Bed sharing/Co sleeping advice please

[Smiffysmrs]

We have just started to regularly bed share with our 20week old little girl. It's been since her teething has been really upsetting her at night. Coming into bed with us seems to calm her down. she generally goes to sleep in her cot but at some point in the night comes in with us.
I have a few questions about bed sharing in general really, firstly where do you put them down at night, when it's too early for you to go to bed too? We've been trying to settle her in her cot but occasionally she won't calm enough and i end up laying with her on out bed, I then transfer her into her cot once she's asleep. But what do you do if there is no cot?
Secondly how do you manage the quilt situation? My instinct has told me not to put her under the quilt, so I pop her on top, with hubby under it and me under blankets (she's in the middle) she has a light sleeping bag on so should be warm enough with our body heat right?
lastly are bed rails/guards worth investing in & can you recommend any good ones that would work on a metal framed kingside bed?
Any other advice would be gratefully received.
Many thanks
Emma

[Jenny123G]

We did bed sharing with ds1 when he. Started teething too. Before I continue you must think to yourself how long can you put up with bed sharing for? As we never broke the habit and ds1 is now 3 years old and if he doesn't go to bed with us he will wake up in the night and get into bed with us. It doesn't bother us its something we are used to and I didn't like the idea of controlled crying.
The lindam bed guard is brilliant
as for quilts we just let him sleep in between us in his pjs under our duvet. We put him down in his bed which is a standard size single bed which he went into at 18 months then if he woke up in the night before we were in bed one of us would go lie with him until he dropped off.
Some would say its not ideal but it works for us.

[mrsEbruce]

Our dd is 10 months and had really bad teething, exzema and asthma aswell as having had colic and reflux. So never a good sleeper so i co sleep. She sleeps in our arms and i take her up with me when going to bed. She sleeps in my duvet always has. Co sleeping is extremly safe and has been proven to reduce sids aslong as parents dont smoke,drink or take drugs. Its also a very special bond i think and my other dds moved into there own beds with no problems just after turning one

[flibbergibbet]

That's reassuring to know mrs e, I also cosleep with my 10mnth old dd and have been trying controlled crying in an attempt to get her to sleep in her cot. Nightmare!! I just don't have the heart for it but am worried that she will never sleep on her own if I don't do it.

My dd used to sleep on the outside of the bed with me holding her in my arm as I was worried about my dh rolling into her in his sleep. Now she is a bit bigger she sleeps in the middle, sprawled out and slapping us in the face if she wants more space :)

Your way of doing it seems fine smiffy. I just use our duvet but I can see where your coming from, worrying about the duvet going over her face was another reason why I used to keep dd on the outside. My dd screams hysterically if I put her near the cot so she usually stays in my arms or in the bed if she falls asleep before me. I use a lindam bed guard. I used to get a crap sleep but it is much better now that she sleeps in the middle and I'm not so worried about squashing her like when she was tiny.

[aprilrain]

"am worried that she will never sleep on her own if I don't do it."

So do you imagine your (future) 14 yo insisting on getting into bed with you? Of course not. They will gradually start to prefer their own beds.

OP I have a side car cot that keeps my DD safe from rolling out on one side. I tend to put a large pillow between her and the other side to prevent her from rolling that way.

[mrsEbruce]

My 3 all co slept and shortly after turning one the big two decided it was time to go into there own beds no problems.

I dont have the heart to do controlled crying and after researching it has been advised its not donr it teaches them no ones going to come when there upset it also it release a hormone that effects the brain. But also heard it works for so many others defo a personel choice

[Pyrrah]

'Three in a Bed' by Deborah Jackson is probably the best co-sleeping book on the market.

To co-sleep safely you should be breast-feeding (you will lie in a certain position by default and your hormones prevent you from entering the deepest phases of sleep). The no smoking, no drugs, no alcohol rule of course.

We had the BabyDan bed rail (still do). DD just went to sleep in the middle of our bed when she was asleep in the evening - she did roll off once, so after that we put pillows along the edges and had no more problems.

DH and I have two single duvets rather than our 1 big one. DD hates being over-hot so she has always slept on top of the duvet in just pjs. I am snuggled inside as I feel the cold.

I've always sat with DD till she falls asleep and she still sleeps with us every night (she's 3.6) - I imagine she will move out in the next couple of years.

[monsterchild]

My dsd is now going on 7 and still is co sleeping. So it can indeed take a while for them to want to go to their own beds....

[Smiffysmrs]

Thank you all so much for your responses.
It has given me and my husband a lot of food for thought. Neither of us are up for controlled crying and I just cant bear to listen to her being uncomfortable knowing that popping her in with us calms her down so much that I think we will continue with sharing our bed with her.
I am still putting her into her cot for naps, and she initially goes to sleep in her cot at night, I'm hoping this will last as then at least she has the experience of her own bed.
I have to say I do love waking up to her smiling face in the mornings, and it is soooooo much easier for BFing too.
I think i will invest in the Lindam bed guard so it gives me anither sleeping option, and will also think about having two duvets rather than our current arrangement. Currently when she comes into our bed I give hubby all the duvet and I cover myself with blankets. But it does end up with a lot of material hanging over the bed and is generally a pain in the morning to actually make the bed.
I will also look into the book @Pyrrah suggested too - I'll see if the library has it.
If anyone has any more advise or experiences please keep them coming its brilliant to hear it all.
Thank you so much
Emma

[littlemonkeychops]

Hi, DD hated her cot until recently, she just used to come in the bed with us (cot is attched to my side of the bed). She's 20 months now and over the last few months has spent more and more time sctually in her cot. Now she sleeps all night in it and just crawls across for snuggles in thd morning :-)

DC2 due in May, so we've just got her a toddler bed in her room, will get her used to naps in there and in then in say feb we'll start her in there are nightime. Very sad to finish having her in our room we've loved it, but i don't want her to think the baby has pushed her out so want her settled before then. Having said that we have a very relaxed parenting style so if she doesn't take to her room she can have a matresson the floor in ours, it'll be her choice if she prefers being woken by baby crying or sleeping in her room!!

[Saffra]

I use this bedguard thing:

www.amazon.co.uk/The-British-Bed-Bumper-Original/dp/B002NYC5LI?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Have taken it on holidays and trips away - great as very portable and light. 14month DD hasn't attempted to climb over (as yet).

I put mine away when I'm making begin morning as I prefer the look of the bed without extra things on it,