On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

debbie1412 Tue 12-Feb-13 22:59:37

Well today I did the 90 min + drive to my parents house today with my 2 then back home. I really had to go out of my comfort zone to do it and thankfully they were angels Both ways. Il sleep happy tonight....#Iftheyletme

Benang Sat 16-Feb-13 14:42:27

Hello all, looks like this thread has gone a bit quiet but still it's been reassuring to read that I am not alone (not that I'm wishing the travails on anyone, but, you know...). Seriously thinking of trying to get referred for counseling or CBT as feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, also very sad about my relationship with toddler DD, not to mention DH. We're all sick again, she was up puking in the night, and instead of being sympathetic I just can't stand it anymore. I know I'm not being nice enough to her. And I know I can't expect her to be nice to me. But! But! Every response from her is 'no.' Everything she says to me is a demand. Or so it feels, anyway. DH helps when it suits him, which sometimes is lifesaving, but I dwell on the bad bits (like him saying why did I have two children if I couldn't cope... mind you, he said the same thing when I--we!--only had one, so it wasn't a surprise). This too will pass? But will we all still be in one piece?

debbie1412 Sat 16-Feb-13 22:33:42

Hey benang, where has everyone gone?? Hopefully they all have sleeping through babies. We have a ds 2.6 with chicken pox and dd 15wks on her 3rd night of trapped wind.... Not fun x

crazypaving Sun 17-Feb-13 08:53:54

I'm still here. with a ds1 whose response to everything is that he doesn't want it, unless it's postman pat, and ds2 who wakes twice a night and is up for the day at 5.30. still, it's an improvement on the 3 weeks we had of 3.30-4.30 ...

my patience is regularly wearing very thin sad

Birdies Sun 17-Feb-13 11:02:56

I hoped it had gone quiet cos everyone was sorted as to how to look after toddler and newborn!

No such luck here either. Getting a bit more sleep but only cos DH is letting me lie in in the morning while he looks after DD1. Problem I have is DD1 crying everytime DD2 makes the tiniest of noises..,which is pretty often. And also I'm relying on the TV for her almost all day at the mo, which makes me feel like a bad mother. Does anyone else use the TV too much?

benang it'll all pass but get the counselling referral if it will help you in the meantime. Nothing to lose (except I guess finding the time for it).

debbie are our babies immune from chicken pox because of our immunity passing to them?

crazy postman pat as in on the TV? So you must have same TV problem as me?!

crazypaving Sun 17-Feb-13 12:10:24

birdies yes postman pat on tv. I used to think it was a lovely program. now I'd like to hit that village with an ak47, I'm that sick of it. and we've been lent a postman pat special delivery service helicopter which sings the stupid song angry omg it makes me go a bit demented with rage.

ds1 is being incredibly difficult this weekend. all he wants to do is watch tv and eat cereal bars. he does swimming with dh every Sunday, which is normally a highlight of his week but today he had a huge tantrum and had to be brought home early. I really feel out of my depth with him atm sad

Debbie hope your chickenpox is mild and over quickly. I still have that to look forward to....confused

debbie1412 Mon 18-Feb-13 12:59:33

I'm not sure if they are immune! I'm hoping so. It's rare in babies. It takes so long to show its self we won't know for a wk or so x

Benang Mon 18-Feb-13 16:29:16

Oh yes TV. DD watches way way too much (or DVDs in our case). But as the only other things she wants to do are be read to or play complex games that involve me playing all the minor roles and doing all the running, TV is a very frequent option. The theme tunes run through my head at night.

Re pox: I don't think the baby is immune if breastfed by an immune mother, but perhaps the case is less severe?? Mine had a very mild case, even though I wasn't immune.

I just saw my health visitor for the 6 week check (at 12 weeks...) and she basically said that as I'm planning to go and stay with my parents in about a month there's no chance of a referral in time. She also strongly hinted that I should stay there to weather the storm and sort my head out. And I think she's right, but it's a bit depressing as far as my relationship with DH goes. I know I'm lucky to have the option of going home--12 hour flight away!--but it feels a bit like filing myself under Can't Cope. Oh well, it was sort of vindicating that the HV regarded having a baby and a toddler as something of an emergency situation by its very nature smile

eversomuch Mon 18-Feb-13 19:36:19

Finally popping back in. the past 2 wks or so have been manic. DS is now 15wks and lately will hardly let me put him down during the day. occasionally spends 10 or 20 mins on a playmat but more often cries whenever I try to put him down. makes getting things done quite tricky. DD went through similar around this age; I think it's a growth spurt & developmental leap. Fx it will pass soon. at least he sleeps ok during the night. (only up once or twice)

I do, however, feel like we're still just in survival mode and I feel like everyone else is handling two under two much better than we are. I still struggle to find time to cook decent meals and DH and I gave zero quality time together these days. still hoping it will all get better by month six.

crazypaving Mon 18-Feb-13 20:18:37

eversomuch snap - feel exactly that - am sure everyone else is handling things better than me. Glad to read I'm not the only one feeling that! And snap with an unputdownable baby. Mine's 19wks and still has to be held all day every day...and if put down, has to be interacted with at close quarters. Practical hmm

AlwaysWashing Mon 18-Feb-13 20:42:01

Can i join in too grin
I have DS1 23 months & DS2 11weeks.
Both me & my DH work from home (albeit very pt on my part now) so that I have DH within ear shot all day makes me feel a bit of a fraud finding things difficult some days. I KNOW I have it easy & our boys have the benefit of having us both around.
DS2 is a little treasure 'though is still getting to grips with the whole sleeping business, DS1 has until the last few days been lovely but is now making it clear that the terrible twos are on their way.
What I find most difficult is maintaining the level of interaction DS1 has come to expect and thrive on and to give DS2 the same start as we gave his brother. DS1 is pretty bright & I don't want to "dumb him down" by fobbing him off because I have to do something with DS2 - equally I want to give DS2 all the 1:1 time that DS1 enjoyed. Most days end with me feeling guilty for achieving neither.
Meal times are fine atm: DS1 in high chair at the table with crayons and paper at the ready for when he's finished and DS2 in the carrier ready to be whipped out if he needs feeding.
Bath times working so far.
It's just the sleep........oh for 6 hours sleep envy. If DH doesn't get enough I have three babies and a grouchy me to deal with all day. If we can just crack the sleeping we'll be just fine!!!

crazypaving Wed 20-Feb-13 12:29:31

hi alwayswashing! your nn rings true...!

debbie1412 Wed 20-Feb-13 16:08:28

How is it every one else's babies love a bumbo but both of mine have hated it ????

debbie1412 Wed 20-Feb-13 17:44:54

Feeling totally cut of from the world now, chicken pox sucks!!!! Lilys not slept well today so Daniel has had to fend for himself pretty much all day. An evening of mothers guilt to look forward to x

Loopyhasanotherbean Thu 21-Feb-13 20:40:42

We don't have a bumbo, mine never got to like or not like, I don't like them and don't think they are safe or good for their development, and as we have big babies, waste of money for us - ds2 is only just about right stage to sit in one and I know there is no way he would now fit into one!

Boo re chickenpox.

Definitely just surviving here too. Ds1 asks me so many times mummy play please, and I feel awful as feels like we barely ever play now compared to pre ds2. Ds2 24 weeks and over 20lb weight now, so too heavy for his bouncer chair and now rolling so if I put him on his mat he rolls within seconds then needs rolling back as he gets stroppy, then he rolls again, then I have to roll him back etc etc. he won't spend long in his rocking chair. He will do a short period of time in his jumperoo but then there is the increased risk of him pooing up his back which then creates more work! Too heavy for me to carry for long and he's not that happy about being in the ergo for long. Willing the next few months away ASAP!

princessx Fri 22-Feb-13 11:49:33

Hi there, I've got DD 22 mth and DS 7 wks. I've not checked in since he was born. But actually first few weeks much easier than now.

I can put Ds in sling to get dishes done etc, but I've no idea how to keep dd entertained when I'm busy (basically all the time) or what I should do with her to spend quality time.

The result is any time she gets left to her own devices she literally ransacks the house. I actually don't tell her off because it's not as of I've given her an alternative to do. I feel I should set up some game start her off and leave her to it.

My survival routine at the mo is to get us all out the house one way or another, lunch in a cafe (ridiculous I know but saves prep time and clearing up) nap for dd in buggy, then cbeebies and ransacking the house till bed.

You will be horrified by my sleep solution I am actually 100% co sleeping with both. Working quite well at the mo.

Anyway any tips on how to keep little toddler occupied gratefully received.

princessx Fri 22-Feb-13 12:32:12

Forgot to say I feel at a guilty disadvantage as dd has been in full time nursery 8-6pm till recently so feel I haven't learned how to play with her at this age

crazypaving Fri 22-Feb-13 19:45:21

loopy same here, wishing the months away and surviving...just. I get seriously impatient and lose my rag too quickly atm sad I'm just so tired and things build up.

ds2 still will not be put down but constantly when held or in the sling, drooling everywhere. ds1 has days where he does the exact opposite of everything I say. sometimes it all comes together in a perfect storm, I snap and things get a bit shouty. I need to be so careful though, ds1 has started shouting and it's copying me sad Fuck, I'm so unprepared to be a role model. today I lost it and threw something across the room. ds1 just finds it fascinating and he's such a little sponge, I dread to think what he's learned from that.

I feel like a shit mother every. single. day. sad both ds just want 100% attention and I can't even give them 50%. argh.

crazypaving Fri 22-Feb-13 19:46:21

*constantly wriggles when held or in the sling

debbie1412 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:27:09

Ransacks the house....exactly the same here... I'm not sure we'l ever recover x

debbie1412 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:28:39

Also if co-sleep = gets some sleep who cares x

crazypaving Sat 23-Feb-13 12:08:38

yeah agree about cosleeping. do what gets you through.

crazypaving Sun 24-Feb-13 12:15:09

anyone got any advice? ds1, 2.3, has done swimming lessons with dh since he was 5m. he's always been really excited about going, loves swimming and is very confident in the water.

this term he's in a new, bigger and colder pool with a new teacher (who is actually better than his old teacher). he was fine for the first couple of weeks, but now he's been resistant about going, and then a few mins into the lesson will kick off and refuse to participate.

what's going on? and any ideas how best to handle it? I really want him to enjoy it, I really want him to learn to swim (he's really close to actually swimming), and lastly we've spent a fortune on these damn lessons so want to get our money's worth! the instructor doesn't really have any helpful suggestions.

any thoughts?

debbie1412 Sun 24-Feb-13 15:14:41

I'd just carry on going as normal until the new pool becomes normal again. It's also the middle of winter even if the pool temps the same the whole undressing business isn't great. I wouldn't want to waste all that hard work either. I enrolled dan in a football for toddlers class. Total waste of money he played up for the whole 10 wks x

crazypaving Sun 24-Feb-13 17:55:32

thanks Debbie. we'll keep going this term but trying to decide whether or not to book next term. it's quite expensive confused

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