DD is nearly 6 and DS is 2.75. This morning they have had me in floods of tears because their behaviour is starting to really get to me. DD refused to eat anything for breakfast at all - she's been ill for nearly 2 weeks, hardly eaten anything in that time and I'm really concerned about her not eating. DS, having asked for porridge, then refused to eat any of it and insisted on getting down, probably because DD wasn't at the table. DH and I had a heated discussion, within DCs earshot, about how to handle it - he was all for sitting DD at the table until she finished the yogurt I'd given her and I disagreed, she'll eat if she's hungry. The point DS refused his porridge was the point I lost it; he then changed his mind but by then I'd chucked the bowl in the kitchen sink, followed by mine, not that I'd have given it back anyway. I'm not proud of this, I know I'm the grown up and shouldn't throw things and burst into tears like some sort of teenager, but I did.
This is just an example of what happens at home. Neither DC listens to us, does as they are asked or responds to requests/offers with anything other than "No". Mealtimes are particular torture, we all eat together as much as possible but any conversation is overridden by constant chivvying from us to eat, to use a fork (DS) or cut food up (DD). Any interaction with them on their terms seems to go out the window in just trying to get the basics of day to day life done, partly because they both need so much asking/persuading/and sometimes (too often) absolute ordering around that time has run out. Arranging anything to do with them feels pointless as they don't seem to want to be involved with anything we arrange.
Other relevant background: both have been ill for a couple of weeks so we are all exhausted. I'm having chemo at the moment which doesn't help (includes hormone therapy that's essentially a mini-menopause which might explain the teenage behaviour). DH can be good with them but is also finding them very tough at the moment - he expressed it the other day as not liking their company at all - and his response is to go head on into opposition with them, which creates a horrible atmosphere. DD is going through quite an imaginative phase and is perfectly capable of making stuff up to suit what she wants, which makes it difficult to judge how she is really feeling, which means that both of us question what she's telling us so she probably doesn't feel very trusted right now. Neither DH nor I would win any patience awards normally and, both being tired, we're on very short fuses. DSIL is recovering from an eating disorder so I am ultra-paranoid about creating food issues.
I want to have a family where we're happy most of the time and unhappy occasionally, but seem to have the exact opposite at the moment. They are wonderful, chatty, funny children who respond beautifully to everyone - except me and DH.
Any suggestions for alternative strategies to improve the situation so we're not all spending our time at loggerheads?
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Constant negativity - alternative strategies please
7 replies
BlueyDragon · 27/12/2012 13:42
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