Sibling rivalry - getting 3 yrd old used to idea of new baby

[runtus]

My friend has a daughter that will be 3 when the new baby arrives in May but already she is showing she is really not happy about the idea of a new arrival.

She really wants some advice about how to get Maddie involved and excited about the new baby, rather than annoyed and jealous........They took her to the 20 week scan to try and get her involved but she hated it. Yelled at the Sonographer when told it was a brother and not a sister and then bit my friend for having a baby at all!

She is a really sweet, lovely child other than this issue so it is really out of character - any advice??

[MrsMiggins]

she is worried I should think & perhaps feels the bavby is getting too much attention

my DS is very sweet & good-natured but when his sister was born (he was just over 2) he turned into this head-butting monster for a month.
He used to run at my parents & I really hard....we just ignored it & tried to show him he was still v much loved & after a month, he went back to his loving self

we bought a present for the baby from DS which he chose & a present for DS from the baby

When he came to the hospital I made sure baby was in the cot & I cuddled DS & introduced him.
Let him hold DD immediately and always asked him to help.

your friends DD is older & will be able to help with nappy changes and choosing clothes etc

HTH

[hana]

my dd insisted that our baby was going to be boy, she had named it and was v clear that she was going to have a brother.......and it was a girl. She was put out for a while, when she came to see us in the hospital she wouldn't cuddle me and asked where her brother was - think it's all quite normal behaviour. We had bought a present for dd1 from the baby and gave it to her on that first hospital visit - and she had picked out something for the baby. That might help. Let her open any little presents that the baby gets and let her hold the baby on her lap next to the mum - it will be hard
does the little girl have any dollies? Buy some new things for the dolly to prepare her?

[runtus]

Thanks for the help, much appreciated. Maddie is a really dolly girl so think maybe they will go down that route to begin with and the swapping of presents sounds a good idea too...........thanks again

[bakedpotato]

I would also hastily abandon all hope of getting her 'involved and excited'. Stop putting pressure on her. Quit taking her to scans and don't talk about the baby much. It's all too theoretical at this point.
Week before it's due, start mentioning then how the baby won't be able to do anything at all apart from sleep and feed, unlike Maddie, who is such a big helpful girl etc etc. Undersell the baby or she may feel threatened by it.
(I think 3 yrs is an excellent gap BTW)

[mumatuks]

We read books about the new baby. One was a good old Usborne one, and the other was a bit more modern with photographs of a real family in and a brief explanation that mummy has a baby in her tummy, then the baby was coming so mummy and daddy went to hospital etc etc, until mummy comes home and the children help look after mummy and baby. Bonus of it is, that this baby in the story is a boy.

Its understandable that she's upset, she's been the centre of her M&D's world for three years and now her posistion is being threatened by this horrible squidgy noisy smelly thing. (IYSWIM)

We invovled DS as much as possible, even giving him a dolly and a little push chair, so now he can walk around like mummy with his baby! (BTW doesn't have to be expensive toy pushcahir, Wilko's do them for a good price!)
We've let DS1 cuddle DS2 even though it was a bit worrying, but its helped them bond. Fingers crossed we haven't had any problems yet!!

Hope it all works out for your friend, I think its just involve her DD all the way

[runtus]

Thanks again for all the helpful advice!

[hornbag]

As well as the things mentioned so far we also chatted to DD about friends of hers that had little brothers and sister and she helped decorate the nursery, make up the moses basket, arrange the cuddly toys etc.
When baby arrived we just tried to make time for her one-to-one and frequently reminded her what a brilliant big sis she was. She loved "showing off" her baby brother to friends, pre-school staff etc. It also helped that most friends who bought new baby a present also bought DD a little something too so she didn't feel pushed out.
HTH