Ambitions

[NewDKmum]

I am writing regarding DD1 (6) and myself, as I would very much appreciate some input on how to change my parenting of her.

DH and I have both done great at school and are academics and career people. DD1 has just been categorized as "slow" by her teacher - both at comprehending and finishing tasks. She doesn't have any developmental issues and is a happy girl, sweet to her little sister, has good friends etc. She just doesn't have a competitive bone in her body and doesn't care for finishing first, being best and isn't overly smart.

I tell myself that the main thing is that she is happy and that it doesn't matter how she does at school and I DO believe it. But at the same time I get so frustrated when helping out with her homework and she doesn't "get" it, to the point where she has started asking me, why it is so important to me that she does well at school. I fear I am putting too much weight on performance already and denting her self esteem, but find it hard to know what to do.

Please, does anyone have any advice?

[Tryharder]

I would remind yourself that personality is often more important than brains or academic achievement. Many successful people I know didn't do well at school but achieved in their careers due to street smarts and being likeable and confident!

[momb]

It's far too soon to categorise your lovely girl as slow. It seems to me she shows great maturity socially, and has lots of time to find her own level academically.
The answer to her question is that it's important for her to achieve the best she can academically so she has as many choices as possible when she's older, but otherwise than her best, there is no required standard.
Please try not to be frustrated. She will pick up on this and reading and numeracy will never be fun for her. To ask a six year old to really try at something they just don't enjoy is an impossible aim. If you are really concerned, have you considered Kumon? I've never used them but I believe that they assess your child and set them puzzles at their level until they find them easy, then up the standard so that the child never finds it hard but improves very quickly, as they do a bit every day. If you would prefer to work with her yourself, I'd recommend games and puzzles that use simple numbers and words so that they become second nature to her, and build from there.
But most of all, try to keep everything fun and don't get stressed or frustrated with her.
I think that most of us have expectations of our children that they will be like us, and it's one of the tough parts of parenting to allow them to develop into their own person. I think this is one of those times.

[NewDKmum]

Thanks, I really appreciate your thoughts - and you are right. I will have to try harder not to be frustrated with her and to make homework fun. And then accept her for who she is and focus on her lovely personality.

I haven't heard of Kumon, but will look into it - thanks for suggesting.

A bit of my concern is also that DD2 (5) is very smart and very different in that she is also very competitive and basically good at everything incl. running, swimming, cycling and skiing better than her older sister. I recognise the pattern from myself and my older sister and my sister is unfortunately struggling with low self esteem even as an adult.

[Bambi86]

As a teacher, I wouldn't worry. Six is still very young, and it sounds like you have a lovely DD - which, trust me, is like gold dust in some classes!

My sister was put into a similar bracket at that age, she just progressed at her own pace and ended up leaving Secondary school with all As...goes to show that six is really too young to be classing children as "slow learners".

It's far more important that she enjoys school, and learning without any added pressures. There will plenty of time for that later on in her education.

[NewDKmum]

Thanks, Bambi86, I really appreciate your view as a teacher!

I will try not to "hope" for her to progress into straight A's, though, I think, but work on her doing her best at whatever level that might be.

[exoticfruits]

Try not to think of it as a race- slow and steady often come out best. I would avoid Kumon.

[NewDKmum]

Thanks.

I have had a look at Kumon, and I don't think it is for us either, as we are not in the UK or near any Kumon centres. Also, English is DD1's third language, so it might be unnecessarily difficult for her.

[exoticfruits]

If she has 3 languages she is already way ahead of most children!