Do you have a very very shy 3-yr-old?

[Pruneau]

My friend does. He is nearly three, and socially very awkward and shy. She is a sahm who has made absolutely sure to take him to groups, to have him play with a lot of children regularly (they have a good circle of friends) so it's not that he's not used to other adults and children.
He is really 'bright', knows numbers and letters though I think can't read as such. His speech is great, but I notice that a lot of it is repeating what others say. He can communicate his needs with speech though.
Whenever he meets anyone - new or not - he cries and wants to run away to 'safety' - his room, or home. He doesn't play with other children. She has had the hv round ro assess him, and was told that he is just very very shy, that he might grow up to have problems because of it, and that she should expect him to be a loner.
I should mention, he has a younger brother, about a year old.
Now this is not bad but she is worried about him.

Have any of you any experience, words of wisdom, or references to help her?

[petiterach]

DD1 was very shy.
She went to nursery 3 half days, and out with me to friends' houses and gym and things.

But she did have a speech problem, which may have been much of the problem. She knew that people didn't really understand her.

It was embarrassing at times, eg at gym when a new helper started, she wouldn't join in until dhe really knew them. And she wouls hide behind me and look at the floor if we went to someones's house, eben those whom she'd known since birth.

I think it was important not to belittle her fears, as that made it worse.
TBH, she improved a lot when she started pre school, and left nursery, which coincided with DD2 being orn. She never cried at pre school, whereas she'd cried pretty much every day at nursery (2 years!!).

And school has made a huge difference; whilst she is still unsure of new people, and parents, she doesn't get ridiculously shy. And at school she is quite confident.

Her speech has improved a lot; not sure if that is since she has been less shy, or if that's why she has more confidence.

[Pruneau]

petiterach, what do you think tipped the balance? What made her less shy now than she used to be?

[jenniferjuniper]

i am a bit shocked at the health visitor labelling your friends ds as a loner at 3 !! Dd was incredibly shy till she was 2.5 .Hid from family friends and regarded all adults with suspicion.It gradually got better and once she started nursery school in oct it stopped - now she will talk to anyone !!
i think your friend should just continue taking him to groups and hopefully in his own time he will become more outgoing

[Pruneau]

jj that's encouraging.
He doesn't hide so much as scream!

[jenniferjuniper]

hmmm - what i found is that dd would always want to be with me at toddler groups so my two close friends would come with their children and i would go out the room for 5 mins .dd would cry at first but over a (long) 6 monthsshe became more confident and played more with other kids .Its so hard when they are so shy and clingy though i know