anyone self referred to homestart know anything about homestart

[willyumsmummy]

Just a quick question I am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with ds2s behaviour he is quite aggressive and I am unsure how to react/cope/control . Plus i am struggling to find entertainment/activities that ds will participate in. I was thinking of contacting home start for help and advice but don't want to go through the HV - will they be able to help me and how?
Plus do they need to inform the hv that i have gone to them for support

[Hattie05]

Professionally i used to refer clients to homestart and i am not a health visitor and to my knowledge hv's weren't informed (unless that went on behind my back).

I would imagine you could self refer. Homestart will send a co-ordinator to your home to discuss the situation and then, will decide if you qualify for the help, how many hours etc and then try to join you up with a helper to give you a hand around the home.

[lunarx]

is there any reason you dont want to go to your HV? or maybe even your GP could give suggestions?


i had a homestart visitor last year for a few months and it was great. she would just sit and listen to me and give gentle advice.

do you have any other local friends who are also moms of toddlers? ....(or go to playgroups, etc?) talking to other moms helps me a lot to put things in perspective. good luck:)

[Charlene1]

lunarx - is it true they tell social services which people they are helping and why? I wanted to use them when I lived in the middle of nowhere and couldn't drive, as I had seen them advertised as helping people go shopping etc, to appointments etc. which I could have done with as DP worked a long way away and had to keep taking time off work for appointments and things. I phoned the number and they said that they usually get people through the health visitors as people obviously aren't "coping" if they need to use them and that's why they have to tell ss. If you self refer, they are obliged to tell them as well - they said SS makes them do it. I was horrified and wouldn't go near them with a barge pole after that. It seemed very sly to advertise a service and then go "telling" on you cos you need help to get to a baby clinic or something due to a dire bus service, as if that makes you a "bad parent".
Don't know if that was just my area or not.
Willyumsmummy, is this why you don't want the HV to know?? If so, maybe there's a "nice" organisation that could help. There's listings of websites and helpines on the bounty site, but there's loads to trawl though - could take you a while to go through it all.

[katyp]

I don't think Homestart are just there to help people who are "not coping" in a dramatic sense - I know someone who they helped because she had a multiple birth and the logistics of going anywhere on her own were horrendous. However, they generally have more people asking for help than they can assist so maybe the most needy cases get priority. I'll try to find out about the HV aspect

[saltire]

My friend works for homestart. If you can wait till later i'll speak to her and ask her, unless someone comes on here before then and knows the answer

[lunarx]

Charlene1> to the best of my knowledge, its confidental (i asked when i had my first visit) but i dont doubt that if a homestart visitor hears something terrible (mom or baby (or both) are in danger, physical abuse, etc..) they probably are obligated to tell someone.

but it is something i will ask my HV about...
and also Homestart, though i no longer use them...

[GarfieldsGirl]

Homestart do not use a 'points system' to prioritise, so it doesn't matter whether you go through HV or self-refer. I know Homestart where I live has a very long waiting list, and I should imagine this is the same all over hte country.

As far as I know everything is confidential, the Homestart workers are all parents themselves - many of whom have used Homestart because of probs that they had, I know of a few people who have done this. They won't judge because, as I say they've been in similar positions to those that use the service.

[willyumsmummy]

Thanks for all your answers
Many of the m&b groups I have tried are very judgemental re: ds behaviour. I don't have any local friends or family and sometimes I want some one to talk to in person for advice.
I don't want to go through the HV because I don't know them plus i have found in the past that they are very keen to diagnose PND if you say you are lonely! or finding it hard work.

[lunarx]

hey you're welcome...im sorry your HV isnt more helpful :( how old is your ds?

[willyumsmummy]

ds is nearly 2 now and is qquite a handful and I guessd the sort of help i would like is the sort of help you would get from family if they lived closer

[PeachyClair]

I worked for homestart, I was an organiser until ds3 came along.

Yes, you can self refer.

No we didn't ever use a points system

No you don't have to be dramatically not soping- moving to a new area, pnd, disabled kid, illness in family- all OK

Yes we had a long waiting list, BUT famillies were refferred to the most suitable volunteer not in a next off the list basis, that just wouldn't work. So you can wait 12 months or a day, there's no way of predicting.

I only ever spoke to ANY agencies in the following circumstances:

1. if requested by the family
   
2. if that agency ahd referred, they'd get a standard "X has been matched" letter
   
3. child protection issues.
   
   
   Any questions, cat me or post here and I'll check back
   
   Homestart are lovely.

[lunarx]

willyumsmummy> i empathise. completely, especially about not having any family nearby. my family is in america and my husbands family is 2.5 hours drive away! my son is 21 months and can be a handful at times. he's very energetic and it tires me out sometimes coming up with new ideas for him.

do you live somewhere where you can get out and about meet other moms with toddlers?

[willyumsmummy]

I have exhausted all toddler groups etc - and failed to find anyone i can confide or feel comfortable asking their advice. On other occasions people have made their opinions very clear but not constructive e.g. "horrid little boy" etc..

[PeachyClair]

I would definitewly go for homestart. HWen I was there I also ran a family group which was like a toddler group, only more supportive so none of the bitchiness (which as a Mamu of an AS child I quite understand). most do, so it would be worth aking and there's generally no waiting list to get into them. Why do you think he's so aggressive?

[willyumsmummy]

absolutely no idea peachyClair, I have an older child and we had no problems with him - but ds2 is a different kettle of fish - he knows its wrong, he says sorry but then does it again and again. Anyway Thanks for your help - i will phone them tomorrow

[MrsMuddle]

I'm a coordinator with Home-Start, and quite a few of our familes self refer. We only contact a HV or doctor IF they made the referral in the first place. We also don't prioritise on a points system - if you're flexible about when a volunteer can visit, you're likely to get matched with one quite quickly, at least in our scheme. The familes we have waiting longest for a volunteer are those that want one in the evening or at the weekend, as many of our volunteers have young families of their own and need to be at home then. Hope this puts your mind at rest. If you need any more info, post again and I'll add this thread to my watch list. (Sorry - don't know how to CAT.)

[saltire]

I noticed you've had a few relies similar to what my friend said

Yes you can refer yourself and no they don't contact SS/HV unless there are childprotection issues, or the family has requested it. My friend also told me that in our area there are lots of homestart volunteers who do the things you queried about shopping trips, trips to doctor, or even just to look after baby for an hour while mum has a rest.

If you do decide to contact them it is all confidential and no volunteer will judge you because you had the need to refer yourself
My mum is a three hour drive and my IL's are 2 hours, they used to be 6 and 7 hour drives from us so i know exactly what it's like having a child and being on your own with no one you feel confident with.
HTH