On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

crazy I don't know! I am on my last legs today, absolutely full of cold and ds was awake nearly ALL night last night. I got no more than 2.5 hours' sleep, had to take him out in the car, sling etc but spent much of the time crying pacing the floor. He is getting worse every night and I can't face another one!

<weeps>

I've asked this before but how much te do other babies (7 weeks) spend awake in the day? Wondering if I need to make some effort to help hi learn that days are for fun and nights are for sleep...

crazypaving Tue 04-Dec-12 14:16:58

oh poor you crazyhorse! I just take ds's lead. I find trying to keep him awake when he doesn't want to be is just grim, but having said that nights aren't too bad atm. we keep him in the light, loud environment, chatty feeds etc in the day, opposite at night. not sure if that's what made the difference, suspect it's actually just luck of the draw. I could so easily be where you are...and things can change in the blink of an eye at this age, so who knows what each night will bring! I hope it gets better for you quickly though.

I had morning from hell, sorry about my outburst earlier! ds1 slept badly last night so is overtired today, and we had to go for ds2's jabs today. appointment at 10am, called in at 10.50 with very bored narky toddler. then she made ds2 bleed loads, not her fault I know but not ideal. back for lunch refusal and begging for beebies. meanwhile ds2 is back to being difficult to feed.

my life used to be fun. I think. can't really remember.

Yuk grumpy toddlers seriously make the whole thing horrendous!! Dd is just over a chest infection and still full of cold, she constantly wants to be carried/spoonfed/etc and is so whingey at the moment. She's usually such a cheery little thing and its so hard not to get really annoyed with her. Having two childrenon me at all times seriously grinds me down...

Climbingpenguin Tue 04-Dec-12 16:43:17

I remember being on the first thread of this.

DS is now 14 months and DD 2.9. Both still wake two plus times a night but things are manageable now and DS is now walking and able to occupy himself for small chunks.

Turned out you can have two high needs babies in a row, which if you have be warned. I found months 8/9 really hard as the cumulative sleep deprivation took hold. DS only went down to two/three nights feed and not being rocked to sleep after a year. However things also got better around then as I could go out in evenings to various exercise things, I put them into nursery for one or two afternoons a week, DH started doing the co-sleeping with DS bringing him through for feeds. What I guess I'm saying is don't wait until your not coping to put support in place. Even if you can't do anything else go for 10 min walks in the evenings. This was how I got back into running, I would get ready but only commit to a quick walk. I often found by the end I was up for running but initially DH had to almost kick me out the house.

EMS23 Tue 04-Dec-12 19:32:17

Argh, awful bedtime. DD1 has gone up a room at nursery today, which has completely freaked her out. She's small for her age (2) anyway & not really talking and the new room has just gobbled her up. So after a few weeks of her jealousy calming down, tonight we're back to her wanting to be sat on my lap the whole time. DD2 seems unwell and has spent bedtime screaming plus my DH is away and although my mum is here to help, both DD's just want me. So 2 babies, not enough arms or lap space.

Plus I had an awful night, last night with one or the other being awake from 11pm onwards so I'm knackered. I can't wait for DH to get back, for the moral support as much as the practical help! My mum is being amazing but in the night I can't have her wait up, just incase they both wake at once plus she's exhausted from the daytime as it is!

Selfishly though, I'm glad she's seeing how hard it is. I think my family think I'm exaggerating and a bit pfb about my DC's so hopefully she'll report back that it is actually just really stressful for me right now and I genuinely don't have time for long FaceTime chats and phone calls!

Is it really narcissistic to want people to appreciate how hard it is?

bedhaven Tue 04-Dec-12 21:10:58

Hello all! May I join you? It's already feeling better knowing others feel the same. I have DD nearly 2y and DS 11 weeks (I think! I've lost count already- all adds to the guilt).
DS is a doddle, very chilled even when targetted for big sister treatment. I find myself shouting I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! Way too often and too loudly, at times I feel persecuted...by a toddler??! I've tried to be positive, especially when DH gets home but there is just less joy each day and I feel overwhelmed. I just keep reminding myself...when I've finally calmed down that she is only little and this will get better.

EMS23 Wed 05-Dec-12 19:06:17

Hello bedhaven - we all here know how you feel.
My DD1 bears the brunt of it sometimes and I feel so bad after. It's not like she asked for this new baby who has usurped her rightful position on my lap and in my arms!

This too shall pass....

I saw a friend today who is one year down the line from us (her DD's are 1 and 3) and she said "yes, it was bonkers but I'm getting there now".

3 months down... 9 to go!!

crazypaving Wed 05-Dec-12 19:43:25

well put bedhaven!

I want my evenings back!!!!!

That is all sad

debbie1412 Wed 05-Dec-12 20:22:31

Just reading these has made me smile, after a very trying day with dc1 2.3 and dc2 4wks it's nice to know I'm not the only one :-) x

Please can I have a whinge? I have got the most horrendous cold but can't take anything for it because of bf. Ds is still refusing to settle anywhere but on me in the middle of the night so from 1-6 am I am propped up on pillows with him on my chest. The lack of sleep in combination with the cold have absolutely done me in and I'm actually feeling really down - you know when you just hope no-one asks how you are because it will make you burst into tears, well that's me at the moment. DH has just made me book dd on for an extra nursery day tomorrow because I'm so under the weather that having them both is too much, so now I feel overwhelming guilt as well.

That's it, I know others have it much worse.

sad

crazypaving Thu 06-Dec-12 19:31:36

God, whinge away CrazyHorse, that sounds shite!! You poor thing, hope you get better soon. Sounds like an extra day at nursery is just a very good idea!

Goldrill Thu 06-Dec-12 20:37:20

I've just got over a cold, crazyhorse, and I feel an awful lot more cheerful, even for all the stress and lack of sleep etc. It's just the last thing you need when you're working really hard to hold it all together. Hope yours clears up soon and an extra day at nursery is very sensible. My mum would say something about having to look after yourself in order to look after the littlies at this point I think...

Loopyhasanotherbean Thu 06-Dec-12 20:37:28

hey all. have discovered a solution to regaining your gorgeous pre-second DC toddler....spend 4 days in hospital with second DC. On your return from hospital, terrible 25 month toddler has packed his bags and angelic boy is back, loveable, kind, excited to see me and DS2, and not a single tantrum other than when i went to change his pre-bedtime nappy, which was stopped by getting him to "show" his brother how we change a nappy..

Bit drastic but worked for us....although 4 days in a hotel might be more preferable to 4 days of hospital food!!

EMS23 Fri 07-Dec-12 03:51:44

I hope you feel better soon crazyhorse. Your DH sounds like a sensible man, don't feel bad.

Loopy sorry you've had a hospital visit. Is DC2 ok now?

DH is back from his trip so things have calmed down a bit here. It's just good to have him home and sharing the load really. I felt really anxious yesterday evening so having him here to lean on helps rationalise it.

Loopyhasanotherbean Fri 07-Dec-12 11:26:36

he has bronchiolitis, we think he caught it from his brother, who i'd taken to the doctors the previous week and v annoyed as was fobbed of by GP as it being something of nothing, so DS1 was extremely ill for a week, and lost so much weight in the process that his ribs and hip bones are all jutting out, then DS2 got so ill he couldn't breath properly or feed at all and ended up in hospital on oxygen being tube fed. Will take him a while to get back to normal but the hospital worked wonders with him and so we are hopeful we won't be one of the ones that end up being readmitted. He started feeding Wednesday night, and had 4 reasonable feeds yesterday/this morning so just got to try and increase his appetite bit by bit.

chezziejo Sun 09-Dec-12 08:48:48

Morning all.

Can relate to the hospital thing. Dd carried on losing weight and Hv got her into hospital as she was concerned. She's had 8 days in there with 3 days in high dependency on 80% oxygen with IV antibiotics and IV fluids. She had positive RSV virus bronchiolitis and a bacterial chest infection. Toddler seems a bit better since we got home . He gets so fixated with things tho. It's the Hoover at the moment and he loves to kelp you Hoover up. Aything we do he has to be involved or a meltdown can occur. That said ie said no this morning and no meltdown so a bit better. Think in going to knock breast feeding on the head tho. I might get flamed but I'm just not coping with I. I had to express in hospital so she could be tube fed and have carried on with it at home bit I have lost all confidence in doing it and it scares me to the point I want to cry after she was so ill and lost weight. She's having a mix at moment of breast milk and formula. I know it's best for her but its making me feel down and tearful thinking about it. I didn't get past three weeks doing it with ds either as I just found it too much. Hope this doesn't make me an awful mum sad

Hope your all bearing up ok and all feeling better with your colds and sleep deprivation.

EMS23 Sun 09-Dec-12 09:47:29

chezziejo stopping bf'ing DOES NOT make you a bad mum. You can only do your best, given the circumstances you find presented to you at the time.
If you do stop, that is ok.

crazypaving Mon 10-Dec-12 12:22:57

Loopy crikey that sounds horrendous sad Glad you're all back home now and on the mend.

chezzie, what EMS said. Your decision, no flames!

EMS glad your DH is back - can't imagine surviving with DH away. Well done you!!

DS1 is full of snot and coughing horribly, and waking a couple of times in the night because of the cough. DS2 seemst o be on his own special 9week growth spurt so is waking more often, and I don't seem to be sleeping much. Knackered.

And we have our Christmas tree up - our first ever! It seems to be DS1's mission to strip it naked angry Poor tree.

Damn DS2 awake...knew it couldn't last, he wasn't asleep on me!!

BettyandDon Tue 11-Dec-12 13:50:42

Just found this thread and previous and signing up!

I have DD 2.4 and DD 2 weeks who is BF although DD1 wasnt (it is a shock to the system). DD2 is cluster feeding from 5ish till 11pm. DH is back at work.

I have only just managed to get both to the park which was my first trip out with both...DD2 in a sling asleep (wont sleep in cot/buggy yet) and DD1 on foot.

I only have to last 3.5 more days then DH is off till Jan smile For that I am thankful. My boobies have only just about stopped hurting although the left one a little dodgy.

No relatives or childcare used here. It's all me. Am terrified DD1 is going to miss out due to all the time taken BF her sister and don't know how I am going to get round to her activities every morning (booked and paid for!). Can I become a walking feeding machine ??

Right going to try to read the thread for some comfort...

Welcome Betty!

A quick question for you all - do anyone's babies have daytime naps in their cots or Moses baskets? This would be the holy grail for me but I just can't see it ever happening!!

Hope everyone's week is going ok, and chezzie I think I'm going to stop bf too, so definitely no flaming from me!!

EMS23 Tue 11-Dec-12 15:42:01

BettyandDon - same as you DD1 was FF & although DD2 did start off BF, it was just too much to cope with both girls, while DD2 wanted to constantly feed. I got thrush and mastitis and decided to go to FF for DD2 after a short while as it was all too much to cope with. And I have my DH at home 3 weeks out of 4!

EMS23 Tue 11-Dec-12 16:26:23

BettyandDon - same as you DD1 was FF & although DD2 did start off BF, it was just too much to cope with both girls, while DD2 wanted to constantly feed. I got thrush and mastitis and decided to go to FF for DD2 after a short while as it was all too much to cope with. And I have my DH at home 3 weeks out of 4!

EMS23 Tue 11-Dec-12 17:56:22

Crazyhorse no, DD2 will not nap in her basket yet. She sleeps in it fine at night but during the day she'll sleep in the pram in the lounge, in the bouncer or sometimes, lying on the playmat but that's my least preferred as DD1 tends to wake her up then!

It took DD1 till about 5 months old before she would do daytime naps in cot and that happened on its own so I'm going with the flow on it. To be fair, DD2 doesn't seem to be bothered with the noise going on around her when she naps in the pram so I'm happy with that.

Once in a wonderful while I get DD1 down for a nap (in her bed but has to be rocked to sleep for her nap) and DD2 down in the pram and I get to have a few minutes to myself.
Is it wrong to be looking forward to them both going to school? I fear I'm wishing it away but it will come around all too quickly.

crazypaving Tue 11-Dec-12 18:39:58

Help!! I've had the most spectacularly crap evening.

DS2 has been refusing to feed all day, bar one monster feed at 11am. He is hungry and very screamy. Why won't he feed if he's hungry???

DS1 has been un.be.lie.vable. I have been struggling not to wring his neck. He's been throwing toys, hitting the tv with his fists, and when told off and removed from the room (no mean feat with DS2 screaming in the sling) he headbutted DS2 then ran to the boiler and turned it off, which he knows he's not allowed to do. When I tell him off he laughs at me and looks delighted!!

Help, what do I do?? What am I doing wrong??!

crazypaving Tue 11-Dec-12 18:40:31

oh and how do you restart a boiler?! Seriously!

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