Sorry, it's long.
DD1 (5.2) is a funny, intelligent, articulate little girl who is lovely to her little sister, appears to have lots of friends, and is impecably behaved outside of the house. However, I have some concerns about her behaviour, and I'm not sure if any of this is normal!
From the age of 2, she developed what can almost be described as phobias of particular clothes - for a long time she would not wear long sleeves or anything dress or skirt related. We let her get on with it, but three years later, she's not much better. She genuinely cannot dress appropriately for the weather, is one big problem. I know the advice is usually to let her realise that she will be cold, but for DD1, she just cannot appreciate this. The worst is on a sunny but very cold winter's day, she will insist on wearing shorts. Needless to say, within seconds of being outdoors, she will moan and moan and moan about the cold. We threaten to take her home, and indeed we do carry this through, but it has no impact. It's the same story the next time. And the next time.
She is incredibly defeatist. She's interested in reading but only what she thinks she can read. She started reception this year and has got the hang of blending very well, but if we try a word that I know she can read (mat, for example, when she has just read the word cat) she moans and moans and moans that she cannot do it. Same with dance, which she started over the summer. She struggles with one particular move (or so she perceives) and cries that she's not going any more. I want her to carry on because she needs the phsyical activity - her clothing issues mean that trips to playgrouds (i.e. she's cold) have become a bit of a no-no. She does swimming too, but it's taken two years for her to realise she can swim, and even then she says she's rubbish 
. She stopped gymnastics because she said she was rubbish and was too cold.
Her play is imaginiative, but all she seems to like to do at the moment is write lists of names. Nothing else, just lists of names. She is highly competitive and hates to lose, to the point where she will not join in with party games in case she doesn't win. She will only go to parties (she seems to get a lot of invites) if there will be no games. I nearly considered keeping her off school for the Christmas party because I couldn't face the sulking. Was said she liked the games, so that's progress I guess.
She's really interested in music, so I've said maybe when she's older she might like music lessons. She's said no as "I won't know how to do it". I'm not pushing it, but it's like she cannot cope with the idea of doing anything new that might take a bit of work. I'm concerned that this might start to happen at school too, that she might refuse to do what her teacher asks on the grounds it might be too hard.
Does any of this sound like cause for concern? Would it be worth speaking to her teachers? We've had one parents' meeting so far and the way they do it at DD's school is to have the DC present, so that told us abolutely nothing.
Sorry that was such an essay!
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DD1 is wearing me down - is this normal?
manchestermummy · 05/01/2013 11:13
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The clothes thing is easily solved. Personally I'd just make her wear what she needs to wear to be suitably dressed, but make sure it's soft, comfortable fabric. I think your mistake was to pander to this fairly typical toddler complaint and now it's become 'her thing'. Another option if you prefer would be to let her wear what she wants, take warmer clothes with you and offer them to her if she complains of being cold. She's 5 plenty old enough to be told to either put them on or shut up stop complaining about the cold. End of.
As for the 'I can't do it' - that is much harder to deal with and requires levels of patience that only the reward of 
at the end of the day enables! I think you need seval different attacks on this problem - ignoring (when she says about things in the future), praising for things achieved (but not over the top), telling her not to be so silly (when she wont go to parties if there might be games - she can enjoy the rest of the party), practising (ie playing games where there isn't a winner) and praising for things she tries to do, whether she achieves or not. Maybe try things like 'Brownies' or whatever where there isn't any competition - just joining in, rather than gymnastics where the focus is on learning 'a skill'.
I would also talk to her teacher and see what her attitude is like at school.
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