I don't really know what is happening with me - DD is now 10 months old and I love her "as a mother should", I'm no longer BF and feeling a lot more recovered physically. Today a good friend went for her 20 week scan and although I am really happy for her I found myself reliving my 20 week scan and all I remember was fear.
The more I discuss my friends pregnancy, the more I feel I missed out on enjoying the whole experience. Because of my poor health and complications I felt on edge for most of the time - I kept telling myself I would relax and enjoy it when I had my baby safely in my arms. But within 45 minutes of a difficult birth she was in the NICU with a chest infection, a few days later they diagnosed a heart condition. So I put my brave face on, like I'd done with the pregnancy and I promised myself I'd enjoy it when I had her home.
When we got home I tried to relax and love my daughter but I still felt on edge and worried, although I didn't tell anyone. Things have been very difficult with DH, both of us are to blame which we can admit to and have promised each other to make positive changes. I have been as cheery, together and helpful as normal but been very unhappy when I found myself with too much thinking time.
I'm not fully recovered from birth but I'm so much better than I was - I have fallen totally in love with my daughter and she is the most beautiful part of my life. But the more I think about the last 12 months I've come to see how lonely, isolated, stressed and scared I really was. Is this normal? Do many women have these regrets?
I feel a little bit like I've been living in black and white - but it's only now that I have colour I can see what I missed.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.
Parenting
Feeling suddenly distraught over my pg, birth and parenting to date
12 replies
InsomniaQueen · 23/01/2013 00:03
OP posts:
HilaryClinton ·
23/01/2013 18:43
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.