Does anyone else feel like they defend their toddler to DH?

(12 Posts)
LarkinSky Wed 09-Jan-13 09:05:28

Ditto TeamSledward: weekend playdates / inviting friends with small children round really help my DH get some perspective on our own DC.

I completely understand, and also experience similar unrealistic expectations from some grandparents (who may not have been exposed to preschoolers for decades) as well. Nothing iike them witnessing our toddler's birthday party to help them understand normal childish behaviour!

TeamSledward Tue 08-Jan-13 00:00:54

Actually, you make a really good point about DH spending more time at play groups. I upped the number of play dates and friends invited over as something for the dc to do, but every time guests/playmates leave DH breathes a huge sigh of relief and says something like "I'm so glad ds1 doesn't bhave like x."
I think your DH needs to spend more time with younger children o experience what variations of behaviour there are out there!

IcouldstillbeJoseph Sun 06-Jan-13 12:27:09

Yes, I can relate to that too - I really pushed to have another and got him to agree at a weak point! I think he was just happy to have sex....

BlablaSos Sun 06-Jan-13 11:50:22

Oh yes! Your Dh sounds just like mine, and I feel that because I'm always defending dd to him, when to I ever get to release my frustrations and get support.
Nice that you are expecting again, my DH won't have another one because he doesn't enjoy the one we have, which makes me try to be super woman, and make life so easy for him so he changes his mind - don't think he will though :-(

IcouldstillbeJoseph Sun 06-Jan-13 02:59:58

Thank you all - so nice to hear. I'm currently 35 weeks preg with no 2 so I will see if he's anymore realistic with this one!
He too also says things about other children and thinks their behaviour always superior. I think perhaps he needs more time at playgroups...

FayeKorgasm Sat 05-Jan-13 21:31:52

He is 2 and been on this planet just over 700 days and your DH expects perfect table manners. hmm

PoppyWearer Sat 05-Jan-13 21:28:45

Yes, I still get this with DH and our 4yo DC1, he expects such high standards of behaviour from her but she is still only 4yo and absolutely exhausted from school (in spite of the Christmas holidays - she is hyper from seeing family and all the presents), and when young kids are tired THEY PLAY UP!

Hell, my own behaviour when I'm tired isn't great either! nor is DH's

TeamSledward Sat 05-Jan-13 21:28:24

Had this with my DH for a while. He's a secondary teacher and so has a higher expectation of behaviour from children. There was a time that I was going blue in the face explaining, "He's only 2/3/4 etc".
DH eventually got the message, lowered his expectations and it helped that the boys grew up a bit too! Just remember... This too shall pass.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sat 05-Jan-13 21:22:23

and another of dh's useful comments is his retort when i say "but he's only 3".... dh will say" you'll still be saying that when he's 20". YES I WILL!!!

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sat 05-Jan-13 21:20:05

My own dh is wonderful & fabulous as I am sure yours is, but yes, been there OP. You have my full support & sympathy. The thing that gets me is why they comment at such inappropriate times. I used to get the added bit of the sentence .... "I'm sure x & y dont kick off like this" or "I cant imagine z (mother across the road) putting up with this behaviour. She wouldn't give them choices / let them tantrum / have them in her bed" etc etc etc.
My eldest is 5, dc2 is 3 and dc3 is under 1. dh's comments have lessened with each child. Although I now get the even more annoying "dc1 never used to blah blah blah" when actually yes he DID! sounds like your dh needs a bit more 1 to 1 time with dc to get with reality.
A little story for you to make you laugh - I know I can count on your empathy on this....3.15am one day this week, dc1 ran in to my room and said he needed the loo... waking dc3 who cosleeps. dc1 went to my bathroom and had terrible diarrhoea. I passed dc3 to dh and said you will have to deal with him. meanwhile i cleaned up 2 piles of diarrhoea from the bathroom floor, had to clean then bleach the outside & inside of the loo, seat, floor etc & shower dc1 who had not quite got to the loo in time. dh went tutting down the stairs with dc3 saying "huh, I always get the short straw, how do you expect me to get dc3 back to sleep"

Lucy411 Sat 05-Jan-13 21:19:33

Yep, and my lb is 11 months but a quick 11 months he's talking a lot and walks everywhere,so he does know when he's done something wrong like smack etc as he kisses me a second later and says sorry but I feel like I am always telling my partner to leve him alone he's only little and there was no need he's just being a small person!

He expects there not to be food scattered half way up the wall and a whole toilet roll not to be unravelled across the landing... Silly man! smile

IcouldstillbeJoseph Sat 05-Jan-13 21:01:25

DS has just turned 2 and displays all of the general recalcitrant behaviour I consider normal for that age. Having meltdowns when tired and refused yet another biscuit. Wanting things to be done his way. Eating meals sometimes and then not touching previously favourite foods at others etc etc.

DH works full time and so only really sees DS for a full day at the weekends. Today, after a long and tiring toddle around the woods DS had a meltdown over lunch because he didn't want banana custard as pudding - but there wasn't anything else. DH looks at me (while DS sobbing in a heap) and says "when does having children get enjoyable then?"

I just feel like he's always 'down' on DS for being just a normal toddler - and that I am always telling him
he has unrealistic expectations. He expects DS to sit nicely at the dinner table until we have all finished, eat all his food etc (which I agree would be nice but a bit much for a just 2 yr old to grasp)

Anyway, thank you, just needed to rant!

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