.
A family member commented to me recently that I am terrified of dd getting fat because of ex and that if she gets wind of my fears, it will be me she blames and not him. It's like he is terrorising me about it and then causing me to treat my dd differently.

Interesting about the addiction to sugar. She is completely obsessed. Ex sends her mixed messages all the time, bans sweets and chocs one week, then takes her to mcdonalds the week after. She seems to have such an issue with it, like a kid who has been denied something and then wants it more and more. My dd seems fixated on it to the point of distraction at times. She'll ask after breakfast what's coming for lunch etc and when we went on hol last year, she talked about the buffet restaurant day and night, constantly 'negotiating with me what she could have from it hours and hours before the actual meal itself. It drove me to tears one night, actual tears because I had warned her to let me just have one day of the holiday where we talk about meal options all day. She persisted and the 'strangeness' of it left me so stressed that she is out of control that I burst into tears in the hotel room. As far as I know, she does NOT fixate like this with her dad.

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Missingthemincepies · 25/01/2013 15:28

Do you have room for a mini-fridge in the kitchen, something that is hers, with healthy treats, fruit/yogurt and drinks, that she's allowed to help herself to at any time? At least then if she pesters you can say to help herself out of her fridge. Or maybe just a snack bowl/basket if not.

Some kids get hungry a lot, but the more she uses sugar to get rid of the hunger, the quicker the rush will wear off and she'll get hungry quickly again. Also agree with the above - no sweets etc in the house and tell CM not to give.

Good eating habits will set her up for life. Your XH sounds like a total knob BTW, I'd ignore him.

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fedupwithdeployment · 25/01/2013 15:46

I would be opposed to Misingthemincepies suggestion...I think that the culture of snacking is part of the problem with obesity in the world today. And that is for healthy snacks too. If you are grazing you won't eat meals properly.

I have to say that from what you have written, it may be that you need some professional guidance on how to handle this (and guidance that you pass on to your Ex). My DS is the same age (well just 6) and while he occasionally says he wants something to eat just after breakfast, I know it is because he is bored. A bit of distraction and he is fine.

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slowlycatchymonkey · 25/01/2013 16:09

What kind of guidance? A counsellor? Ex would love some intervention. You have to understand that what he is interested in is proving my inadequacies as a parent. The only thing he would use that information for is to launch a residency case.

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fedupwithdeployment · 25/01/2013 16:19

I am sorry I don't know. But your DD seems to be getting mixed messages from the 2 of you - it doesn't sound like your parenting skills are the problem - more so his!

Perhaps someone mroe knowledgable will come along?

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GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 25/01/2013 16:59

Just wanted to empathise - I've read this thread with interest. My DD2 is 9 and gaining weight at an alarming rate. Like your DD she seems completely obsessed by food and it rules her every waking thought. I cook almost every single night and am really mindful of what we eat as a whole family - loads of fresh veg/fruit, fish and white meat, wholemeal everything etc. She isn't obsessed by junk food, just food generally and I am really strict with her because she's been on this spiral for several years. Her diet is far better than any of her peers (I know - I've seen the lunchboxes) but, and there's no getting away from this fact, she is fat. The main problem is lack of exercise as it's a vicious circle, overweight=less energy/motivation to do anything.The rest of the family are a healthy weight (probably even the lighter side of healthy) and it worries me, not from a looks perspective but for her health. The fact you are not in denial that your DD has weight issues will stand her in good stead for the future. Results are not instant, but so long as you are doing all you can to keep her healthy, you're not doing much wrong. Tell your xh that his interfering is only making the situation worse - you need solidarity and co-operation, not opposition.