Losing confidence with my 8 week old

[moop136]

I had a bit of a shakey start to motherhood, with a long labour and a very colicky,fussy baby. I must have cried enough for me and at least 3 other newmums!
Then one day things got easier, I felt much happier, and relaxed. We had a nightime routine that worked a treat, and things had settled.
Today my 8 week old had been really grumpy. Screaming on and off all day. Then as it got to the evening, the time I used to find the most difficult, she kicked.off again. Luckily, my hubby is amazing, calm and patient, and he looked after her.
This wobble has knocked my confidence, and there is no way I want to go back to how I used to be. I just feel a familiar sense of despair.
Has anyone else ever felt like this? How on earth can I combat this?

[jessebuni]

8 weeks in? Yes I think almost everyone has felt like this! Don't worry hopefully this was just a minor blip and everything will be smoother again the next day or in a few days. 8 weeks is still young and you' and your baby are both still learning so there will be many occasions where you have a bad day. My son and I still have them occasionally and he is nearly 4. I didn't have a long labour with him it was 4 hours long but the after part was worse, he had fluid stuck in his lungs and we ended up with him in the infant ICU for a week before we were allowed home. By which time going from busy hospital nights with bleeping machines to silent night in the middle of the country meant a big adjustment for a 1-2 week old and he was a nightmare for about a month until we finally got into a routine that worked. Baby's also have growth spurts though where they sometimes sleep more or less an feed more or less and act out of sorts so this also contributes to the occasional bad day. My second baby was easier. I had her at home and she was an angel from day one an sleeping through after 3-4 weeks. (I couldn't believe my luck at that one) but anyway my point is that all babies are totally different as are all mums and you will both have good and bad days. Don't let it knock your confidence because you are still both learning! It's nothing you're doing wrong and I'm sure things won't go back to being as bad as before long term. Feeling upset and stressed is also totally normal. With a toddler and a baby I sometimes feel like I'm the worlds worst mum everything is going wrong and I want to lock myself in the bathroom but then the next day will be absolutely fine.

[addictedtolatte]

i 2nd everything jesse says. my 1st was a struggle me having birth injuries complications ect. it was hard but we got there hes 4 now and a fantastic little boy. just carry on as you are you sound like your doing fine. glad youve got a good dp for support.

[EMS23]

I read something on here once which really helped me as it was exactly what I'd though pre DC's...
I assumed sleep, feeding, how I felt etc.. were all things that would get continually better over time. So we'd crack sleeping through, get a good routine, baby would eat more week on week, cry less etc..

Actually, all those thing will get better, get worse, go through peaks and troughs and that's all normal.

How you're feeling is very normal. Having a routine and good sleeps at 8 weeks is actually really good!

[QTPie]

Hi

Motherhood has "ups and downs" - they do like to keep you ony your toes

BUT sounds like you are doing great now. Don't let one grumpy day (or even a grumpy week) knock your excellent progress. Carry on doing what has been working for you, somehow get through the bad days and always treat tomorrow as a new day :)

You LO may be fighting the sniffles - even slight illness tends to make a horribly unhappy baby...

Don't dwell too much on one day - try to look at the wider picture (which sounds much better). Your confidence will grow week on week :)

Take care

[littleredmonkey]

Hi really interested in your bed time routine :-D love to hear what u do. I am breastfeeding and getting a couple of hours a night at a time. Hope u feel better today. My little monkey is 7 weeks this Thursday. 18 hour labour then emergency c section.

[AngelDog]

New baby unsettledness generally peaks at 6-8 weeks so it should calm down again soon. But as others have said, it does go in peaks & troughs and phases. Remember that a bad day today doesn't mean you'll have a bad day every day. A bad day today means only a bad day today. :)

[Newmummy12]

I went through the exact same moop136 my baby had colic and 4 weeks and finally went t 5 and a half months and because he's used to scream all day long I lost confidence in going out to places he started getting easier at about 3 months but I had no confidence atall, people used to say to me it do get easier and I used to think no how can it get easier but it did and now I have a lot of confidence with him. It is very hard tho just hang in there and in a few weeks ull for get about it and be helping other mums and giving them advice. Go with the flow :-)

[moop136]

Thankyou all for your kind words. I have found this site such a great help and support in recent times.
I nearly lost myself the first few weeks of having my daughter. I never thought it would be an easy time, but it has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. But also the most amazing.
I still have lots of questions about formula feeding, when you change routines etc. But I feel a little deserted by the health visitor. At 8 weeks are we able to still give them a buzz? Their answers are always so vague and contradictory!

[DewDr0p]

You sound like you are doing a fabulous job OP. At 8 weeks I was all over the place.

Worth remembering that at 8 weeks your lo is starting to wake up a bit more and can easily get overstimulated. I've got a feeling their sleep patterns start to change too (they start to lose their ability to fall asleep anywhere from what I remember). Their tummies are still little and immature too so they might be grizzly and unsettled due to that.

Totally agree with everything else already said too.

Definitely make use of your HV if they are helpful.

[waterrat]

Moop - the advice above about not expecting things to move forward in a straight line is so right. I have a 7 month old - and there are things changing and confusing me each day! It would be very unusual if your 8 week old baby settled into a pattern for any particular length of time.

Their needs change, their level of alertness changes - remember, crying is the ONLY way they have to communicate! It's like if you had to say to someone - pass the salt, but the only way you have to do that is to cry!

Assume there will be many days like this, interspersed with other wonderful easy days. Remember that up ahead you have growth spurts/ teething/ sleep regressions....

I was totally baffled when my 4 month old started waking hourly having been sleeping through - but that is also common....

oh - and a really good book to read to help you know why they might be particularly tricky one day is the Wonder Weeks - it is by child brain/ neurological experts and explains why at particular stages - ie. 8 weeks/ 12 weeks etc - they are going through a big developmental leap and may be a bit more fussy.

think about it - your baby might be learning one day to see in three dimensions, or suddenly to understand that you are a different person - or learning to see things further away than before - thats a lot for a brain to cope with! thats why they cry, but you cant tell why.

but - re. colicy crying, that does get less - as I remember after about 3 months there was much less general random crying.....

another nice book is Penelope Leach Your Baby and Child...

[Fairylea]

This is so normal. And trust me you will still be having good days and bad days when your dc is 9 years old like mine! (And I have ds 5 months too).

Try not to worry and keep saying this too shall pass. Take every day as a new start and begin again with positive energy. I know that sounds awfully crap but thinking like this really helped me when I was feeling down.

It will be ok. Sounds like you're doing a brilliant job.

[Newmummy12]

Waterrat I love you post my baby is 6 and half months I noticed yours is 7 months. If u don't mind me asking what us your baby's feeding routing I.e how many oz in a bottle how regular, how many bottles a day, solids and do u cook your own solids hid your baby? Sorry for so many questions I just love to I is what other mums are doing haha.

[AngelDog]

Yes, the Wonder Weeks is a fab book. You can read quite a bit about the developmental leaps (when they are etc) on their website www.thewonderweeks.com.

[moop136]

Thanks again guys for all the advice
This week really has been a fine example of how up and down these little people can be!
Up until today she has been pretty normal for her, althpugh the colic symptoms have once again, intensified. Knees drawing up, wailing, etc. We have tried dr browns bottles, a variety of teats, colief,infacol, dentinox,gripe water and aptamil comfort milk, now I just resign myself to the fact that we just need to wait it out!
Tonight everytime.we.laid her down, she.would scream. This is not like her. She has.decided to change her routine..She is no longer soothed by white noise.or.swaddling.
Man, I do not.want to let this bother me. Mayb its a.growth.spurt ?

[QTPie]

Cranial Osteopathy (off the wall suggestion...)?

Good luck. Regardless, it WILL pass, things WILL get better :)

[Jac1978]

Hang in there I promise you it won't be like this forever. Does she hiccup a lot after feeds? Am wondering if it's reflux - ie the milk is coming up into her throat after a feed and causing discomfort when she lies down. Try sitting her up for half an hour after feeds and maybe raising the head of her bed slightly (ie put a towel under the mattress) - it might help keep the milk down a little. Don't worry we have had desperate times where we feel helpless and inadequate - you're certainly not alone.

[valiumredhead]

Honestly everyone has good days and not so good days x

[waterrat]

moop = I would say don't assume that things have changed because they don't work one day. Just like you your baby has different moods and sometimes won't be soothed by things that normally work - try to take a longer view rather than getting worried day by day. Babies are baffling - but then so are adults sometimes!